It's Saturday and I'm doing laundry and getting ready to go bowling. Ahhhhh............life is getting back to normal. Tomorrow I'll clean and watch football. It feels good to not have to go anywhere or do anything special. Just life back to normal. Yay!
The part that's not back to normal (and I pray never is) is my attitude. I decided after my 2nd appointment at the Therapist that I was NOT going to wish my life away anymore. No more charting and obsessing about getting pregnant. I don't even know where the last 3 years of my life has went. I barely remember a thing about it.So, after that appointment I decided no more rushing or obsessing. Then, after the new year, I decided I was going to enjoy everyday. Truely enjoy it. I went back to work Wednesday. And Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were HELL! But I smiled the whole day. I just reminded myself that I woke up breathing today, I have a job, I have a lot of love in my life, I have a great house, etc, etc, etc. This is really NOT like me at all! But I LOVE the new me. I love feeling good. Russ and I got in a fight the other day, well he got all angry and yelling over nothing, and I simply siad, "I will not deal with you this way". I went upstairs and read my book for 3 hours. Felt great. I didn't let that ordeal ruin my night. I didn't immediately go to the fridge and grab a beer. I didn't feel the need to fight back and prove my point. I just decided that life is too short to waste precious time saying mean stuff and arguing over things that just really don't matter.
I don't know how long and if this new attitude will last, but it feels so good. I feel good. I feel light and content and happy. Ok, I'll stop going on and on about this. I'm sure some of you are thinking I'm a whack job! Maybe I am. But I don't care.
In other news, I'm so done with my old fertility clinic. The Dr left out a bit of information regarding some of our tests that I found to be important in Russ and I's decision making. It may affect anywhere from 5-10%, but it's the point that I paid $250 for a consult with this Dr who said everything was fine and we should have no problem getting pregnant on our own. However, he did not give all the info to us. I found out when I asked for a copy of our medical records. I spent all day emailing the nurse trying to get some answers. I SHOULD have been able to ask the Dr all these questions back in JUNE when he got the results, but HE decided it was of no importance to inform us. Well, he just lost $25,000, sicne I will NOT go back there for my IVF.I do have an appointment on Thursday the 10th at the new Fertility clinic. I'm excited. I'm going to inform them that due to my old Dr's screw up that I will want copies of all the notes and test results from all my appointments. I'm NOT going to be blindsided again.
Well, I have to go get in the shower and clean myself up. Hope you all have a great day!!
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2 comments:
OMG - you updated your blog! And a good post at that. Welcome back to the world of the living.
I love you and hope you keep up the positive attitude, it will have a huge impact on your daily life!
Welcome back! I don't think I've ever commented, but I've been following your story for awhile. I was beginning to worry since you hadn't posted in so long. I hope your next appointment goes well and I will be thinking of you and Russ. Maybe you're new found attitude will prove to be just what you need in order conceive:) Wow, that rhymes and I didn't even try.
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