Ugh!

I can't get rid of these sinus headaches. I don't know if it's allergies or hormones. I can't take anything for them. I just go home from work and lay in my bed next to the humidiphier. That's the only thing that helps. Oh, and I suck on preggo pop drops so I don't throw up because that makes my headache worse.
I can handle the morning sickness. I asked for that. But I can't do these headaches everyday. I can't get anything done at the house. My upstairs needs to be cleaned and vacuumed and I just can't do it with a headache and nauseua.


Yesterday I called my OB office because my gynocologist does not do babies, so I needed to know who I would be seeing so I could give the info to my RE to forward my records to them.
Well I explained to the nurse about being Dr. Hall's patients and he referred to me to a fertility clinic and going through IVF and now I'm pregnant and I will be released back to there office next week if all is well. Then I asked who my Dr would be. She said they have 3 OB's and a midwife and I would see them all. My first appt. would be two hours long, but the rest would be much shorter. I asked which would be my main dr and she said ALL OF THEM. So I guess I'll have 3 Ob's and a midwife. Then she asked me "Are you sure your really pregnant?"
WTF??? What does that mean? What part of fertility clinic and IVF seeing an RE that is transferring me back to you next week makes it sound like I'm NOT pregnant. And who the fuck makes an appt with an OB if your NOT pregnant. Seriously!
So I said " Well, I've had an ultrasound, saw the baby, heard the heartbeat, and had 3 betas done. I go for my 8 week ultrasound on Monday and if all is well, I get sent back to your office".
So she said "Well, why dont you just call back then and make the appointment so you'll know for sure".
Umm................ok, thanks bitch!
Why would you EVER ask a women that? Are you really pregnant. And call back when you know for sure. ESPECIALLY a women who's coming from a Fertility clinic.
I so wish I had her name, because I would send in a complaint. I just think that was so rude.


Oh, and the crappiest news ever????
Russ is leaving for Hungry right after my ultrasound on Monday. He'll be gone for 2-3 weeks.
This sucks. Especially with how sick I am. AND I'm still on my shots which means I'll have to drive to my sisiters EVERY night to get my shot.
This just sucks. I want to cry.
I don't want him to go. I wish I had a say in it. He doesnt' want to go either, but he has no choice.

Well, that's my crappy day today. Yuck. I just want to go back to bed!

Blog Slacking!

I was so good at posting every day and now I'm a big slacker.
Sorry about that.

The truth is, I"m fighting major nauseua everyday. I'm happy about it because it confirms my pregnancy, however, it keeps me from doing even the simplest things including updating my blog.

Nothing much has been going on really.
Russ has a friend in town. He comes every April and him and Russ spend 5 days golfing from sun up to sun down. I kid you not! They start at 8am and come home around 9.
They really have a good time.

I figured out what was causing the itchy welts on my butt cheeks! I thought it was the shot, however, I realized that it was definatley a skin reaction, not an under the skin reaction. So I decided to stop putting a bandaid on after the shot and guess what??? THAT WAS THE PROBLEM!!! I was having a reaction to bandaids. Weird! But hey, it's not the medicine and that was the biggest thing. I had no intention of going back to the suppositories.

My sister, niece and I are going to the mall in a little bit so I can go get some preggo pops. Maybe that will help me feel somewhat normal again and I can be better at updating my blog.

That's all for now.

Back to the Shots!!

So I've decided that I'd rather have a progesterone shot in my ass every day rather then doing 2 suppositories.
Suppositories SUCK!!!
They are already eating up my insides and I've only been on them 2 days.
Plus, what a freaking mess!!! All Day! A big mess!!
Ugh.........hate them!!!
So, I called in a refill for the Progesterone in ethly olete and some new needles.
I'll start back on those tonight.
I already warned Russ. He seems ok with it. I'm sure he's a tad dissapointed, but I don't care.
I know he understands and that's all that matters.

Ultrasound Update!!

6w2d Thats how far along I am.

Ignore all the rest of my preggo dates. They are based on what the internet gave me. My new EDD is 12/13/08 according to the dr. I had my U/S today. I was so incredibly nervous. I thought I was going to throw up. I'm so thankful Russ was there. The nurse asked what we were expecting to see twins or what and I said I figured one. Just my own instinct. Well, as soon as he put the wand in there you could clearly see it was only one. He immediately said, "well it's just one and oh! there is the heart beat. I can see it already" He pointed it out to us. Then he went on to point out the yolk sac and everything. He was really thourough with his descriptions and I was glad, becuase I wanted Russ to understand everything. Then we HEARD the heartbeat. It was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. It was 123. Woo Hoo!!! The Dr said I was measuring 6w2d which was right on schedule according to my transfer. He also said the heart rate was right on. When the Dr and Nurse left the room, I immediately looked at Russ and said "I'm so relieved". We went on to discuss with each other that we were both nervous about having twins. However, neither one us would dare say anything until the U/S. I would have been happy with twins too, but I just would have been a nervous wreck the whole time.

We met with the Dr after that and he asked if I wanted to continue with the progesterone shots or switch to the progesterone suppositories. Well, this was a hard one. I've heard that the suppositories can be very irritating in you woo hoo area and also, they cause spotting. On the other hand, my ass cheeks are killing me from the shots. I have huge knots in both cheeks. They are so bruised that when I roll over at night, it wakes me up. So I asked if we could try the suppositories and if they are too irritating if I can switch back to the shots. He said yes. So that's what we're going to do. At least it will give my butt a break for a bit. Oh, then I asked if I could vacuum now. He said YES!! I know it seems silly, but I have not been able to vacuum in 4 weeks and I have brand new Pink Dyson Vacuum that I have to watch Russ use. Now I can use it!!

We still can't have an sex. I'm going on like 7 weeks of no sex. Russ and I have NEVER gone that long. Not even when we lived in two different states!!! However, now that I'll be stuffing progesterone up my woo hoo, I probably won't want to have sex anyway. I'll take my sexual frustrations out on my carpets with my vacuum!!!

Here's a pic of our Bambino!!! My bambino is on the left and the yolk sac is on the right.
























Next U/S is on May 5th. If all is ok then, I'll get transferred back to my OB.

Morning Sickness!

I have it!!
I'm glad too. I was so worried the last couple days with NO symptoms and my ultrasound not being until Monday.
However, my morning sickness started yesterday and has continuted through today.
I don't actually throw up. I am nauseous on and off all day long. I gag and dry heave in the mornings after my shower. I feel like throwing up but don't actually throw up.
I love it!!!! Well, I love that it's confirmation of my pregnancy. I don't really love feeling nauseous. You know what I'm saying.

I found something besides popsicles that I can eat for dinner.
Cheese and Crackers!!
I realize this is a tad on the fatty side and maybe not totally healthy, but it DOES cover calcium with the cheese and the crackers are whole wheat (another requirement according to What to Expect When Expecting). So although it may not be the best thing I can eat for dinner. It is something and it's not all bad. I can usually get down some veggies or fruit too.

I had a dream last night that I had twin boys. They were so cute.
I wonder if that means anything???

I have lots of stuff to do this weekend, so hopefully it will fly right by and Monday morning and 9am will be here before I know it!! Then I'll know for sure.............one baby or two!!

Have a great day!!

Wow! Two Blog posts in one day!!

Just wanted to point out that I added a Poll to the right side of my page.
Feel free to take a guess at the number of babies in my belly!!
Have fun!

YUMMY!!!!

THESE ARE THE BEST THINGS EVER!!!!!
I just ate 3 of them. I have no appetite at night, but I'm so thirsty and water and milk does not cut it. However, these sweet little gems do. They are so damn tasty!!!
I forsee having a freezer full of them.

Russ just heated up one of the stuffed peppers and made last night and I almost threw up. It smells horrible. I just ate one last night. Well half of one since my evening appetite is gone. But regardless I ate half of one and it tasted great. Now the thought one makes me want to vomit.

I was really worried today because I felt like some of my symptoms were gone this morning. However, they returned around 3pm. I got extremely tired. I came home after work and napped for almost 2 hours!!
Now I'm struggling to stay up until 9:30 so I can watch 2 and a half men with Russ.

Nightime pee'ing has become quite regular now. I wake up every night at 1am to pee and then about 5:30-6:00 to pee. It's odd to me because I'm so used to sleeping straight through the night and about 3 days before my BFP, that ended. Even without the pee'ing I don't sleep well. I toss and turn. Not sure why. Maybe because I dream so much. I don't know.
I can go to the bathroom and back without opening my eyes. Thats pretty good eh??

Well, I suppose I need to get ready to watch my show so I can go to bed. Have a great night!!

Sunday

I went to church today!!!
This may not seem big to any of you, but I have not went to church (other then for a wedding or baptism) since I was kid. I've always said that once I had children, I'd start going to church again because I wanted my child to make their own choice about church/religion. Not to mention, I live in the bible belt and my child will be a complete outcast if he/she doesn't belong to a church.
So, while praying for a BFP a couple weeks ago, I promised God that I would start going to church as soon as I got my BFP. So, I'm keeping my promise.
It wasn't as bad as I thought. I figured I'd go there and not know anything and stand out like a sore thumb, but I could pretty much follow along. I went with my sister too, so she helped me along. It felt pretty good to go. Even if I don't understand it all yet, I will by the time my child starts to ask questions.

I did some shopping after church and then came home and did some cleaning. I took my nap, but only slept for about 45 minutes because one of my Aunts called to congratulate me.
I'm going to try really hard to stay up and watch Desperate Housewives, but I really don't see it happening. I'm thinking I'll have to watch it tomorrow after work.

I also realized that I have no evening appetite.
I can eat breakfast, lunch, and snack, but when it comes to dinner, blech!
I crave certain food for dinner. Last night I wanted beef stroganoff, so I made it. Couldn't eat it. Well, I had a couple bites, but for some reason, I can't eat after 4pm.
Tonight I'm making stuffed peppers. They are almost ready and I feel so full, I have no urge to eat them.
I guess it's beats morning sickness right??

Ultrasound in ONE WEEK!! YAY!!!
Oye.........this week is going to drag by so slow!!!

Nothing Exciting

Friday:
I struggled to get out of bed. I think because I did not have my nap on Thursday. It makes such a difference. I've been told it's going to get worse too. I feel so lazy. ugh.
So after work, I came home and took a nap before I went to the play with my mom.
We have season tickets to the little theater in Salisbury. Fridays show was "Hot Mikado" . It was like a musical. It was really good. The songs were great and the play itself was hysterical. My sister, mom, and I laughed our butts off.
The play didn't end until 9:30. By the time I got home, it was almost 10pm. I tried to stay up and check my forums and email, but it actually hurt to try and keep my eyes open, so I went to bed.
I slept until 9:30pm this morning!! I have not slept in a long time. It felt good.

Saturday:
I was supposed to go to a baptism with Russ for his boss's son. However, it was like an hour away and I had so much to do. Russ said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I jumped on the chance to back out. I felt kind of bad, but he didn't go with me to my friends baptism, so I guess we're even. Plus, I had a ton to do.
I was also supposed to go to my friend Sarahs and finish helping her set up her Quickbooks, but her son got pink eye so she told me to stay away. I got some laundry done and cleaned the kitchen.
Then I made beef stroganoff for dinner. I craved it all day and when it was done, I could barely eat it. I think because I had milk before hand. Milk really fills you up. I had no idea. I bet that's why people lose weight when they drink milk.

Nothing much with preggo symptoms today. My normal tiredness and some sharp pains in the boobs, but that's about it.
When do you think time starts flying by?? It hasn't yet. It's going by so slow. Maybe after my ultrasound when I know everything is ok time will pick up.

Well, I'm off to bed.
Sorry this was a REALLY boring entry.
Just not much excitement going on.

Beta# 3 Results

2730!
Right on target.
My ultrasound is scheduled for April 21, 2008.
11 Days away!!! That is going to be torture!!

Confusing Day

It's really hard to be so happy for me and watch others be sad.
I have so many TTC friends going through so much sadness and dissapointment.
It doesn't seem fair. I feel really bad today.

My cousins wife, who went through IVF this cycle too, just got a negative beta today. I just feel awful about it. We were supposed to be pregnant together.
When we started cycling together we talked about how cool it would be to get pregnant at the same time. The whole time I was thinking, that would be too good to be true. I figured I'd be the one not getting pregnant and she'd get preggo no problem. So when I got my BFP, I thought, YAY!! We're going to be pregnant together. I never even thought for a second it wouldn't work for her. I can't imagine how devastated her and my cousin feel.
And I just feel really bad now.
I realize I've been trying for 3 years and I've been through hell and back and I know that I desearve this, but it's bitter sweet. It's hard to celebrate and be so happy for me while others are suffering. It's just not fair.

In other depressing news...........................
Russ's company is having him lead a big project. He'll be the leader of a group of people setting up a new line. Sounds great right??? Well the new line is being set up in HUNGRY!
So, my husband (starting in May) will be in hungry every 2 weeks. So I'll have a temporary husbnad for 6 months to a year. Home 2 weeks, gone 2 weeks, home 2 weeks, gone 2 weeks, etc. That just SUCKS!!
AND! What if I'm pregnant with twins and I have to be limited in my activities? Then it's really going to suck!! I already told him that if I'm on any weight restrictions that he'll have to buy me several cases of water and bags of dog food before he leaves. Plus, what about the cat litter?? Who is going to scoop that? I can't. I'm going to have to pay my sister or someone. Not to mention, I'm going to be lonely as hell!! This sucks!
I am thankful that we moved back to Salisbury now. At least I'll be close to my friends and family.

Well, that's it for today. Nothing fun and upbeat! Really, it's Blah!

Tomorrow is my 3rd and final beta. I'm praying for another good number. Hopefully I'll be able to schedule my U/S too.

Beta #2 Results

Well, my second beta came in at 1064!
This is pretty much exactly where it should have been for 72 hours.
I feel so much better now.
I was worried yesterday.

I didn't have any crazy dreams last night. However, that could be because I barely slept since I was afraid to dream.
Today my back was killing me and I had cramps all day. I'm not sure if it was from sitting all day or what. I really don't sit well in my office chair. I slouch.

I've been losing about 1/2 pound a day since I got my BFP. I don't know why. I'm eating plenty. My sister said she lost weight for her whole 1st tri. It's weird. I'd think I'd gain with all this bloat I have going on.

I have one more beta on Thursday and if all is well they will schedule my Ultra sound. Probably it will be next week. I think I'll be six weeks then. Then I can put everyones mind to rest since your all wondering whether it's one or two babies in there.
I'm 99% sure it's only one, but I'll take either. If I have one I'm happy and if I have Two I'm happy.

I got another 20 day supply of progesterone shots today. Oh yay!!
I actually have lumps in my ass from these shots. Like little marbles. Ugh!! It doesnt' hurt as much as it used too, but still.

Well, that's it for now.
Later!!

Ugh!! Stupid Dreams!!

Last night I had a dream that during my first ultrasound they found out I was pregnant with 6 babies. AND................they were connected at the head in groups of 3.
Then the Dr went on to tell me that I'd never be able have my own childrend because I had this disorder that would make this always happen. So I slid the table and cried hysterically.
Ugh............it was awful.
What kind of freaking dream is that? Is this what I have to look forward too when I go to bed.
I don't even want to fall asleep.

The other night I dreamed I had a miscarriage.

I've been nervous all day about that too. I'm completely freaked out about tomorrows beta. What if it doesn't double? In all acutality, it should more then double.
I'm so scared it will be lower. I have not had any spotting or anything, but my symptoms are not getting worse. My boobs are not any more sore. My super nose is pretty much gone. I brushed my teeth without gagging this mornig. I've still had cramping on an off.
I don't know why I'm freaking out. I just need to get tomorrows results.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE OVER 900!!!

LOVE my Husband!!

I know I complain about him some times when he's so insensitive, but today............he was freaking awsome!!!

I have not been able to vacuum or do any major cleaning since my retreival per the dr, so my house has just been collecting dirt and dust for 2 weeks. BARF!!
Now for those of you who know me............this makes me NUTS!! Especially since we have 2 dogs and two cats.
Anyway, I went to my friends house to help her set up her home business on Quickbooks, when I got home.............................Russ had cleaned my whole downstairs!! Kitchen, Living Room, Dining Room, Den, and bathroom. And when I say cleaned.................I mean CLEANED!! He took all the cushins off couch and vacuumed them. He dusted and scrubbed everything. I was so impressed. This is the first time he's cleaned that I haven't felt the need to go behind him and re clean some stuff. He did great!! And I REALLY appreciate it because I HATE having a dirty house.

After he cleaned, he went to Lowes and Walmart to get some stuff and when he got home he had bought me a card. It was a congrats on pregnancy card and he wrote some really sweet stuff in it. I cried. Don't know if that was hormones or if it was just really that sweet!! I think it was just really that sweet.
He's been so wonderful ever since the transfer and now that I'm pregnant, it just continues.
Plus, I think I can actually see HIM glowing.

Beta Results are in...........

409

The "Norm" for 4 weeks is 15-476, so I'm good.
Now the long wait to Mondays beta to see if they double.

****************************************************

Also wanted to thank everyone for their comments on my last post.
I had NO idea so many people read my blog.
Looks like I have a bunch of new blogs to read:)

4 Weeks 3 Days Pregnant

I know your all waiting for the DH story, so here it is!! I went to the Dollar Store and got some Balloons. They didnt' have plain solid colors so I couldnt' do pink and blue. I did some mylar balloons. A congrats one, a couple smilies, and couple different colored hearts. I also bought him a bottle of wine and a bib that said "I Love My Daddy". I put the pics of our embryos in a frame. Tooka Digi test and put that along with the other two test I took on the counter. I also put my new book "What to Expect when Expecting" and a baby name book on the counter for him to see as soon as he walked in. Here is what it looked like:


















I called him to ask what time he was coming home because sometimes he works until 7pm. I had to go watch my neice and I wanted to be there when he saw it. So he said he was leaving around 5pm. I told him to hurry because I "Bought" him a surprise. Around 4:30, I went to check the display I made and the "Pregnant" had dissapeared off the digi. I went and read the directions and it said it only stays on there for an HOUR! I so should have read the directions BEFORE I POAS. So I called Russ back and told him to call me when he was in the car on his way home so I could get his "surprise" ready. Since I'd have to pee on the other digi and I didn't want it to dissapear. Well, I heard the garage open around 6:15. I was so excited I met him at the door and said "Are you ready for your surprise?" So he came in saw it, looked at me, looked back at the stuff, went closer and said "Are you?" I said "YUP"!! and he was like "Really? This is for real?" I said "Yup! We are Really Pregnant. It took 3 years honey, but we finally did it". He started shakeing and crying and hugging me. Then I cried. Especially since my husband does NOT cry. He doesnt' cry when he's sad, or at funerals or at Extreme Makeover home edition. I don't think he's cried since he was a kid. Then he just kept hugging me. He asked who knew and I said Pretty much everyone in the world beside my parents and your family. I wanted to save someone for you to tell I asked if he was mad that I didn't call him and explained why and he said NO! I loved my surprise. Then he told me he just figured I bought something for his new truck. Like that was going to happen!! Then he called his sister and his mom and dad. He was so excited. Couldn't stop smiling!!! His mom was so excited she said "Oh, I can't wait to tell work i'll need a few weeks off in November or December!!" It was so nice to give them GOOD NEWS about this TTC thing.


Also, my friend Sara gave me a bunch of stuff yesterday:














One of the best things in there is her Doppler!! Obviously I'll have to give that one back but I'm so excited I don't have to buy one. And it's a good one too!!


Then my old assistant Shellie sent me this nice little plant and balloons.



















I was awoken by terrible cramps last night. I was so scared. I went to the bathroom and luckily no blood. I had the cramps for maybe 5-10 minutes and they went way and I fell back asleep. I was so scared though that I ended up dreaming I had a miscarriage. Ugh....that sucked!! I woke up today and POAS again. Just to make sure yesterday was not a dream. I took a pic of me with it for those that reaquested it.

















I realized too that once you POAS and get a positive, THAT is when all your symptoms REALLY start. This morning I was gagging the whole time I brushed my teeth. I had to brush my teeth over the toilet because I thought for sure I was going to vomit. Oh, and I was starving while in the shower. I had to go eat a nutri grain bar before I could even get dressed. That's very different since usually I don't eat until 10am. Then this morning I went and did my beta. Now I just await the results. I hope I get a high number. Especially after the cramps. It's going to be a long weekend waiting for my second set of results. Stressful, but I'll just remain positive.

In news that is NOT about me.........My Friend Erin had her babies!!!
She was only 31 weeks. The boys (Maddox & Marcus) were born about 4lbs each.
They have feeding tubes and oxygen and stuff, but they are doing great!!!
Erin sounds good too. I still can not get over that she's a mom!!
Life is so crazy sometimes!!

Congrats Erin and Steve!!!!
Love you guys!

Priceless!

Shared Risk Program: $23,000.00

Pre Testing for IVF: $3,730.00

Medicine: $1,669.70

Finally being able to post this picture................PRICELESS!!!

I really had no intention of POAS (Peeing on a stick) today. But my friend Erin went to the hospital last night. She's 31 weeks pregnant with twins and her water broke last night.

I talked to her a couple times. When I hung up with her at 10:00pm she said "Barb, Do me a favor. POAS tomorrow so you can get your BFP on the same day my boys are born".

Well, how do you say no to that!!

Then I had a dream while I slept. I dreamt that I got a BFP on those exact sames tests that I had in my drawer.

So I got up this morning. Convinced I was NOT pregnant because my boobs are not really sore anymore, but I knew I had to POAS for Erin and just so I can stop wondering.

I actually peed in a cup because I really suck at actually hitting the stick while trying to pee directly on it. So I pee'd in the cup, dipped the test in, set it on the counter and went down stairs to let the dogs out. Came right back up saying to myself "this is going to be negative, be prepared". Well, I was so wrong!! It was positive. And not just a little. I didn't even have to squint. I mean it was REALLY positive!!

I just started shaking and crying and saying OMG OMG OMG, while I walked in circles in my bathroom. I kept looking at it in disbelief. Then I pulled out a Dollar Store test and did that one and that was positive too, so I knew the first one wasn't a fluke.

I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

3 Freaking years of hell and this moment was worth every minute of it!!!

I'm just so confused

I don't know what to feel.
Part of me "thinks" I'm pregnant right now.
The other part of me is saying "your mind and body are playing tricks on you. You're not pregnant. Stop thinking your pregnant or your going to be absolutely devastated on Friday".
I don't know which part to listen to.
I WANT to be positive. I've worked so hard on being more positive about life. But I'm so scared that I'll be positive and then the let down will be worse. Like if I just think that I'm NOT pregnant, maybe it won't hurt so bad if I get a negative test.

My symptoms so far:
Mild cramping on and off all day since 3 days post tranfer
Sore boobs started a few days ago and get more sore every day.
Sore Itchy Nips
A very small spotting incident
Increase in acne on chest (gross I know)
Some muscle pull pains in my uterus area

So nothing too much. And other then the spotting, everything else can be explained away by the progesterone shots.

Well, that's it. I need to find something to do to keep my mind busy.