This is the question my husband asked me tonight. Why?
Because I'm upset. I had a really crappy day. Full of being denied for various things such as a line of credit to my checking account and my van inspection. Neither are a big deal I realize. I took more money out my 401K, so I don't need the line of credit any longer, but I'm upset about being denied for it. I was denied because my husband has destroyed his credit and as hard as I've worked on fixing it, it's not good enough yet. The van is no big deal either really. I just need two new tires. Normally, no biggy. However, considering I'm scraping every fucking penny I can right now to pay for this IVF so I can have something that SO many people get for free, $100 for new tires is yet another set back in my charmed financial life.
I'm just sick of the set backs. I'm sick of taking two steps forward and having something knock me on my ass again.
I'm pissed that my mom has not offered one penny to help us out. I know they are not loaded, but they could afford to give us something. My mom pays $200 a month towards my nieces cathlic school, yet after hearing about our struggle for money, she's offered us nothing.
My dad told me to take a loan from Arch Tech. He'd give me money even if he was broke. He'd take a loan out for me if needed. Again, I don't need the money anymore, but I'm so happy at least HE offered it to me.
I so badly wanted to come home and talk to someone. I know that I can't talk to my husband. He just doesn't ever understand anything that I'm upset about. EVER. Of course I don't NEED him to understand. I need him to hug me and tell me it's ok. BUT nope. He says "Well, I'm going to go in the other room and let you calm down". WTF?? Seriously? He can NEVER comfort me.
Then when I say "I don't NEED to be left along" he said "Is the the Medicine or are you upset about something else. BEcause I don't get it and I don't know what you want me to do."
Nice. Do nothing you fucking schmuck! Do NOTHING! That will make it better!
I miss my friend. I miss talking to her on the phone. I miss the relationship I used to have with her. I don't why certain things in life have to change. I understand change. I just don't get this one. I never thought anything would change our friendship. But life did. Life changed it. I doubt it will ever be what it was. And that hurts so much.
So now, I have to blog my frustrating days because my husband doesnt get it. Doesn't even try to. I don't know who else to talk to.
I am thankful for my online friends. I've met some great people online. It's the one positive thing about my fertility issues. I've met some truely wonderful women. I wouldn't trade that for the world.
This has just been a really shitty day. I'm probably just going to go to bed.
Maybe it is the medicine. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm sick and tired of getting the really shitty cards dealt to me. Like the infertility card wasn't bad enough, keep throwing more shitty cards to me. Obviously you think I can handle it. Guess we'll wait and see.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Lupron Side Effect?????
Does Lupron make you more domesticated? Just wondering because I have cooked dinner THREE nights in a row!
Those of you who know me, know that my husband does all the cooking. I very rarely cook.
However, Lately I've had all this motivation in the kitchen!
Tonight I made the best dinner. It was so easy, yet so delicious. Russ said aside of my stuffed green peppers, this is the best meal I've ever cooked. AND.....................it's the easiest clean up ever! 'm going to post the recipe for this dinner at the end of my blog entry today.
Melissa - You and Patty will LOVE this. Make sure you try and let me know what you think!
On to other news................I DID IT!!!
I gave myself my Lupron shot today!! I'm such a big girl.
It didn't hurt at all. Like a little prick of the skin.
A week from tomorrow I may be starting my stimulation drugs. Can you believe it? Time is flying by. Everyone said it would, but I didn't believe any of them.\
Well, that's it for today.
Here is the YUMMY recipe I promised you..............
Foil-Pack Chicken and Artichoke Dinner
"Baked in a foil-pack, this Mediterranean-inspired chicken and rice dish is ready to eat in less than an hour."
INGREDIENTS:
3 cups instant white rice,
uncooked
3 cups warm water
6 small boneless skinless
chicken breast halves, 1/2 inch
thick
1 (13.75 ounce) can artichoke
hearts, drained, quartered
2 cups chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup KRAFT Zesty Italian
Dressing
1/4 cup pesto
DIRECTIONS:
1.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Mix rice and water; spoon evenly onto center of each of six large sheets of heavy-duty foil. Top each with 1 chicken breast. Cover evenly with the artichokes and tomatoes, then drizzle evenly with the combined dressing and pesto.
2.
Bring up foil sides. Double fold top and both ends to seal each packet, leaving room for heat circulation inside. Place packets in single layer in 15x10x1-inch baking pan.
3.
Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until chicken is cooked through (170 degrees F). Remove packets from oven; let stand 5 minutes. Place one packet on each of six dinner plates. Cut slits in foil with sharp knife to release steam before opening.
Those of you who know me, know that my husband does all the cooking. I very rarely cook.
However, Lately I've had all this motivation in the kitchen!
Tonight I made the best dinner. It was so easy, yet so delicious. Russ said aside of my stuffed green peppers, this is the best meal I've ever cooked. AND.....................it's the easiest clean up ever! 'm going to post the recipe for this dinner at the end of my blog entry today.
Melissa - You and Patty will LOVE this. Make sure you try and let me know what you think!
On to other news................I DID IT!!!
I gave myself my Lupron shot today!! I'm such a big girl.
It didn't hurt at all. Like a little prick of the skin.
A week from tomorrow I may be starting my stimulation drugs. Can you believe it? Time is flying by. Everyone said it would, but I didn't believe any of them.\
Well, that's it for today.
Here is the YUMMY recipe I promised you..............
Foil-Pack Chicken and Artichoke Dinner
"Baked in a foil-pack, this Mediterranean-inspired chicken and rice dish is ready to eat in less than an hour."
INGREDIENTS:
3 cups instant white rice,
uncooked
3 cups warm water
6 small boneless skinless
chicken breast halves, 1/2 inch
thick
1 (13.75 ounce) can artichoke
hearts, drained, quartered
2 cups chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup KRAFT Zesty Italian
Dressing
1/4 cup pesto
DIRECTIONS:
1.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Mix rice and water; spoon evenly onto center of each of six large sheets of heavy-duty foil. Top each with 1 chicken breast. Cover evenly with the artichokes and tomatoes, then drizzle evenly with the combined dressing and pesto.
2.
Bring up foil sides. Double fold top and both ends to seal each packet, leaving room for heat circulation inside. Place packets in single layer in 15x10x1-inch baking pan.
3.
Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until chicken is cooked through (170 degrees F). Remove packets from oven; let stand 5 minutes. Place one packet on each of six dinner plates. Cut slits in foil with sharp knife to release steam before opening.
I wimped out!
I could NOT give myself the shot last night.
I made Russ do it.
He was nervous about it too. Did it a little too slow. I had to say "Ow! Too Slow Too Slow!!!"
Then I felt bad. He didn't take personally though. I would have done the same thing probably.
He's really nervous about doing the Progesterone shots. Those are the ones with the 1 1/2" needle and where you can actually hit nerves and such. He told me again last night that he's kind of scared to do it. I told him that I could have my sister do it. She's only 2 miles away, it's no biggy. But he said NOPE. I want to do my part in this. You have to get all the shots, I can at least do this for you. I'll get used it.
So sweet isn't he??
I'm going to try again to do my own shot again tonight. I really have to be able to do this myself since Russ works so much. Eventually, I'll be having like 3-5 shots a day at different times and Russ may not always be around. Between working all those crazy hours and golf, I'm sure there will be times he won't be there when I need a shot. So I NEED to figure this out.
I need to stop being a wimp. I am women..............hear me ROAR!!!
I made Russ do it.
He was nervous about it too. Did it a little too slow. I had to say "Ow! Too Slow Too Slow!!!"
Then I felt bad. He didn't take personally though. I would have done the same thing probably.
He's really nervous about doing the Progesterone shots. Those are the ones with the 1 1/2" needle and where you can actually hit nerves and such. He told me again last night that he's kind of scared to do it. I told him that I could have my sister do it. She's only 2 miles away, it's no biggy. But he said NOPE. I want to do my part in this. You have to get all the shots, I can at least do this for you. I'll get used it.
So sweet isn't he??
I'm going to try again to do my own shot again tonight. I really have to be able to do this myself since Russ works so much. Eventually, I'll be having like 3-5 shots a day at different times and Russ may not always be around. Between working all those crazy hours and golf, I'm sure there will be times he won't be there when I need a shot. So I NEED to figure this out.
I need to stop being a wimp. I am women..............hear me ROAR!!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Appointment Today
I had my appointment today for my Injection class, Trial Transfter, and Hystosonogram. Oh, and I had to have more bloodwork because the hospitial forgot to run my Hep B and Hep C tests with my last blood draw. Bastards!
Anyway, we left the house at 7am today and drove to Charolotte. The drive sucked! Charlotte is so freaking crowded during rush hour. Way too many people and way too little road!
I'm so glad Russ drove because I would have been a nervous wreck!
We got there at 8:30 and I went to the lab and had my blood work done. Then Russ and I had the injection class. It was really lame. We didn't get to practice or anything. Just listened. Well, actually, there was this funny a partial body (basically, a butt with stumps), and the guys did get to practice the Progesterone shots on those. Those shots are the Intermuscular shots and are pretty painful I guess and hard to do. So she did let them practice on the butt. Russ did well.
Then I had my other stuff. The trial transfer was a piece of cake!! I didn't feel a thing. Actually I didn't even know he'd done it. Good thing we did the trial too because my cervix is crooked or somehting. He needed to put in a special plastic piece to help guide the cathedar. Still didn't feel a thing so that was great.
Then he asked if I wanted to empty my bladder (needed to be full for the trial transfer) and I said no, just do the hystersonogram. So he did. That one SUCKED!!
Same type deal however, they shoot dye in your uterus and it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch!!!
The Dr also informed me that we do NOT need to do ICSI which REALLY pisses me off. We already paid for ICSI based on HIS notes in my file.
He said now that he would reccomend a "partial" ICSI. Maybe do a few with ICSI and then see how the rest do naturally. So now I have to call and find out the price difference and see if we can get a refund from integramed. We paid an extra $2500 for the ICSI. If we can get half that back, that'd be great! We'll see what they say.
Now I"m home because I'm tired. I slept like crap last night and I have a headache, so I decided not to go into work. I'm going to make some calls and take a nap.
Oh, and I started my Lupron shots last night. All is good with that!
Anyway, we left the house at 7am today and drove to Charolotte. The drive sucked! Charlotte is so freaking crowded during rush hour. Way too many people and way too little road!
I'm so glad Russ drove because I would have been a nervous wreck!
We got there at 8:30 and I went to the lab and had my blood work done. Then Russ and I had the injection class. It was really lame. We didn't get to practice or anything. Just listened. Well, actually, there was this funny a partial body (basically, a butt with stumps), and the guys did get to practice the Progesterone shots on those. Those shots are the Intermuscular shots and are pretty painful I guess and hard to do. So she did let them practice on the butt. Russ did well.
Then I had my other stuff. The trial transfer was a piece of cake!! I didn't feel a thing. Actually I didn't even know he'd done it. Good thing we did the trial too because my cervix is crooked or somehting. He needed to put in a special plastic piece to help guide the cathedar. Still didn't feel a thing so that was great.
Then he asked if I wanted to empty my bladder (needed to be full for the trial transfer) and I said no, just do the hystersonogram. So he did. That one SUCKED!!
Same type deal however, they shoot dye in your uterus and it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch!!!
The Dr also informed me that we do NOT need to do ICSI which REALLY pisses me off. We already paid for ICSI based on HIS notes in my file.
He said now that he would reccomend a "partial" ICSI. Maybe do a few with ICSI and then see how the rest do naturally. So now I have to call and find out the price difference and see if we can get a refund from integramed. We paid an extra $2500 for the ICSI. If we can get half that back, that'd be great! We'll see what they say.
Now I"m home because I'm tired. I slept like crap last night and I have a headache, so I decided not to go into work. I'm going to make some calls and take a nap.
Oh, and I started my Lupron shots last night. All is good with that!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Kind of left ya hanging eh?
I forgot to update yesterday and tell you that I talked to my nurse who talked to the pharmacy and everything got all straightned out. My Lupron "Should" be today at noon. I will not hold my breath. I will not even believe it until I see them on my front porch. They are supposed to be delivered by noon, so I'll run home at lunch and check it out.
In other news..........I think my husband is AWSOME!! I know I comment alot on his "engineer" tendencies and how they annoy me. However, sometimes they come in REALLY handy.
Like last week, he made me a template for my blankets I make. He made it out of Plexi glass and its AWSOME!! So much easier to use then a cardboard template.
THEN................last night I was cutting some material with my electric scissors he bought me years ago and the blades are getting so dull that it was taking forever and screwing up my fabric, etc. Well he said just sharpent them. Well, I couldn't see how they could be sharpened. They are not normal scissors. I can't really explain them. Anyway, he took them, took the whole thing apart so he could get to the blades, sharpended them and put them back together. They work GREAT!!! I was so damn impressed! I could never have put them back together right. There were like 20 pcs. Anyway, sometimes is "brainy" self really pays off in my favor.
Well, that's it for now. I'll update later if and when I get my shot!
In other news..........I think my husband is AWSOME!! I know I comment alot on his "engineer" tendencies and how they annoy me. However, sometimes they come in REALLY handy.
Like last week, he made me a template for my blankets I make. He made it out of Plexi glass and its AWSOME!! So much easier to use then a cardboard template.
THEN................last night I was cutting some material with my electric scissors he bought me years ago and the blades are getting so dull that it was taking forever and screwing up my fabric, etc. Well he said just sharpent them. Well, I couldn't see how they could be sharpened. They are not normal scissors. I can't really explain them. Anyway, he took them, took the whole thing apart so he could get to the blades, sharpended them and put them back together. They work GREAT!!! I was so damn impressed! I could never have put them back together right. There were like 20 pcs. Anyway, sometimes is "brainy" self really pays off in my favor.
Well, that's it for now. I'll update later if and when I get my shot!
Friday, February 22, 2008
WHY ME????
I don't understand why everything crappy happens to me. I realize that my current issue compared to what some people deal with, is nothing. But to me it's just frustrating!!!
I thought I was finally set with my Lupron shipment. I was wrong.
I got home today and my package was at the door. YAY!! Well, I opened it up and NOT SO YAY!
They sent me the WRONG Lupron. I need the 2-week kit (which I explained to at least 6 people there this past week) and they sent me the ONE month shot. So I paid $80 for a perscription that I can NOT use.
Anyway, I called. At first I was just irritated. But while sitting on hold, I realized that this for sure could delay my IVF by 6-8 more weeks. Well, I immediately burst in to tears. By the time the lady got back on the phone I was a mess. So I cried and told her that I had to have the right stuff by Tuesday. She said my nurse never specified what Lupron I needed. HELLO?? Why would you send anything then? Why would you NOT call my nurse and get the info. I was hysterical. Anyway, she promised me that she'd get confirmation of exactly what I needed on Monday and overnight so I'd have it on Tuesday.
I'm not holding my breath. This mail order place screws everything up and I have a feeling that this will end up delaying my IVF. Right now, I'll try and stay positive. But it's really hard.
I also got our antibiotics. Those were right. Guess it's hard to screw those up.
It's 7:30pm and Russ is still not home. He's worked until 6:30 or 7pm every night this week. He also worked last Saturday and Sunday. It sucks. He comes home so miserable that he doesnt' even hang out with me. Just hibernates in the other living room.
I'm so freaking alone. And I'm getting angry at him. Which I realize is not fair, but I can't help it. The worst part is, I keep thinking...............what if he's not working? What if he's out with someone? I'd never know.
It's ridiculous to think these things. I have no reason to think he'd cheat on me. But between working late and his lack of sex drive, I can't help but wonder.
For those of you who know Russ I"m sure your thinking yah right? But really, ya never know.
Maybe my Baby Wanting Basket Case of a Women Self has driven him away. Would I ever really know?
Shit I had a guy cheat on my for years and it was obvious to everyone but me! I look back now and can see it but I always had excuses for him when we were dateing.
I don't know. This is stupid. I'm sure he's not cheating on me. I think. I don't know.
I think I'm going crazy.
Well, I've got to go find my brain. I know it's somewhere here.
I thought I was finally set with my Lupron shipment. I was wrong.
I got home today and my package was at the door. YAY!! Well, I opened it up and NOT SO YAY!
They sent me the WRONG Lupron. I need the 2-week kit (which I explained to at least 6 people there this past week) and they sent me the ONE month shot. So I paid $80 for a perscription that I can NOT use.
Anyway, I called. At first I was just irritated. But while sitting on hold, I realized that this for sure could delay my IVF by 6-8 more weeks. Well, I immediately burst in to tears. By the time the lady got back on the phone I was a mess. So I cried and told her that I had to have the right stuff by Tuesday. She said my nurse never specified what Lupron I needed. HELLO?? Why would you send anything then? Why would you NOT call my nurse and get the info. I was hysterical. Anyway, she promised me that she'd get confirmation of exactly what I needed on Monday and overnight so I'd have it on Tuesday.
I'm not holding my breath. This mail order place screws everything up and I have a feeling that this will end up delaying my IVF. Right now, I'll try and stay positive. But it's really hard.
I also got our antibiotics. Those were right. Guess it's hard to screw those up.
It's 7:30pm and Russ is still not home. He's worked until 6:30 or 7pm every night this week. He also worked last Saturday and Sunday. It sucks. He comes home so miserable that he doesnt' even hang out with me. Just hibernates in the other living room.
I'm so freaking alone. And I'm getting angry at him. Which I realize is not fair, but I can't help it. The worst part is, I keep thinking...............what if he's not working? What if he's out with someone? I'd never know.
It's ridiculous to think these things. I have no reason to think he'd cheat on me. But between working late and his lack of sex drive, I can't help but wonder.
For those of you who know Russ I"m sure your thinking yah right? But really, ya never know.
Maybe my Baby Wanting Basket Case of a Women Self has driven him away. Would I ever really know?
Shit I had a guy cheat on my for years and it was obvious to everyone but me! I look back now and can see it but I always had excuses for him when we were dateing.
I don't know. This is stupid. I'm sure he's not cheating on me. I think. I don't know.
I think I'm going crazy.
Well, I've got to go find my brain. I know it's somewhere here.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Things are moving right along
Well, One week from today, I'll be doing my trial transfer and hystersonogram. Also, Russ and I will get our Injection training so we'll know how to give me the shots!
I take my first shot on Tuesday. One day earlier then my class, so my sister is going to do it.
I've ordered all my meds that I know of so far. My bill so far is $1,626.00. I'm hopeing everything else I need will be covered by insurance for $40-$80 co pays. It's about $700 more then I was hoping, but what can I do. I need it right.
I also found out that I have to pay for my Anesthesia in advance. That's $800.00
So basically, I wired $23,000.00 to integramed today.
I mailed $1,558 to the clinic for some past tests.
I've spent $950 in appointments already this month.
I have to have $1,626.00 on March 4th for meds.
I have to have $1,998.00 on March 7th for the Anesthesia, Trial Transfer, and Hystosonogram.
So, my grand total from January 1st - March 7th is.......................(((drum roll please)))........................... $29,132.00
Oh, and I almost forgot, if I have embryos left over that can be frozen, that will cost another $1,100!!
I've already stressed about it and I'm over it. I know that when I have my baby or babies, I'll forget ALL of those numbers. It WILL be worth it. I WILL get me a baby!
I'm not thinking about money anymore.
Nothing else much new here.
I take my first shot on Tuesday. One day earlier then my class, so my sister is going to do it.
I've ordered all my meds that I know of so far. My bill so far is $1,626.00. I'm hopeing everything else I need will be covered by insurance for $40-$80 co pays. It's about $700 more then I was hoping, but what can I do. I need it right.
I also found out that I have to pay for my Anesthesia in advance. That's $800.00
So basically, I wired $23,000.00 to integramed today.
I mailed $1,558 to the clinic for some past tests.
I've spent $950 in appointments already this month.
I have to have $1,626.00 on March 4th for meds.
I have to have $1,998.00 on March 7th for the Anesthesia, Trial Transfer, and Hystosonogram.
So, my grand total from January 1st - March 7th is.......................(((drum roll please)))........................... $29,132.00
Oh, and I almost forgot, if I have embryos left over that can be frozen, that will cost another $1,100!!
I've already stressed about it and I'm over it. I know that when I have my baby or babies, I'll forget ALL of those numbers. It WILL be worth it. I WILL get me a baby!
I'm not thinking about money anymore.
Nothing else much new here.
Monday, February 18, 2008
PLEASE tell my husband................
that bills do NOT go away if you ignore them!
Collection agencies do NOT forget about a bill that you owe.
My husband has owed $97 to Sprints since 2003. Before we got together. They sent letters and collection agents sent letters and he threw them out. It showed up on our credit report in July when we bought our house and Russ said it wasn't his. Must be a mistake.
So anyway, tonight, they called the house (pretty scary that they have this number when my husband doesn't even know our home phone number and it's in MY name) but anyway, I gave him the phone and I heard him say "What is it? I'll check on it an call you back, what's your number" . I know he wasnt' writing the number down since he was in the living room with NO pen. Anyway, after he hung up, he told me it was Sprint again. So, I'm like well why not just deal with it. He's like I dont' have an account from 2006 so it's not mine. So why not tell them that? I mean seriously. It does NOT JUST GO AWAY!!!!
Anyway, I called them back (number on caller ID), I asked all the details they had. They said the account was from 2001-2003 and he never paid the last bill. I spent 15 minutes on the phone having this nice chat with the collection lady. Getting all the details we needed and talking about how ridiculous it was to send a $97 to a collection agency 3 years AFTER the bill was due and to still be collecting on it 2 more years after that.
She said didn't you get all our letters? I was like um...................probably. But my husband thinks if he ignores stuff, it just goes away, hence why I called you back. So anyway, I have their address and I'm sending them $97 since my husband is a pain in the freaking ass!
I'm getting so sick and tired of fixing every freaking flaw on his credit report. I've taken care of EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM on there so far. His judgments...............I CALLED and got as much info as I could so we could get all of this shit straightend out. He just freaking ignores everything and then blames the companies when it show's up on our credit report. No ASS HAT! It's YOUR FAULT! And if you truely don't owe the money then take care of it THEN! That way, you have ALL the info and proof you need. You don't ignore them for years and expect to win! You're not hurting them................you're hurting OUR credit! So just take care of it already!!!
Ughhhh...........I want to slap him!
The worst part is. He's annoyed with me right now because I called back and got the info.
Are you kidding me????? I'm FiXING IT!
I have to go to bed before I slap someone.
Collection agencies do NOT forget about a bill that you owe.
My husband has owed $97 to Sprints since 2003. Before we got together. They sent letters and collection agents sent letters and he threw them out. It showed up on our credit report in July when we bought our house and Russ said it wasn't his. Must be a mistake.
So anyway, tonight, they called the house (pretty scary that they have this number when my husband doesn't even know our home phone number and it's in MY name) but anyway, I gave him the phone and I heard him say "What is it? I'll check on it an call you back, what's your number" . I know he wasnt' writing the number down since he was in the living room with NO pen. Anyway, after he hung up, he told me it was Sprint again. So, I'm like well why not just deal with it. He's like I dont' have an account from 2006 so it's not mine. So why not tell them that? I mean seriously. It does NOT JUST GO AWAY!!!!
Anyway, I called them back (number on caller ID), I asked all the details they had. They said the account was from 2001-2003 and he never paid the last bill. I spent 15 minutes on the phone having this nice chat with the collection lady. Getting all the details we needed and talking about how ridiculous it was to send a $97 to a collection agency 3 years AFTER the bill was due and to still be collecting on it 2 more years after that.
She said didn't you get all our letters? I was like um...................probably. But my husband thinks if he ignores stuff, it just goes away, hence why I called you back. So anyway, I have their address and I'm sending them $97 since my husband is a pain in the freaking ass!
I'm getting so sick and tired of fixing every freaking flaw on his credit report. I've taken care of EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM on there so far. His judgments...............I CALLED and got as much info as I could so we could get all of this shit straightend out. He just freaking ignores everything and then blames the companies when it show's up on our credit report. No ASS HAT! It's YOUR FAULT! And if you truely don't owe the money then take care of it THEN! That way, you have ALL the info and proof you need. You don't ignore them for years and expect to win! You're not hurting them................you're hurting OUR credit! So just take care of it already!!!
Ughhhh...........I want to slap him!
The worst part is. He's annoyed with me right now because I called back and got the info.
Are you kidding me????? I'm FiXING IT!
I have to go to bed before I slap someone.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Weekend Recap
Friday:
I got the OK to start the Birth control pills. My perscripstions are "pending" with the insurance company. Hopefully, they will be under $1,000.
We went to dinner at Ichibans with some people Russ works with. One guy was from their corporate office and they wanted to take him out. The other couple was a couple I've met before. I don't really care much for them. They both cheat on each other on regular basis. They have 2 kids that I think they treat like crap. She told me at dinner that her son got in trouble that day for talking to the other kids about sex. The teacher said he was giving every detail of how it was done. I asked how old her son was figuring he was like 10 or so, but nope he is in FIRST GRADE! Holy crap! That's pretty young to have that much detail about sex. Something is way wrong there. She also said that he consistently trys to kiss her with an open mouth and says "come on mom, let's go have sex"
That's just freaking crazy. I told her she needs to get him some counseling and figure out why he's doing this. She claims they have no idea where he's getting this from. Maybe not, but she sure as hell needs to figure it out.
Saturday:
Woke up at 9:30 and started laundry. Then I was playing on the computer. Just relaxing like I do every Saturday morning. Russ called me at 10:30 and told me he invited two guys from corporate over for dinner. WHAT? Are you kidding me?? Nope. He wasn't kidding. So I had to hurry up and clean my house BEFORE bowling at 1:30. I was so not happy! The sad part is, he asks me EVERYTHING before doing it, but he didn't ask about this. I was so annoyed. I did not want to spend my morning cleaning, that was for tomorrow.
The other thing is when I bowl, I have some drinks. So usually I have a slight buzz when I get home. I got home at 4:45 and the guys showed up at 5pm. Ugh! I was so not in the mood.
They were very nice, but they were here until 8pm. And they all just talked about business.
It was SO freaking boring!
Sunday:
This day is not over yet. Actually, it's jsut starting. I have to go clean my moms house today. I don't feel like it. I still have to finish all of our laudnry since Russ had company yesterday.
We also got invited to our neighbors house for the Daytona 500 race. He's having a party. We said we'd be there, but I SO DO NOT FEEL like going. I just want to relax. I don't want to do anything else today. It's going to take everything I have just to get up and clean my moms.
Oh, we got our check from our 401K yesterday too. It was $2,500 less then we thought. That SUCKS! I have no idea how we're going to make it through this. Also, we have to pay our balance off at REACH ($1,558) BEFORE we start IVF. So that pretty much takes the rest of the moeny from our check. Somehow, we have to come up with money for meds, $1200 for the trial transfer/hystersongogram on 2/27. Then $800 for anesthesia the day of the retreival and $1,100 to free any extra embryos if we have any. Crap! I have no idea HOW we are coming up with that money.
Well, I need to go change the laundry over.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
I got the OK to start the Birth control pills. My perscripstions are "pending" with the insurance company. Hopefully, they will be under $1,000.
We went to dinner at Ichibans with some people Russ works with. One guy was from their corporate office and they wanted to take him out. The other couple was a couple I've met before. I don't really care much for them. They both cheat on each other on regular basis. They have 2 kids that I think they treat like crap. She told me at dinner that her son got in trouble that day for talking to the other kids about sex. The teacher said he was giving every detail of how it was done. I asked how old her son was figuring he was like 10 or so, but nope he is in FIRST GRADE! Holy crap! That's pretty young to have that much detail about sex. Something is way wrong there. She also said that he consistently trys to kiss her with an open mouth and says "come on mom, let's go have sex"
That's just freaking crazy. I told her she needs to get him some counseling and figure out why he's doing this. She claims they have no idea where he's getting this from. Maybe not, but she sure as hell needs to figure it out.
Saturday:
Woke up at 9:30 and started laundry. Then I was playing on the computer. Just relaxing like I do every Saturday morning. Russ called me at 10:30 and told me he invited two guys from corporate over for dinner. WHAT? Are you kidding me?? Nope. He wasn't kidding. So I had to hurry up and clean my house BEFORE bowling at 1:30. I was so not happy! The sad part is, he asks me EVERYTHING before doing it, but he didn't ask about this. I was so annoyed. I did not want to spend my morning cleaning, that was for tomorrow.
The other thing is when I bowl, I have some drinks. So usually I have a slight buzz when I get home. I got home at 4:45 and the guys showed up at 5pm. Ugh! I was so not in the mood.
They were very nice, but they were here until 8pm. And they all just talked about business.
It was SO freaking boring!
Sunday:
This day is not over yet. Actually, it's jsut starting. I have to go clean my moms house today. I don't feel like it. I still have to finish all of our laudnry since Russ had company yesterday.
We also got invited to our neighbors house for the Daytona 500 race. He's having a party. We said we'd be there, but I SO DO NOT FEEL like going. I just want to relax. I don't want to do anything else today. It's going to take everything I have just to get up and clean my moms.
Oh, we got our check from our 401K yesterday too. It was $2,500 less then we thought. That SUCKS! I have no idea how we're going to make it through this. Also, we have to pay our balance off at REACH ($1,558) BEFORE we start IVF. So that pretty much takes the rest of the moeny from our check. Somehow, we have to come up with money for meds, $1200 for the trial transfer/hystersongogram on 2/27. Then $800 for anesthesia the day of the retreival and $1,100 to free any extra embryos if we have any. Crap! I have no idea HOW we are coming up with that money.
Well, I need to go change the laundry over.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Appointment Update - Part 1
I went to my appointment today.
Gave about 9 vials of blood. I seriously should have eaten breakfast before I went. I was extremely light headed on the way home.
Then I had my ultrasound. (Barf!) I hate Cycle Day 3 ultra sounds. But the dr was very nice. We talked about our valentines day events. That kept my mind off the fact that I had my period AND a camera wand up my hoo haw. Anyway, I survived.
Then the nurse gave me my schedule.
If all the blood work comes back good, then this will be the start of my schedule
2/15/08 - Start Birth control
02/26/08 - Start Lupron Injections
03/04/08 - Last day of birth control
03/07/08 - Back in for an ultrasound/blood work
- Decrease Lupron
- Start stimulation drugs (if all is well)
She sent my prescriptions off to the pharmacy. Can't wait to see how much THAT will cost.
I'm figuring around $1,500. I sure as heck hope it's not more then that.
This appointment today cost me $700. YES! You read that right.........$700.
Here is the break down:
Patient Appt: $72
Ultrasoudn: $200
Blood Tests total: $428
(estrogen, fsh, lh, prgesterone, and tsh)
I also had blood taken for the infection panels (HIV, hep, etc), but hopefully insurance will cover those. If not, then I'll get billed from the hospital.
Now I'm just waiting on the OK to start the birth control pills tonight.
I'll let ya know what I hear.
Gave about 9 vials of blood. I seriously should have eaten breakfast before I went. I was extremely light headed on the way home.
Then I had my ultrasound. (Barf!) I hate Cycle Day 3 ultra sounds. But the dr was very nice. We talked about our valentines day events. That kept my mind off the fact that I had my period AND a camera wand up my hoo haw. Anyway, I survived.
Then the nurse gave me my schedule.
If all the blood work comes back good, then this will be the start of my schedule
2/15/08 - Start Birth control
02/26/08 - Start Lupron Injections
03/04/08 - Last day of birth control
03/07/08 - Back in for an ultrasound/blood work
- Decrease Lupron
- Start stimulation drugs (if all is well)
She sent my prescriptions off to the pharmacy. Can't wait to see how much THAT will cost.
I'm figuring around $1,500. I sure as heck hope it's not more then that.
This appointment today cost me $700. YES! You read that right.........$700.
Here is the break down:
Patient Appt: $72
Ultrasoudn: $200
Blood Tests total: $428
(estrogen, fsh, lh, prgesterone, and tsh)
I also had blood taken for the infection panels (HIV, hep, etc), but hopefully insurance will cover those. If not, then I'll get billed from the hospital.
Now I'm just waiting on the OK to start the birth control pills tonight.
I'll let ya know what I hear.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
She's Here..........Still Not Happy:(
Well, my period showed up last night. You'd think I'd be on top of the world since I was waiting for it. But I just got so sad. I cried for over an hour and I wasn't even sure why I was crying.
I figured it out though.
I remember when we first started trying to conceive. I was talking to a friend on the phone and saying how we'd try on our own and the most I'd do is fertility drugs but we'd NEVER do IVF or IUI. I was adiment (sp?) that we would not go that far nor spend all that money on having a baby.
Almost 3 years later, look where I'm at. Getting ready to hand $23,000 for IVF and we have to have $4600 in the bank for the meds, and tests not covered in our plan. $27,600!! Amazing how 3 years can change things.
Anyway, I guess part of me really never thought I'd be at this point. I never truely believed we'd be doing IVF. I'm scared and I'm angry.
I was really hoping that I'd miraculously be pregnant this month. That we'd save all that money and that we COULD make a baby naturally. But nope. I was crushed when my period showed.
Now, we will spend all that money. I will have to do injections that will totally screw with my hormones. I will have to go through MORE painful procedures. And there really is still no Guarantee that I will be able to get pregnant. This is my last chance for a baby.
That's so scary to me. I'm so scared my body will not let me get pregnant. I'm scared that my husband will hate the "Hormonal" me. What if we fight all the time while on these drugs. What if it doesn't work? I don't think I could handle that. I think I would die of a broken heart.
My head is spinning. I want to throw up. I'm not sure I can do this.
I figured it out though.
I remember when we first started trying to conceive. I was talking to a friend on the phone and saying how we'd try on our own and the most I'd do is fertility drugs but we'd NEVER do IVF or IUI. I was adiment (sp?) that we would not go that far nor spend all that money on having a baby.
Almost 3 years later, look where I'm at. Getting ready to hand $23,000 for IVF and we have to have $4600 in the bank for the meds, and tests not covered in our plan. $27,600!! Amazing how 3 years can change things.
Anyway, I guess part of me really never thought I'd be at this point. I never truely believed we'd be doing IVF. I'm scared and I'm angry.
I was really hoping that I'd miraculously be pregnant this month. That we'd save all that money and that we COULD make a baby naturally. But nope. I was crushed when my period showed.
Now, we will spend all that money. I will have to do injections that will totally screw with my hormones. I will have to go through MORE painful procedures. And there really is still no Guarantee that I will be able to get pregnant. This is my last chance for a baby.
That's so scary to me. I'm so scared my body will not let me get pregnant. I'm scared that my husband will hate the "Hormonal" me. What if we fight all the time while on these drugs. What if it doesn't work? I don't think I could handle that. I think I would die of a broken heart.
My head is spinning. I want to throw up. I'm not sure I can do this.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
This Sucks!
I'm so sick of waiting!
I still have not gotten my period. It sucks! When I don't want her to show up, she's early. I can't do anything with the IVF until then.
This past week has been unbearable. Hearing or seeing ANYTHING pregnancy related makes me cry. And NO, I'm not pregnant because I already took a test it was WAY negative. I thought maybe by some fucking miracle, I might be able to save $30,000 and get pregnant naturally like the rest of the world. But NOPE.
I feel like crap. I'm sick of being sad and feeling broken. I'm sick that I have to pay $30,000 to have something that most of the world gets for free! I'm sick of getting bill after bill that I OWE to the hospitals and clinics for all the fertility testing. It's not fair. I hate this. I hate life right now. I have no motivation to do anything. Nothing. I go home and do nothing. Just sit there and wait for my period. So much for my therapy eh? Maybe I need to go back. Fuck!!
Oh well. Done with this pitty party. Sorry to be such a downer.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Weekend Recap
I was going to start updating this blog every day whether I had anything to say or not. Obviously, that has not happened. Part of the reason is, I'm struggling at dealing with the whole infertility thing again. Not really that part of it, but the financial part of this IVF. Then seeing people getting pregnant for free. It's costing me $30,000+ and other people nothing! I can't even imagine. I can't believe I'm going through this.
But, I am. That's it. Nothing I can do about. It is what it is right.
Whatever, can't talk about it. Too upsetting.
Here's my weekend reacap.
But, I am. That's it. Nothing I can do about. It is what it is right.
Whatever, can't talk about it. Too upsetting.
Here's my weekend reacap.
Friday
I'd like to say I did something exciting, but I didn't. Cleaned my mom's house after work. I got home around 7:30pm. It took everything I had to stay up until 9pm so I could watch Friday Night Lights. Russ still wasn't feeling great, so he was alseep on the couch when I got home. He woke up and ate and then basically went to bed. Poor guy. I feel so bad for him. He's never been this sick in the 5 years I've known him. Anyway, that was Friday. Exciting eh?
Saturday
Woke up at 8:15am because my Husband is SO LOUD!!! He opens the door loud, closes the door loud. walks loud. It pisses me off! I am SO QUIET when he's asleep. Not him! He's freaking loud.
Anyway, I got up and started laundry, he went to work. We had bowling at 1:30. It sucked! I bowled my worst all season! What really sucks is last week, I bowled my BEST all season. How do you go from one extreme to the next. I was so upset. I almost cried. Like my eyes were actually watering. I know it sounds silly, but hey, I'm PMS'ing, I've cried over less. Anyway, after bowling, we went home, I finished laundry and was fell asleep at 8pm in my recliner! Russ woke me up at 11pm to go upstairs. I must have been serioulsy tired. Probably all that drama of bowling! Or PMS? Either way, I was knocked out!
Sunday
Woke up at 8:30. On my own this time. Russ didn't wake me up. Probably something to do with falling asleep at 8pm.
I started cleaning. Cleaned the whole house floor boards and all by 12:30pm. It was wierd since I usually don't get motivated until 12:30pm.
After I cleaned I went to Walmart (crazy thing to do on the weekend), I had to get a baby gift for my great nephew. He was born last week. I decided to make him a blanket too. I found the cutest material. I went home and started on it and actually finished it last night. It's by far my favorite blanket I've ever made. Here's a picture of it. 
Well, that's it for now.
Still waiting on AF to show so I can start this IVF stuff. It's making me crazy. I just need an appointment and I can't have that until she shows up!!
I just want to make a baby blanket for me!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Childhood Flash Back!
I opened my bottle of baby aspirin and had a major childhood flashback!
Let me explain...................
Picture it..............Rochester, NY 1978. I was an adorable 4 year old!
I remember sitting on the front steps of our little cape cod. My sister (7 years old) sat next to me.
I had a bottle of baby aspirin in my hand. Here is what I remember of the conversation
Me: Look what I found
Julie: So, it's medicine
Me: Yah, but it taste like those little candies in the clear wrapper (referring to smarties)
Julie: It's medicine, not candy. You can't eat it.
Me: Yes I can.
I then proceeded to eat the entire bottle. It was a small bottle. I don't know how many I ate. They were good though. Anyway, my lovely sister sat and LET ME eat the whole thing. THEN she went and told my mom.
So, I got rushed to the hospital, stomache pumped, IV's and such.
I still didn't understand what was going on. My mom asked why i ate them and I told her "They tasted like candy". What was she thinking, that at 4 years old I was trying to commit suicide? Of course I ate them all because they tasted good!
Anyway, today I opened the bottle of baby aspirin ( I have to take it everyday for IVF) and I got a whiff of that orangey good flavor and I wanted to EAT THEM!
Since I've already OD'd on them, I decided NOT to chew and just swallow it whole. Hate to get addicted.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Great Super Bowl!
I think last nights Super Bowl was by far the BEST Super Bowl I've seen in YEARS!!
I'm far from a Giants fan, however, I hate the Patriots even more. So I was rooting for the Giants. They so came through for me.
We had about 9 people over for the game last night. It was fun. We had major snacks. Not so good for the diet, but I guess cheating every once in awhile wouldn't kill me right?
I was going to make Chili for the game, but it was 68 degrees yesterday, so we decided to cook out on the grill! We had chicken, sausage, and brats. Yum!
Yesterday morning I went to a Batism for my Friend Sarahs twins. I LOVED her church! I don't normally go to church. Haven't been in I have NO idea how long. I've wanted to go to church so when we have children I can introduce them to it.
I was raised Cathlic, but again, have not been in probably 14 years. The church I went to yesterday was Christian. I think I'm going to go to the Cathlic Church here with my sister and see if I like it. If not, I'm seriously considering going to Sarahs church.
It's a small church and the pastor is extremely entertaining. Also, they give you a bulletin (like an itinerary) at the begining that tells you all the stuff to say in response to the pastor. It also lists all the hymns and actually gives you the page and book color. There is NO way to look like an idiot at that church. I think that's my favorite part. I didn't feel so out of place.
Russ has no preferance for churches, so I think he'd be open to trying this one.
I'm going to talk to him tonight about it.
I started walking tonight. Walked my neighborhood, it's about a mile. I got my new MP3 player today and so I started my exercise program. I'd like to lose 10lbs before I start my IVF stimulation drugs in 6 weeks. I need to be able to do it healthy though. I dont' want to mess up anything with the IVF.
Well, I've dragged on long enough.
Hope everyone is doing well!
I'm far from a Giants fan, however, I hate the Patriots even more. So I was rooting for the Giants. They so came through for me.
We had about 9 people over for the game last night. It was fun. We had major snacks. Not so good for the diet, but I guess cheating every once in awhile wouldn't kill me right?
I was going to make Chili for the game, but it was 68 degrees yesterday, so we decided to cook out on the grill! We had chicken, sausage, and brats. Yum!
Yesterday morning I went to a Batism for my Friend Sarahs twins. I LOVED her church! I don't normally go to church. Haven't been in I have NO idea how long. I've wanted to go to church so when we have children I can introduce them to it.
I was raised Cathlic, but again, have not been in probably 14 years. The church I went to yesterday was Christian. I think I'm going to go to the Cathlic Church here with my sister and see if I like it. If not, I'm seriously considering going to Sarahs church.
It's a small church and the pastor is extremely entertaining. Also, they give you a bulletin (like an itinerary) at the begining that tells you all the stuff to say in response to the pastor. It also lists all the hymns and actually gives you the page and book color. There is NO way to look like an idiot at that church. I think that's my favorite part. I didn't feel so out of place.
Russ has no preferance for churches, so I think he'd be open to trying this one.
I'm going to talk to him tonight about it.
I started walking tonight. Walked my neighborhood, it's about a mile. I got my new MP3 player today and so I started my exercise program. I'd like to lose 10lbs before I start my IVF stimulation drugs in 6 weeks. I need to be able to do it healthy though. I dont' want to mess up anything with the IVF.
Well, I've dragged on long enough.
Hope everyone is doing well!
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