Going Crazy!!!

Time is standing still!
I can't believe it's only Monday.
It's torture not knowing.

Family Time

Last night, I went to the ER Ball (Exalted Ruler ) at the Elks lodge.

I had nothing to wear, so I went to the mall after work hopeing to find something cheap but nice. I don't dress up that often, so I didn't want to spend a ton of money. Well, I found a GREAT dress marked down from $70 to $19.99. The reason it was marked down was because it was supposed to have an ugly broach on it and it was missing. there was a little string haning in it's spot. I tried it on and like it. So I bought and cut off the little string. You could not even tell that the broach was missing. It was a hideous broach anyway.

Russ didn't go with me because his dad was in town and they wanted to hang at the house. I totally understood that. When I came downstairs all dolled up though.........he almost changed his mind. His eyes bugged out of his head and seed "Wow Honey, you look pretty hot!!" Then he made me kiss him good bye twice so he could look at my boobs when I bent over! LOL!!

My dad called me on the way and asked me to pick up a gallon of milk and a 12pack of coke for the lodge. So here I am walking through Harris Teeter in heals and sex dress buying coke and milk. One of the girls that worked there said "Wow! You look really nice". I took that as a HUGE compliment since she was all of like 19 and girls that age don't usually compliment us OLD chics!!

I also got numerous compliments from the old men at the lodge;)

Seems like I'm bragging all about myself hunh? Well I AM!!! I don't ever get that many compliments. I felt damn good last night!! I was a hotty!!!

Want to see some pictures??? Ok!! There is only one of me. My mom has more, but she's going on a cruise, so I won't have them for another week.

This is my sister Julie and her new boyfriend James.

Me and my sister!

Here is my whole family!!!

Me, Dad, Mom, and Sister.

We clean up pretty well!!

What do you think of my $20 dress???

I didn't get home until 11pm!! I was whooped!!! I am usually in bed by 9:30.

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In other news....................I had another dream last night. NOT a sex dream though.

My dream started at my house. I had people over, like a little party. Not sure what for, I just know there were about 6-8 people at my house.

Anyway, I went to the bathroom and for some reason I looked at my belly and I saw a really dark blue vein on my stomache, so I was looking at it in the mirror and all of suddend it turned into a dot of bright light so I was starring at this light circle and all of sudden it got big and then I could see inside my uterus and I saw a bean! I saw my little baby bean!!! Then once I saw it, I got this RUSH of tingles throughout that area. From like one side to the other. Quick, tingles just rushed through my uterus. It felt so good. Then I knew I was pregnant. I sat on the floor and cried. Then I went back out to party. I didn't tell anyone about what happened because I didn't want them to think I was crazy and I didn't want to jinx it. But in my dream, I knew I was pregnant with one baby! I felt it. It felt amazing!!

I get butterflys in my stomache now when I think about it.

****************************************************************************

Russ and his Dad and Mario (his dad's friend that is visititg with him) are going to the Richard Childress Musesum today. I will not be going. I'll leave them to have a boys day. I don't know what I'll do since I'm limited still in what I can do. I really can't clean. Maybe I'll go shopping!

Later!!

Bed Rest Sucks!

Bed Rest was boring!!!!
TV today really sucks during the day. I'm kind of glad I work!

Nothing much to report on the EPS. To be honest, I wouldn't know anyways. The day of my ET, I was nauseuas almost to the point of throwing up. However, I had no embies in me at that point. My nips have been Extremely sore and my boobs had many blue lines in them ever since I started my stims. And now I'm on the progesterone which causes all sorts of signs. So i'm never going to really know if it's an EPS or a progesterone symptom. I had some Cramping on wednesday and thursday. Nothing much or different then any other cycle though. I was a little dizzy this morning, but I've been on the couch for 3 days, so that's to be expected.

Here is something interesting................ I was told NO SEX and NO ORGASMS until after my beta. Well, I had a Sex DREAM with a very powerful Orgasm last night. Probably not good since I'm not supposed to do that, but how the hell do you control dreams and sleep?? Hope I didn't ruin anything going on in there. I mean it was good, but not THAT good. I'll be better at updating my journal for you girls!! Sorry to keep you hanging!!

So glad to be OFF the couch and back to work. However, I walked in an my dad said we were only working unitl noon.
However that's ok because I have to go find a dress for tonight. It's the ER Ball (Exalted Ruler Ball for the Elks lodge). My Dad is the ER. He's been it for 2 years and now he's all done. So this is a party to celebrate him being done I guess. Anyway, it's kind of fancy. Hence the word "Ball".
So I have to go find something to wear.
Then I'll go do some last minute touch ups at the house before my Father-In-Law gets in.

Well, that's it for now.

Bed Rest Day #2

Nothing much exciting most of the day.

My sister brought me breakfast and lunch. And ate with me. That was nice.

I've only gotten off the couch to pee and I usually grab a drink then too.

I watched the entire 10th season of Friends on DVD.

Things got more exciting at around 5pm.

Russ has been wanting a new truck. Normally, I would be pissed and throw a fit because he PROMISED he would keep his current truck until it was paid off. The reason is, the last 3 vehicles he's had, he's been upside down on with the trade. So our agreement when he bought his last truck was as per above.

However, a lot has changed since then. He's making $35,000 MORE a year now then he was when we made that agreement. He works extremley hard long hours. He agreed to move to Salisbury so I'd be closer to work, and now he drives 19 miles one way to work. So ya know what, he really does deserve a new truck if he wants one. Also, he's buying a Brand New truck. He's buying a used truck. A BIGGER truck that will fit a carseat (or two). And it's manly! Way more manly then his current truck.

Anyway, I told him to get it if he wanted it. I figured he'd need a co-signer (me!) since his credit is still not great. So he brought the paperwork here (him and the sales guy) so I could sign everything since I could not go out. Anyway, I'm the PRIMARY! I mean it doesn't really matter. It's his money that I use when I write the check.

Also, I had a brilliant idea.

I called him well he was negotiating and said, "Honey, if you get this truck and they pay off your truck by next friday (when the payment is due) and your new payment isnt' due for a month, can I buy my Dyson vaccuum cleaner I've always wanted with the money?" He laughed and said "Of couse. Like I could say no to that. I'm getting a new truck and your getting something to keep our house clean".

So.......................I got me a Dyson!! Not just ANY Dyson either................a PINK Dyson. PINK!!!!!

Isn't it so pretty!! OMG! I'm going to vaccuum EVERY DAY!!!

Oh and since it was cheaper then the car payment we get to skip, I got some accessories.......See Below..........

The purple one is a duster that hooks right up to the cleaner and this other head attachement is so you can get under couches and beds. OMG! I can't wait to get it!!! I'm so excited!!!

Ok, That's it for now. Need to get my Shot ready.

Later!!

Transfer Update (3/25)

March 24th Transfer was cancelled.

Rescheduled for March 25th.

They decided on a cycle day 6 transfer because I so many good embryos and if they could grow them out one more day, they could get all the information they needed to pick the best of the best Embryos.

March 25th: Woke up @ 8am.

Took my shower.

Did my Progesterone Suppository (barf!) and then we headed out.The ride to Charlotte was much nicer this time since everyone was at work already. Traffic was HALF of what it normally is. I wanted to listen to music on the way, but DH was on the phone with his damn boss the whole ride. I was so annoyed. At 9:30, we were halfway there and I had to take my Valium and start drinking my water (needed a full bladder). I've never taken Valium before and had no idea what to expect. Well, 10 minutes later I was like............hmmmm, this stuff is cool!!! I can't explain it, I was just floaty and happy. I couldn't walk all that well because it was like I was floating. When we got into the Clinic, I sat and told Russ he had to check us in because I was too high! I had to go up and get some bloodwork. The nurses up there found it funny that I was so "happy" and floaty!! The one nurse said "that stuff kicks in pretty quick on an empty stomache eh?" I was like YUP!! I like it!! Well, we went back down and I got undressed. All but my LUCKY SHIRT. Its a shirt I made my Friend a couple years ago for HER transfer and it had a + pregnancy test on it and said "THINK POSITIVE". Well, she saved it and gave it to me on last week so I could wear it to my transfer. I figure it was lucky siince she has two beautiful boys from her transfer.

Anyway, on with my story. I was feeling good. Went back into the OR room and the Embryologest cofirmed I was who I was and that he had the right babies for the transfer. Then Dr Crain came in and chatted. Then they started. There was a big moniter on the wall so I could watch. The nurse pointed out where I should look. She said watch this area and you'll see a white line come in. That's the cathedar. The white dot under the cathedar is where your embryos will be going. Here is a pic so you can all see what I"m talking about

Can you see the white line??

After the transfer was done, they gave me pictures of my kids.

Aren't they adorable!!! I think they look like me!!

Then I had to go back to my room and lay down for 1/2 hour. Then we left.

I was starving, so we stopped at McDonalds and I chowed. Just what I need when I'm going to be laying in bed for 2-3 days. Add an 1" or 2 to each thigh I guess!

Now I'm home relaxing. I have the perfect set up here. I have my laptop table so I can be online all day. I have my tray table for my drinks, phone, etc. Then I have a basket full of goodies next to me including..............books, movies, snacks, a laser pointer so I can play with the cats for entertainment, lollipops, camera, and scissors to cut the fringe on my blankets. I'm all set!!

Well, That's all for today. I dont know if anything exciting can happen on bed rest, but I'll keep you posted. It will probably be some movie reviews:D

Please pray that my cute little babies stick!!

PLEASE STICK BABIES. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!

DELAYED!!

Well, I was supposed to have my transfer today at 12:00pm.
However, I got a call @ 9:40 cancelling the transfer. Actually, she left a message @ 9:40, unfortuneatley, I did not check it until we were almost at Reach at 10:45am. So, that kind of sucked!!
Plus, I had to do a progesterone suppository (rectally) this morning when I got up and now I have to do ANOTHER one tomorrow. Barf!!
On a good note, I've finally become Un Constipated! That's is awful!! I don't think I've ever been constipated before and I really don't care to ever be it again!

The reason for the delay was they wanted to let the embryos grow one more day. Here is the email I got from her:


Hey Barb,

I left you a message on your cell phone, they want to take your embryos out one more day and do the transfer tomorrow. This is a good thing, not to worry. Basically, you have enough to do that and it just continues to give them information about which embryos are the best ones. I'll let you know later your time, it will probably be about the same time, around lunch time.

Yeah!

Thanks,
Stephanie


So, I guess its a good thing. I just wish I knew earlier!! Like 8am would have been much better.

Ok, so well I was typing this, I got THIS email

Barb,

They did it to me again!

They have switched your transfer to 10:30 from 12:30. I really hope this doesn't pose a huge problem. And I am so sorry. But you can see how much say so I have in the matter. You'll need to be there at 10:00 instead of 12:00. Take your Valium at 9:30 am. I promise...it will not be moved again. Confirm with me that you got this email.

Thanks,
Steph

So tomorrow at 10:30, I will go pick up my kids!!!!

That's all for now!!

Update!

I heard from the nurse on Saturday.
She said I have 10-13 embryos and I'll be doing a 5 day transfer.
So, Monday @ 7:30am, my babies will be tranferred. Oh I hope they stick.
Although this whole process (aside of the money) was not bad, I really don't want to go through it again.

I thought for sure I was having that OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrom), but I made sure to to drink 10-12 drinks a day including 4-5 Gatorade. I stayed off my feet for the most part and too my meds. I THINK I'm in the clear.


My moms brothers and sisters are in town this weekend. I haven't seen them in a long time. I was happy to see all but one!!! My Aunt Susan is beyond annoying. She's a bitch! She completely takes over my moms house and messes it. Never helps clean it. Then, her daughter (who is mentally retarded) got pregnant 3 years ago. My Aunt wanted her kid, so she manipulated Teresa into letter her adopt her. So here she is 60 years old with a 3 year old. She expected us all to watch her. Also, she's one of those people that constantly says "At MY house" , " MY kids", MY church", "When I cook", ect. She's just a pain in the padded ass!!!
I went there yesterday around 5. Mind you I was at home not feeling well all day. All my other relatives asked when I got there "How are you feeling?" and they also asked all about the IVF. They are all excited for me. Not my Aunt Susan. All she talked about was her kids. "Oh John had his 2nd son today" and "oh look at this precious picture of Davids little girl". SHUT UP BITCH!!! It wouln't be so bad if she ever asked about me or how I was, but she didn't. I mean my 92 year old Great Aunt asked me as soon as she got to my moms house!!!!
Then when Stupid Susan was sitting on her ass, she said "Barbie, go aside on the deck and see if it's getting cold enough where I need to put Mia in warmer clothes" Mia is her grandaughter/daughter. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I went outside because my mom was there cooking on the grill. I said to my mom....................."I love you so much that I'm not going to tell off your sister" Then I told her what she said and she just rolled her eyes.
It's not like she's annoying just me. My mom and dad are ready to kill her too.
She's like the worlds worst house guest EVER!!!

Today we are going to Easter Brunch with everyone. I was looking forward to it, but now I'm not so sure. Not because of my aunt, because all this medicine is "Stopping me up". I've been stopped up for many days now. Metimucil is NOT working and I'm not sure that I can put anything else in me before something comes OUT!! KWIM??


Well, now that I've told you my embarressing butt issue. I'm going to sign off now!!

20 Embryos!!!

That's how many embryos we got. HOLY CRAP! That is a lot!!!
According to the nurse they did ICSI on 10 eggs. Out of those 10 eggs, 6 became embryos.
Then they did natural for the other 33 eggs and 14 of those took. So a total of 20 embryos.
I have 20 babies at that moment!!
Now I'm not sure how many will make it to day 5, but with so many, I have really good chances for 2 great ones to transfer and have a few left over to freeze.

The nurse who called me expressed their concern again about Hyperstimulation. She told me to make sure that I got 10-12 glasses of water and/or Gatorade. At least 5 gatorade. However, she said not to OVER drink either. So I had to ask what she considered a glass 8oz or 10oz? She said 8oz. So basically, I need like 96oz's of water/Gatorade. I'm working on it now and I can't stop peeing!! She also said I need to wiegh myself every morning and measure my belly. If I gain 2lbs and or gain 2" 's , then I need to call them ASAP. I'm praying this does not happen because if it does, I won't be able to do the transfer on Monday. That would make me really sad.
Please keep your fingers crossed that I do not Hyperstimulate.

Russ left town today. Unexeptantly for work today. He is going to be gone until Saturday. Then he's leaving again Monday after my transfer and won't be back until Friday!! Luckily, my Sister is going to come stay with me Monday and Tuesday so I won't be totally alone while on bed rest.
It just sucks! But I can't complain since they gave him all that dang money. Obviously they are making him earn it.

So tonight I'll be all by myself with my dogs and cats, drinking 96oz of water and pee'ing every 15 minutes. Fun eh???

Alright, that's it for now. The next report will probably be on Saturday.
Don't forget to keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

Egg Retreival Day (3/19)

My Retreival was today. Got up at 6am and showered. It only took me 20 minutes to get ready because I could not where any make up, lotion, or jewelry. So getting ready was quick. We had to go to the pharmacy before my appt. to pick up some medicine I need for Monday. It was only a mile away from the clinic. We got there at 8:30am. They were supposed to be open at 8:30, but they didn' topen until 8:40 which ticked me off. Actually, everything in the morning ticked me off because I was not allowed to have anything to drink, so NO COFFEE. I was so cranky to Russ! Poor guy. Anyway, we got the meds and then headed to the clinic.

I filled out some paperwork and they called us right in. The nurses were really nice. I think one of them was pretty new though. She's the one that did my IV and she was really bad. It hurt so bad that I almost cried. She did it really slow, I think that was the problem. Then she didnt get the tube hooked up quick enough, so my blood was EVERYWHERE!!! All over my hand, my gown, the sheets on the bed, the floor. Ugh..........it was pretty bad. The other nurse however was really good. They took my blood preassure. It was 110/68. That is actually pretty high for me, so I knew I was nervous. Russ hung out for a bit with me then they came and got him for his "Sample". The anesthesiologist (sp?) came and talked to me. He was extremely nice. I heard him talking to the dr outside my curtain and he's been with them doing these for 14 years. Ever since my clinic was there. So that made me feel really good too. After that , the dr came in and chatted with me. He wasn't my dr, but he was the one doing the retreival and he was really nice.

At 10am, the Anetsthesia guy came in and got me. He walked me to the OR. I layed on the table and like 3 nurses were moving my legs and putting blankets on me and all sorts. The Aneth. guy was chatting with me. Asked me where I was from etc. Then I knew that he put the sleepy stuff in my IV because my hand started to ache. He asked if I was getting tired. I wasn't really and that kind of freaked me out. i thought maybe it wasn't working. Anyway, then I remember the Dr coming in. He said this is just the speculum and it was really warm. I've never ever had a heated speculum before. That was cool. That ws the last thing I remember.

Next thing I know I woke up in my little room. The nurse asked if I was in any pain. I wasnt really. I was a little sore, but nothing compared to what I expected. They went and got Russ and he came in. I was supposed to be in recovery for 45 minutes, but I ended up there for 1 1/2 hours because I had 43 eggs and my dr was worried about hyperstimulation. I had to do an extra bottle of meds through the IV and then wait for another big bag of stuff to be empty.

They took my blood preassure about 10 more times. The highest it was after the retreival was 85/52. That's more the normal for me. I was so thirsty. I was drinking water, but it wasn't helping. I had the worst cotton mouth ever. All I wanted was an ICEE. I told Russ when we left we needed to find a burger king so I could get a burger and an ICEE. I took a couple Tylenol at the hospital and was feeling pretty good until I walked to the car and sat. Then it hurt a bit more. Not cramping. Just sore lik I pulled all my muscles down there.

We got to BK and I got my burger and drink. I drank and drank. Then I went to eat my burger. It was yummy until I went to swallow it. My mouth was still so dry that I could not swallow my burger. I had to wash it down with my Icee.

We stopped at the pharmacy and dropped my presecription the dr gave me to reduce my chances of hyperstimulation. I got home and then had to return a bunch of phone calls. I've tried to get some sleep, but I can't. I'm exhausted,but just cant sleep. My throat is terribly dry. I had Russ pick me up some throat losengers. Russ has been takeing very good care of me. He's never been this accomidating before. I think seeing them put that IV in and bleeding all over the place really made him feel bad. I took my anti-biotic and my new drug today when I got home. Tonight I have to take more antibiotic and 2 prednisone plus my vitamins. Friday I start my progesterone in oil shots. OUCH!! Ah, who am I kidding. Compared to that IV today, no shot could ever hurt!! I think I covered it all for today. It was pretty exciting. Now I can relax and wait for my fertilitzation report!

HOLY COW!!!

My Egg Retreival is Wednesday!!!!
Wasn't expecting it to be Wednesday at all! Maybe Thursday, but def NOT wednesday.

I went to my Dr's appointment and had my Ultrasound and blood work.
I had 14 measurable follicles on my right overy and 18 measurable on my left.
Dr Wang, (not my dr) thought I might need one more day of meds and another ultrasound. He also said my retrieval would probably be Thursday.
He said he'd know more after my bloodwork and talking to Dr Crain.

Well, my nurse emailed me saying I needed to so Ovidrel shot tonight at 8pm and come in for my retreival on WEDNESDAY at 1oam.
Well, her emails were much more lengthy with many other directions including picking up 4 prescriptions, but basically I'm doing the retreival on Wednesday and the transfer of the Embryos on Easter Sunday.
Lets hope my "Basket" gets some good EGGS!!!

On to other news..................
I went to Walgreens to get my meds and the pharmacist warned me that the antibiotic will have an adverse affect on my birth control (that I picked up last month) and I should consider using another form of birth control. LMAO!!
Very ironic. I mean serioulsy...................ALL the years I was on birth control trying NOT to get pregnant and all the antibiotics I was on NOT ONE pharmacist every spoke those words to me. The sticker was on the bottle, but they never pointed it out. So I find it hysterical (and VERY sad) that they said it this time!!
I mean I'm thinking that the IVF W/ICSI is going to make it more ineffective then the antibiotic. Just a thought.

Tomorrow I go for blood work in the morning. NO SHOTS tomorrow AT ALL!! NONE! NOT ONE!! Woo Hoo!!!!
Injection free day!!!

Ok. I'm done now. New shows on tonight, so I have to go watch!!

Sunday

Woke up at 7:20am to my alarm. So did NOT want to get up. But I had to.
I took a shower, did my hair, grabbed my coffee and headed out the door for my long drive to Charlotte.
By the time I got gas and got on the expressway it was 8:18am. I pulled into Reach at 9:13. I was leaving Reach at 9:17. So, it took me an hour to get there and it took approximately 4 minutes to go in, catch the elevator, get my medicine, catch the elevator down, get back into my car and turn it on. 4 MINUTES. Then I started back on my hour drive home. The new medicine is called Ganirelax. It's replacing the Lupron.

Speaking of the Lupron, I'm now convinced that it is the Lupron that made me eat like a fat pig! My uncontrollable eating started when I started my Lupron 10 unit doses. I noticed that lately I have not been eating like a fatty. I've actually went back to eating normal. It started a couple days AFTER I dropped my Lupron down to 5 units. So, I've concluded that the Lupron made me eat like a fat pig. So good riddens to it!! I took the Ganirelix this morning and I have NO appetite. I made my stuffed peppers tonight and I could barely eat them. I forced myself to eat lunch so I wouldn't get a headache later. So I've went from "Hungry Hungry Hippo" to not wanting to eat anything at all. Both are bad.

Russ was so excited that I decided to make my Stuffed peppers tonight. He loves them!! He told me tonight that it is his Favorite me off all time. I asked if he liked it better then all the yummy dishes he makes and he said ABSOLUTELY!! So, all the cooking my husband does and his favorite dinner is my signature dish. Ahh..........that makes me feel great!!

Here's a picture of my delicious dinner










They are SOOO yummy!! My mom is even stopping by to pic one up for her lunch tomorrow.

Russ went golfing today. Well he was golfing, he ran over to the woods to pee. Well, on his way, he stepped on tree root and twisted his ankle. I didn't think it was any big deal when he told me, but when he got home I almost passed out! The side of his angle looks like he has a baseball under his skin. It's huge!! He won't put ice on it. Also, he did it around the 12th hole and continued to finish golfing through 18 holes. Dumb men!!

While Russ was golfing, I had a date with my neice Kayla. We went to see the movie Horton Hears a Who. It was so funny!!! Seriously, GREAT MOVIE even for adults!!











I can't remember all the funny lines, but here is one that just cracks me up.

"In my world, there are nothing but horses. They eat rainbows and poop butterflys"

I was laughing my butt off through the whole movie.

After the movie we went to Mr.Gatti's. It's a pizza/past buffet. The food is pretty bad. Kids love it, adults not so much. However, they do have a great salad bar. After we ate, we went to the game room and played games. I won the jackpot on one of the games and the machine spit out 293 tickets!!!! HOLY CRAP! Too bad it wasn't a slot machine!! We had a ton of fun.

I finished the blanket I made for my Russ's Aunt Janet. Took a picture of that too. I'm loving my camera lately!!


She was diagnosed with breast cancer back in October. She had a mastectomy a few weeks ago.
I was going to send her flowers, but I saw this material at Joann Fabrics and thought this would be so much better.


Well, It's 9pm. Time to go read my book and go to bed.

I have another Ultrasound and blood draw at 8:15am. I'm hoping they will have a day for my retreival. Fingers crossed!!

Night All!!

Saturday

Well, I woke up VERY early. 6:30am to get ready for this DR appt.
I wanted to be there at 8am, we got there about 8:15am.
I brought my book because last time I waited a bit for my ultrasound. Russ brought his computer.
As soon as I got there, they sent me upstairs for my bloodwork. When I got there, there were like 10 people waiting to get blood drawn. I was like OMG! It took forever. I left my book downstairs with Russ because usually the blood work is the quick part. So there I was waiting with NO book. I could have went back down and got it, but I didn't want to lose my spot. I was already number 11.
Finally got done with the blood work. Went down stairs for my ultrasound. Started reading my book, 2 minutes later they call me in.
Dr Wang (not my dr) did the exam. He was giving the sizes of my follicles. There were a LOT and they definatley grew from a couple days ago. However, when he was done, he said "Well, there looking good, but not ready yet. We'll check it out again on Monday". So, I left.
Hour drive home.

Later on..........................The nurse called me. This is the Charlotte nurse. She's so damn funny. I like her a lot. Almost wish she was my regular nurse. She's young too. MAYBE 22. If that. Anyway, she called and told me I had to come back to Charlotte (hour away) on Sunday because I needed to pick up some different medicine. According to her, I making some major eggs. Dr Crain (my dr) is afraid I'm getting over stimulated. So, I have to reduce my Follistim and then go get this other medicine to help counter act my egg producing meds. That pretty much puts a major cramp in my Sunday. I so don't wnat to drive down there. But obvioulsy, I will.

We bowled this afternoon. It was our last week to bowl. We kicked ass! I bowl with my parents and Russ. Russ is an Awsome bowler. His average is 205. Mine is 138. Today My LOWEST game was a 159. So obvioulsy, I kicked some ass. My high game......................178. NICE!!
I know. I'm a geek.

Well, I need to nap now.

Same Dose

Well, they did not change my dosage of my follistim. I'm still doing the same amounts for Thursday and Friday. I have another Ultrasound and bloodwork on Saturday. Unfortuneately, that means we have to drive to charlotte (48 miles away). The drive doesn't bother me, it's the fact that I have to get up at 6:30AM on a Saturday. Ugh...........that sucks!! BUT..........it's all going to be worth it when I get that sparkling BFP!!! Right?

My overies are starting to get really sore. My headache is back but my shoulder is feeling much better.

I celebrated Russ's gian raise last night by going out and buying us a new coffee maker!! I like the one we had, but it was black and just did not match our beautifully re designed kitchen.

So here is the one I got...........

Isn't it GREAT??? It fits right under my cupboard!! No more coffee maker on the counter. That is so great. Especially since I can not stand stuff on my counter. Even appliance.

I'm still gaining weight like crazy! Can't stop eating. However, I do walk two miles a day now. I hope thats helping because for some reason no matter how hard I try, I can NOT stop eating!!
I feel like a hungry hungry hippo!

I'm a Junior Achievment Volunteer.

I've been one for 3 years now. I love it!!

I usually always do 3rd grade. However this year I changed it up a bit. I'm doing a 3rd grade class AND a 4th grade class. For the record.............I am NOT smarter then a 4th grader. I actually had to ask for Russ's help to figure out my lesson plan for todays 4th grade class. Nice eh? So pethetic I am. Thank god I married a smarty pants!

Anyway, my class was very good today. Kids love the activities we do. After I was done, another 4th grade teacher wanted to know how to sign up. I told her if she wanted it done on Fridays at 10:15, that I'd do it. She was thrilled. Now I have to order another kit. So my first class is from 9:30-10:15 my second class (across the hall) will be 10:20 - 11:05. And I'm hoping my 3rd grade class will be 11:15-12:00. IF that all works out, I'll only have to go to the school one day. It's about 15 miles away, so saving the gas would be wonderful!!

We'll see.

I love to do it though, so I dont' mind taking on 3 classes. The kids are great and they really enjoy it.

MY FRIEND MELISSA!

WHERE ARE YOU GIRL????

PLEASE CHECK IN WITH ME WHEN YOU CAN!!

LOVE YA!!

He's SO Lucky!!

Well, Russ left me an apology this morning.
Good thing too because I was about to release all my raging hormones on him.
I'm still annoyed with the way he acted, but I do think I got through to him. I just think he's been so overwhelmed with all of this job stuff that he's forgotten what I'm actually going through lately. So, I think he understands. I think. Let's hope it lasts.

Also, Russ too the the counter offer for his job. So, he's making some serious dough now!!! He's actually making more then now by himself then we made together when we bought our first house. Crazy!!! He's increased his income by $35,000 in less then 2 years.

I had another appointmetn today. Had blood work and an ultrasound. The bloodwork was painful. I really love my IVF nurse, but she gets rougher each time she takes my blood. I don't know what it was today, it didnt' hurt when she put the needle in, but it hurt the whole freaking time she was taking the blood. Ouchie!!

My ultrasound went well. The Dr turned the monitor so I could see my follicles. It was pretty cool!!! The ones on the right were bigger then the left. He said I have plenty of them. He said they are still a little small which is expected at this point and I'll have another ultrasound this weekend. I'm assuming they will up my Follistim dose today too.

Ok, well I have to do some work.

My Husband......

(A) Got an EXCELLENT counter offer from his current job to get him to stay

(B) Is a Giant JERK

(C) Is a Selfish and Insensitive Ass

(D) All of The Above



If you answered D, then you are correct!

I'm not talking to him.

I hope him and all his fucking money keeps him happy!!

I'm REALLY happy that we're doing IVF to have a baby because I don't think I EVER want to sleep with him again!!

I'm sure your all thinking he did something horrible. He didn't really.
Just treated me like shit tonight. Yelled at me for NO reason what-so-ever. Just turned into a big fucking jerk!

He has absolutely no sympathy for the fact that I shoot up with 3 injections of hormones a day that give me a constant headache, neckache, and hot flashes. He doesn't ask about my appointments or how I'm feeling because he's so wrapped up in getting job offers and that's all he gives a flying crap about.
When I tell him how I feel and that I'm hurt and that I need a little support now and prefer not to be treated like the trash outside, I get this response "I'm not talking about this now".
So he's in the other room enjoying the discovery channel while I sit here and cry. Does he care??? NO!!! Has he come in to see if I'm ok???? NO!!
Is he a BIG FAT JERK???? Ummm...............I'd say YES!!!!

Why?

I'm so sad.
A very good friend of mine had another miscarriage. It's so not fair. She's such a wonderful person. Genuine and kind hearted. She's so desearving of a baby. Probably more desearving then even me. I dont' understand why this happened to her.
I"m absolutely heart broken for her. There is nothing I can do or say to help her.
I'm so tired of watching good people suffer. So tired of trying to have faith in a God that just sends heartache to good people and rewards undesearving people. A God who has not listened to ANY of the prayers from the girls on our baby forum. We don't ask for much. We're good women and I dont understand why God won't listen to us.

How do you continue to believe? How do you keep the faith?
Because I'm finding it really difficult lately.

*******************************************************

In other news..............
My blood work yesterday came back fine. I'm continuing on my same doses and shots for two days. Then I go back to the Dr tomorrow for an Ultrasound and more blood work.
The last two and a half days, I've had a really dull headache. Also, my shoulder hurts and I'm so tired. I'm sure it's from the meds. I feel really yucky today. Worse then I have which scares me because I'm only half way there. I'm sure my meds will increase tomorrow.

My tentative egg retrieval is next week. Most likely Thursday or Friday.

I've now decided that Russ will do all my shots. I woke up two mornings in a row with HUGE bruises after I did my shots. When he does them, you can't even see the red dot. I tried to be independent. I wanted to do it myself. But I suck at it and I need to let go.

*************************************************************************
Russ currently has 3 job offers and now his current company is ready to counter offer. So he's trying to decide what to do. One job he's already counted out. But he was really struggling deciding between the other two and now his current job is throwing him stuff. He's getting kind of stressed. I told him it could be worse. He could be unemployed and not getting ANY offers. I mean having 4 people throwing money at you isn't a bad deal!
I just hope something happens this week. It's starting to stress me out too!!

Well, that's it. I've summed it all up.

I'm sad.
I'm Sick.
I'm a little stressed.

Ugh!!!!

I've gained 5lbs since I started the birth control and Lupron.
I have now hit my maximum wieght EVER! I'm so dicouraged.
I was actually eating really healthy for awhile. But after about the 2nd week of Birth control pills and started the Lupron, I couldn't stop eating. It was like PMS EVERY DAY! Seriously, I'm not surprised I gained the weight. I'm just so dissapointed. I wanted to lose 5-8 lbs BEFORE the IVF and now I need to lose like 10lbs and I can't even really diet. This sucks.
I did stop at the store on the way into work and bought some those Peppermint lifesavors. The bag full. Now when I get the urge to eat a Ho-Ho or a bag of chips, I eat a 15 calorie mint instead.
It's not nearly as satifying as a Ho-Ho, but I can NOT gain anymore weight. I'm disgusted with myself.

The sad part is, it's probably going to get worse since I've added hormonal injections. Ugh......I don't know what to do. I need to stop eating. Well not stop, but stop eating EVERY single 15 minutes!!

On to other news.
At work, my dad gets a lot of stupid sales calls because he's an Owner of a company. Well, I weed them out. Since he works in the shop, he doesn't have time to talk to people that are trying to sell him shit he doesn't want anyway. So I ask the typical questions, whose calling, what's it regarding, etc. Then I'll ask to take a message and then they hang up on me. I HATE sales people. Serioulsy, these ones that call here are such ass hats.
Well today, the QUEEN OF ASS HATS CALLED!
Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Good Morning, Arch Tech this is Barb

Asshat: Is Robert still there?

(first off my dad goes by Bob, NOT Robert)

Me: May I ask whose calling

Asshat: Denise

Me: And your calling from????

Asshat: Livingtone College

(obviusly, she wants a donation)

Me: May I take a message for him, he's in the shop right now working

Asshat: Really? Because you just asked me questions like he was standing right there!

Me: Well, he's not. He's in the shop. That's where he works. IN THE SHOP.

Asshat: When will he be done in the shop?

Me: I don't know. He works in the shop ALL DAY. Again, that's where he works. IN THE SHOP!! Can I take a message for him so he can call you back?

(here's where it gets really good)

Asshat: Who is this?

Me: The office manager. My name is BARB. I stated that when I answered the phone.

Asshat: Well I'll just come down there in person and straighten this out. I'll speak with Robert in person and not deal with you.

Me: Well before you come, you should probably figure out the name he actually uses!! Good Luck when you get here!!

Click!!

I'm still waiting or her to come. The college is only about 3 miles away. It's been over an hour.
Stupid Bee-otch! People should just NOT screw with me on Mondays. Much less when I'm pumping myself full of hormones. I hope she DOES show up. I

That's it for now!

Later!

I Started........

my stimulation meds.
I had 3 injections yesterday and two antibiotics.
Same protocal for tonight and tomorrow.
Then more bloodwork on Tuesday.
This is all very exciting and scary!

Nothing much else going on here.

I bowled yesterday then came home and started working on another blanket. It's a Breast Cancer awareness blanket for Russ's aunt. I think it's going to turn out pretty nice.
I'll post pictures when I'm done with it.

I need to start some baby blankets too. I have at least 3 to make by the end of the month.

Russ will probably get 2 job offers tomorrow. Both will be about $6,000 - $10,000 more then he's making now. One has really good health insurance. The other one one I don't know yet. We havent seen them. So we'll wait and see.

Well, I can't think of anything else at the moment to write about.
Maybe something exciting will happen and I can do another post later.

Welcome to my Roller Coaster Ride

So, I cried all day.
Stopped at the store and bought a 6-pack of beer so I could get drunk.
Came home and checked my email and there was an email from my nurse.
Here is what it said...........


Hey Barb,

Everything looks great. Here's what we're doing. Take 5 units of Lupron tonight. Tomorrow, start antibiotics twice daily until finished. You have Doxycycline for 7 days and Russ has Cipro for 10 days. Your instructions are the same for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday as follows: no meds in the am. In the evening, you need to take your 5 units of Lupron, 150 units of Follistim, and 10 units of low dose hcg. Return Tuesday morning, 3-11-08, for blood work only. Come in about 8:15 and I'll get your blood drawn before I need to start ultrasounds with Dr. Whelan. I'll call you that afternoon and let you know what's next. Oh, and try to give your meds about the same time every night. Let me know if you have any questions. I'll be here for about another ½ hour. If not, I'll see you Tuesday.

Thanks,
Stephanie


So, I called her because I was so confused. I asked about the cyst and she said she talked to the Dr and he said if my estrogen levels came back good then continue with my meds. The cyst is only a problem if it changes hormone levels.

So I went from Way up.................. to Way Down...................to Way up. Just like a roller coaster.
It's kind of making me nauseus.

Stay Tuned!

IVF Update

I had my appointment this morning for my Ultrasound and blood work.
I have a giant cyst on my right overy. Most likely, I will not be doing IVF this month.
I have to wait to hear from them after they get my blood work results to make any decisions.

I'm completely devastaed. I have no faith in this anymore.
I did everything right this month. EVERYTHING!
I was the healthiest I've ever been.
Every time I start to have some hope, some major set back happens.
I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't have it in me to keep going through this.
I don't understand why I keep getting more crap. Have I not been through enough already.
I mean lets look at what I've been through.........
-3 years of TTC
-multiple fertility tests
-Numerous negative pregnancy tests
-Surgery
-2 months of Lupron
-$30,000 in medical bills in 2008 ($4500 over the other two years)
-Fertility meds
-Multiple Ultrasounds
-watching people getting their SECOND BFP's while waiting for mine
-watching every person in hollywood get pregnant
-watching all these trashy people abuse and kill their childre that they dont want
-and now a big fat cyst!
When the fuck is it enough!

Getting Closer

I took my last birth control pill last night.

I've been on the Lupron for more then a week now.

I got my stimulation meds today.

Now all I need is my progesterone injectable and I'll have all my meds to complete my IVF.

Friday, I go to get my ultrasound and blood work to see if and when I start my stimulation drugs. I should also have a tentative egg retreival and embryo transfter date then too.

It's going by pretty fast. I think because I'm dreading growing a whole bunch of eggs and then have a gigantic needle put through my vaginal wall in order to retreive them.

How Scary does THAT look????

Seriously, this is why time is flying by because the thought of that is scary!!

Look at the "Aspiration Needle" to the left. Do you see HOW LONG it is.

Ugh...............

I will be under general anesthesia, but still. OMG!

Well that should give me nightmares. Lets stop talking about it!

I've cooked dinner for the last 6 days!

Can you believe it. I've made some really good dinners too.

I made a Ham & Swiss Casserole which was AWSOME!!!

I also made my famous Stuffed Peppers.

My other dinners were nothing great, but I did cook. I really think Russ has taken a liking to my cooking too because he has not even offered to cook once!

I'm kind of getting sick of cooking everyday. I mean I don't mind because I know he's busy, but I'm going to get burnt out. I mean I went from cooking NEVER to cooking everyday. I think your supposed to work your way slowly into new household responsibilities. Right?

Well, speaking of......................dinner is ready so I must go eat!

Hope you all have a great night!

I've been Meme'd

I have been meme'd. Jen has meme'd me. What does Meme'd mean anyway???

So here you go. The meme is that you need to turn to page 123 of any book, and then quote the 5th sentence on the page either in a post of your own or in my comments. Then you get to tag 5 people as well.

Here is mine:

"I didn't pop into the pub after and brag about it over a pint."

So I now tag...................

Erin M.

Laura

Erin P.

Sandi

Melissa

HAVE FUN!!

Saturday was Much better!

Well, Saturday was a HUGE improvement over Friday.
I got a good nights sleep and felt well rested. I went to Walmart at 9am to get my new tires. I needed two of them. I fugured it would cost about $130. Nope. $172! Ouch. Of course while waiting for my tires, I spent $66 more dollars in the store. All stuff we needed though. We'd have to buy it eventually and we'd probably pay more somewhere else because I HATE going to walmart unless I absolutely have to. I then returned to the inspection place and they were so busy I would have had to wait forever, so I decided to go back on Monday.

We had some yummy New York Strip steaks for dinner. We have not had steak in so long. But they were on sale and I really wanted a steak. So steak, potatoes, and broccoli! Girl Scout cookies for dessert.

Then we watched the movie Michael Clayton. Blah! It wasn't that great. It was really slow and the ending was not worth the wait. You knew how it would end because it was a typical movie but sometimes they make the end at least a little exciting and edge worthy. Not this one. It was boring. I was not impressed. George Clooney wasn't anything special either. I rate it it 1 out 4 stars. So not worth the $5 rental.

I had Russ give me my shot last night. I realized although I CAN do it, I do it really badly. Friday night I did mine and I forgot to pinch the skin first. When I put the needle it, it hurt and out of reaction, I pulled it right back out. Not only did I have to stab myself again, but I was bleeding like crazy in my spot that I had just stabbed myself. The next day, it was black and blue with a red blood blister dot on there. Ugh. I suck! So last night I had Russ do it and he did a perfect job!
You could not even see the slightest red dot. Yay!
So for now on, I will let him do them if he's home and I'll only do them when I absolutely have to.

I'm going to a Home Builders show today with my mom, sister, and this lady Linda. I don't really want to go since it's going to be 70 degrees out. But I never get to spend any time with my mom, and she really wants me to go. So I'll bite the bullet and spend god knows how many hours walking around this show.
I just hope I get home at a decent hour. I'm supposed to make Russ stuffed peppers tonight. Those are a little time consuming.

Well, I'm off to take a shower and get ready to do. Hope you all have a great day!

Hope you all have a great day!!