Had my IVF consult today.
The lady just went over the whole process from start to end. Took about 1 1/2 hours. Kind of boring since I pretty much know the whole process from my friend Sarah and everyone on here that's been through it.
Anyway, I asked about when i'd hear about being accepted into the Shared Risk Program and she said I should have heard by now. So when I left I was of course FREAKING OUT!! All I could think of was what IF I don't get accepted? What if we take out all that money and we don't get accepted? My mind was racing all the way out of the hospital. When I got in the car, I pulled out my phone to call Russ and I had a message. So I checked it and it was the lady from the Shared Risk Program and she said....................................................................Congrats, you've been accpted to the program. Please call me so we can work out the details.
WOO HOO!!!
So, now I have the MONEY, I've been accepted into the program, and I have a PLAN!! Holy shit! It's really happening!!
I have to wait for my next period (approximately 2 1/2 weeks) and then I start Birth Control and Lupron shots. Then I'll get another period and then..........................................STIMULATION DRUGS!!!
So, I'm officially calling AF to hurry up and get her ass here!! Don't be late Bee-atch!!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Emotional Day
This was a very emotional day. I don’t know why. Well, I do know why, but I don’t know why it’s affected me so much. I got very teary eyed when I heard of another BFP. It’s her 2nd BFP since I’ve been TTC. I’m so happy for her. I don’t wish Infertility on anyone, so I’m glad that it’s so easy on some. However, it makes my heart ache. I immediately got a knot in my stomach and my eyes watered uncontrollably. I hate being like that. I hate feeling bitter. Especially since I’ve worked so hard at NOT being bitter. I guess I still have some work to do I suppose.
Then I had tears over the whole financial aspect. Getting the loan has not been nearly as easy to get as I thought it would be. I am struggling with the financial aspect. . Can't seem to get all the money I need in one spot. So, looks like we'll be dipping into the 401K. I don't want to, but I'm running out of options. We'd be fine if DH and I didn't screw up our credit. We're fixing it, but it's just not quite good enough yet. I hate that we have this “issue” on top of everything else. I mean, seriously, is it not bad enough that I have to PAY for a baby! Now I have to struggle to PAY for it.
Why is it so easy and natural for so many.
At 4pm, I had my meeting with my RE (reproductive endocrinologist)
The meeting went well. The Dr said we have an excellent chance of getting pregnant via IVF. He felt so strongly about it that he was completely discouraging my idea of having two embryos transferred instead of one. I told him I’d make the decision when I heard about the quality of the embryos.
The really good news is I don't have to re do ANY tests!! I was so worried about that. I do have to do the HIV, Hepatitis blood test, but that's covered, and it’s just blood work, so I can deal with that! Russ is all set too. No new tests for him. I don't need to go on Lurpon. That's good (aside of the fact that I have an $80 Lupron shot in my kitchen that I no longer need). When I get my next period, I am supposed to call on CD2 and make an appt to go in on CD3. They'll check me out, do the blood work and then I start the pill for 21 days. After 2 weeks on the pill, I'll start the daily Lupron. So far, that's all I got. I will have more info tomorrow at my IVF consultation. That's it for today.
I’ll update tomorrow after my IVF consult with the Martha!
Then I had tears over the whole financial aspect. Getting the loan has not been nearly as easy to get as I thought it would be. I am struggling with the financial aspect. . Can't seem to get all the money I need in one spot. So, looks like we'll be dipping into the 401K. I don't want to, but I'm running out of options. We'd be fine if DH and I didn't screw up our credit. We're fixing it, but it's just not quite good enough yet. I hate that we have this “issue” on top of everything else. I mean, seriously, is it not bad enough that I have to PAY for a baby! Now I have to struggle to PAY for it.
Why is it so easy and natural for so many.
At 4pm, I had my meeting with my RE (reproductive endocrinologist)
The meeting went well. The Dr said we have an excellent chance of getting pregnant via IVF. He felt so strongly about it that he was completely discouraging my idea of having two embryos transferred instead of one. I told him I’d make the decision when I heard about the quality of the embryos.
The really good news is I don't have to re do ANY tests!! I was so worried about that. I do have to do the HIV, Hepatitis blood test, but that's covered, and it’s just blood work, so I can deal with that! Russ is all set too. No new tests for him. I don't need to go on Lurpon. That's good (aside of the fact that I have an $80 Lupron shot in my kitchen that I no longer need). When I get my next period, I am supposed to call on CD2 and make an appt to go in on CD3. They'll check me out, do the blood work and then I start the pill for 21 days. After 2 weeks on the pill, I'll start the daily Lupron. So far, that's all I got. I will have more info tomorrow at my IVF consultation. That's it for today.
I’ll update tomorrow after my IVF consult with the Martha!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
New IVF Update!
Well, there was a slight change of plans in the whole IVF plan.
I got my Lupron shot on Tuesday, just in time. My sister was coming over later to give me my shot. When I checked the mail, I also got the contract for the shared risk program through NCCRM (the new place we were going to) and I didn’t like it.
Basically, all 3 IVF’s and all frozen embryo transfers had to be done in ONE YEAR. This made me nervous because I don’t like time lines. Also, there were some other issues that I won’t get into, but it made me very uncomfortable. So I talked to Russ and got some opinions from people who have been through IVF and decided NOT to go through with the IVF program at NCCRM. Although it was much cheaper, it was a bigger gamble and I just didn’t want to risk that kind of money. I did not do the Lupron shot. It’s still sitting on my counter.
So, On Wednesday, I emailed REACH (the original fertility clinic) and called the finance office.
Next week on Wednesday, I will go meet with Dr. Crain to discuss the IVF and what I will need to do to get started. On Thursday, I’ll meet with an IVF Consultant for their shared risk program. In the meantime, REACH is gathering all my information and applying for the shared risk program for me. Hopefully, I will be accepted. There is really no reason why I wouldn’t be accepted, but it’s kind of stressful to think about it.
Today, I had to start looking into the financials. We need $25,000 to get started. So, after our original plan of going through our bank didn’t seem to work out (we could probably only get about $16,000 in a Home owners line of credit. So, I emailed my mortgage broker Chet and he asked what I needed it for. I explained it to him and he said he’s pretty sure he can get me the money we need. So now it’s a waiting game.
Hopefully we’ll be able to get the money at a good interest rate. I really don’t want to be paying outrageous amounts of interest on $25,000.
I’m trying really hard not to stress about anything. I need to stay calm and just take it one day and one issue at a time.
Well, that’s it for today. I’ll keep you posted!
I got my Lupron shot on Tuesday, just in time. My sister was coming over later to give me my shot. When I checked the mail, I also got the contract for the shared risk program through NCCRM (the new place we were going to) and I didn’t like it.
Basically, all 3 IVF’s and all frozen embryo transfers had to be done in ONE YEAR. This made me nervous because I don’t like time lines. Also, there were some other issues that I won’t get into, but it made me very uncomfortable. So I talked to Russ and got some opinions from people who have been through IVF and decided NOT to go through with the IVF program at NCCRM. Although it was much cheaper, it was a bigger gamble and I just didn’t want to risk that kind of money. I did not do the Lupron shot. It’s still sitting on my counter.
So, On Wednesday, I emailed REACH (the original fertility clinic) and called the finance office.
Next week on Wednesday, I will go meet with Dr. Crain to discuss the IVF and what I will need to do to get started. On Thursday, I’ll meet with an IVF Consultant for their shared risk program. In the meantime, REACH is gathering all my information and applying for the shared risk program for me. Hopefully, I will be accepted. There is really no reason why I wouldn’t be accepted, but it’s kind of stressful to think about it.
Today, I had to start looking into the financials. We need $25,000 to get started. So, after our original plan of going through our bank didn’t seem to work out (we could probably only get about $16,000 in a Home owners line of credit. So, I emailed my mortgage broker Chet and he asked what I needed it for. I explained it to him and he said he’s pretty sure he can get me the money we need. So now it’s a waiting game.
Hopefully we’ll be able to get the money at a good interest rate. I really don’t want to be paying outrageous amounts of interest on $25,000.
I’m trying really hard not to stress about anything. I need to stay calm and just take it one day and one issue at a time.
Well, that’s it for today. I’ll keep you posted!
Friday, January 11, 2008
UPDATE on IVF Appt!
The appointment went well. Actually, we almost left because they left us waiting for so long. However, the Dr more then made up for it when he saw us. He was extremely informative and very funny!!
After going over our records and asking us some questions, he said we are perfect canidates for IVF and their Shared Risk Program. He figures the reason we havent gotten pregnant yet was because of my endo. He said even with having all my endo removed, chances are we will not conceive naturally. He said endo is very destructive and causes problems that we are not aware of. Anyway, he sounds very positive about it.
Tomorrow the financial lady will call me and we'll go over all the financial. Then we'll go to greensboro to meet with another lady who will give us the IVF education. Indcluding shot classes, etc. When AF shows up (in the next day or two) I have to go back on Lupron (ugh!!!), but just for one month. Then birth control for 2 weeks. In those 6 weeks, we'll get any lab work and testing done that is required for the IVF (i.e. Hepetitius, HIV, etc). Then before I start my injectables, I'll have to have a saline ultra sound and if all is good, let the SHOTS begin!! So, I'm thinking Mid to end of March will be our first IVF.
I'm excited to know we're getting started, but I hate the thought of the Lupron again. He said I have to do the Lupron becuase of my previous endo. I'm excited about the plan. I have an IVF PLAN!!!! I'll be MORE excited once I know exactly what tests we need and once our financials are approved.
Wish me Luck!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
She Quit!!
My assistant quit!!!
YAY! Now I don't have to fire her. She was really bad. Couldn't remember crap. Always on personal calls, always late. Always wanting time off. It was crazy. The problem was that she was a member of the Elks lodge and a friend of my parents. Well not really a friend, but they see her around a lot. So even though they said I should fire her, I felt bad. So I just put up with it. Well she's getting a divorce and needed a full time job so she quit!!!She tried to give me a notice, but I told her don't worry about it. She's only working tomorrow to help me clear some things up and then I'm on my own.I'm not hiring anyone else. I'll just do the job myself. If I stay organized and caught up, it will be a piece of cake. I may have to work a few Saturdays, but that's ok. Also, not sure if I'll ever get a vacation again.
I had my last Thereapy appointment last night. It was great. I always leave there feeling so good. She was supposed to Hypnotize (sp?) me and record it to listen too when I get stressed. However, we started talking about Russ. He's been a real bear lately and so we talked about how to deal with his moods. She gave me some really good techniques to use. According to her, I have a very imaginative mind and I can use it to my advantage. The techniques she showed me are easy and we practiced some of them. She said I could use them anytime for any problem really. I told her that I thought the program was a little wierd when she first told me about it, but I thanked her for getting me out of my funk and teaching me how to use my mind!!
My IVF consult is in TWO DAYS!!! I can't wait to have a plan. Realistically, I figure we won't actually do the IVF for a 2-3 months. By the time we do all the tests we'll have to do to be accepted into the shared risk program and then if I have to go on the pill or anything, who knows. But that's ok. I'm taking it one appt at a time. Right now I'm concentrating on Thursday and getting our time line started.Tonight Russ and I are watching Johnny Dangerously! I love that movie. I haven't seen it in years, but I love it. I thought of it the other day and ordered it off Amazon.com and I got it today so we are watching it tonight. I also ordered 4 more books. The next 4 in the J.D. Robb series. I'm waiting for them to get here. I really need them since there is NOTHING on TV. I know they shipped, so hopefully they'll be here this week. Well, I guess thats enough of an update for now.
More tomorrow!!!
Have a great night!!
YAY! Now I don't have to fire her. She was really bad. Couldn't remember crap. Always on personal calls, always late. Always wanting time off. It was crazy. The problem was that she was a member of the Elks lodge and a friend of my parents. Well not really a friend, but they see her around a lot. So even though they said I should fire her, I felt bad. So I just put up with it. Well she's getting a divorce and needed a full time job so she quit!!!She tried to give me a notice, but I told her don't worry about it. She's only working tomorrow to help me clear some things up and then I'm on my own.I'm not hiring anyone else. I'll just do the job myself. If I stay organized and caught up, it will be a piece of cake. I may have to work a few Saturdays, but that's ok. Also, not sure if I'll ever get a vacation again.
I had my last Thereapy appointment last night. It was great. I always leave there feeling so good. She was supposed to Hypnotize (sp?) me and record it to listen too when I get stressed. However, we started talking about Russ. He's been a real bear lately and so we talked about how to deal with his moods. She gave me some really good techniques to use. According to her, I have a very imaginative mind and I can use it to my advantage. The techniques she showed me are easy and we practiced some of them. She said I could use them anytime for any problem really. I told her that I thought the program was a little wierd when she first told me about it, but I thanked her for getting me out of my funk and teaching me how to use my mind!!
My IVF consult is in TWO DAYS!!! I can't wait to have a plan. Realistically, I figure we won't actually do the IVF for a 2-3 months. By the time we do all the tests we'll have to do to be accepted into the shared risk program and then if I have to go on the pill or anything, who knows. But that's ok. I'm taking it one appt at a time. Right now I'm concentrating on Thursday and getting our time line started.Tonight Russ and I are watching Johnny Dangerously! I love that movie. I haven't seen it in years, but I love it. I thought of it the other day and ordered it off Amazon.com and I got it today so we are watching it tonight. I also ordered 4 more books. The next 4 in the J.D. Robb series. I'm waiting for them to get here. I really need them since there is NOTHING on TV. I know they shipped, so hopefully they'll be here this week. Well, I guess thats enough of an update for now.
More tomorrow!!!
Have a great night!!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Wierd Dreams
Last night I had the strangest dream. Usually, I don't even remeber my dreams. The ones I do remember are ALWAYS about a tornado or a plane dropping out the sky and exploding 100ft from me (these started after 9/11).
Anyway, last night I had this very long dream and it did NOT involve a tornado or an exploding plane.It started out that we were at our new fertility clinic. We were waiting in the lobby to see the dr. The dr came out and asked if she could see me in her office. So I went in there and she did a breast exam on me and "hmmmm that's what I thought". She said you have some lumps and we'll need to do a biopsy. Well, in my dream, i wasn't freaked out about it being cancer. I told her that my mom used to get cysts all the time and I'm sure that's all it was. Well, she looked concerned and said I'll get you the test results as soon as possible. Well, then in my dream Russ and I were just waiting and waiting for the results. In my head was making myself believe that they were just cysts, but I was kind of scared of what if it wasn't. What if it was cancer.Anyway, the Dr went to some other office and forgot about us. So Russ and I drove to the other office and waited longer, then I woke up. So I have no idea if I had cancer or cysts. This was so odd. I never dream things like this.
I do think I know where it comes from tho. Ever since I've been on this Femara (which by the way is a breast cancer medicine) my boobs have been extremely sore during the 2ww and they feel really wierd. Like if I press on them, they don't feel right. They feel hard and lumpy. However, a day or two before AF shows, they go right back to normal. So I think this is where the dream came from. Freaked me out though. I don't like dreaming of stuff like that. It seemed so real.
On to other news. I got all the Christmas decorations down outside and inside. Well, alll but the snowflakes hanging from the roof. Russ will have to do those. I don't like ladders. After I got all the decorations down, I spent 4 hours cleaning my house from top to bottom. Scrubbing EVERYTHING.Feels so good to have my house back. And no Major decorating until OCTOBER!!!! Woo Hoo!!!Well, need to get ready to watch Desperate Housewives!! Have a good night!
Anyway, last night I had this very long dream and it did NOT involve a tornado or an exploding plane.It started out that we were at our new fertility clinic. We were waiting in the lobby to see the dr. The dr came out and asked if she could see me in her office. So I went in there and she did a breast exam on me and "hmmmm that's what I thought". She said you have some lumps and we'll need to do a biopsy. Well, in my dream, i wasn't freaked out about it being cancer. I told her that my mom used to get cysts all the time and I'm sure that's all it was. Well, she looked concerned and said I'll get you the test results as soon as possible. Well, then in my dream Russ and I were just waiting and waiting for the results. In my head was making myself believe that they were just cysts, but I was kind of scared of what if it wasn't. What if it was cancer.Anyway, the Dr went to some other office and forgot about us. So Russ and I drove to the other office and waited longer, then I woke up. So I have no idea if I had cancer or cysts. This was so odd. I never dream things like this.
I do think I know where it comes from tho. Ever since I've been on this Femara (which by the way is a breast cancer medicine) my boobs have been extremely sore during the 2ww and they feel really wierd. Like if I press on them, they don't feel right. They feel hard and lumpy. However, a day or two before AF shows, they go right back to normal. So I think this is where the dream came from. Freaked me out though. I don't like dreaming of stuff like that. It seemed so real.
On to other news. I got all the Christmas decorations down outside and inside. Well, alll but the snowflakes hanging from the roof. Russ will have to do those. I don't like ladders. After I got all the decorations down, I spent 4 hours cleaning my house from top to bottom. Scrubbing EVERYTHING.Feels so good to have my house back. And no Major decorating until OCTOBER!!!! Woo Hoo!!!Well, need to get ready to watch Desperate Housewives!! Have a good night!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Back to Normal...........Sort of
It's Saturday and I'm doing laundry and getting ready to go bowling. Ahhhhh............life is getting back to normal. Tomorrow I'll clean and watch football. It feels good to not have to go anywhere or do anything special. Just life back to normal. Yay!
The part that's not back to normal (and I pray never is) is my attitude. I decided after my 2nd appointment at the Therapist that I was NOT going to wish my life away anymore. No more charting and obsessing about getting pregnant. I don't even know where the last 3 years of my life has went. I barely remember a thing about it.So, after that appointment I decided no more rushing or obsessing. Then, after the new year, I decided I was going to enjoy everyday. Truely enjoy it. I went back to work Wednesday. And Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were HELL! But I smiled the whole day. I just reminded myself that I woke up breathing today, I have a job, I have a lot of love in my life, I have a great house, etc, etc, etc. This is really NOT like me at all! But I LOVE the new me. I love feeling good. Russ and I got in a fight the other day, well he got all angry and yelling over nothing, and I simply siad, "I will not deal with you this way". I went upstairs and read my book for 3 hours. Felt great. I didn't let that ordeal ruin my night. I didn't immediately go to the fridge and grab a beer. I didn't feel the need to fight back and prove my point. I just decided that life is too short to waste precious time saying mean stuff and arguing over things that just really don't matter.
I don't know how long and if this new attitude will last, but it feels so good. I feel good. I feel light and content and happy. Ok, I'll stop going on and on about this. I'm sure some of you are thinking I'm a whack job! Maybe I am. But I don't care.
In other news, I'm so done with my old fertility clinic. The Dr left out a bit of information regarding some of our tests that I found to be important in Russ and I's decision making. It may affect anywhere from 5-10%, but it's the point that I paid $250 for a consult with this Dr who said everything was fine and we should have no problem getting pregnant on our own. However, he did not give all the info to us. I found out when I asked for a copy of our medical records. I spent all day emailing the nurse trying to get some answers. I SHOULD have been able to ask the Dr all these questions back in JUNE when he got the results, but HE decided it was of no importance to inform us. Well, he just lost $25,000, sicne I will NOT go back there for my IVF.I do have an appointment on Thursday the 10th at the new Fertility clinic. I'm excited. I'm going to inform them that due to my old Dr's screw up that I will want copies of all the notes and test results from all my appointments. I'm NOT going to be blindsided again.
Well, I have to go get in the shower and clean myself up. Hope you all have a great day!!
The part that's not back to normal (and I pray never is) is my attitude. I decided after my 2nd appointment at the Therapist that I was NOT going to wish my life away anymore. No more charting and obsessing about getting pregnant. I don't even know where the last 3 years of my life has went. I barely remember a thing about it.So, after that appointment I decided no more rushing or obsessing. Then, after the new year, I decided I was going to enjoy everyday. Truely enjoy it. I went back to work Wednesday. And Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were HELL! But I smiled the whole day. I just reminded myself that I woke up breathing today, I have a job, I have a lot of love in my life, I have a great house, etc, etc, etc. This is really NOT like me at all! But I LOVE the new me. I love feeling good. Russ and I got in a fight the other day, well he got all angry and yelling over nothing, and I simply siad, "I will not deal with you this way". I went upstairs and read my book for 3 hours. Felt great. I didn't let that ordeal ruin my night. I didn't immediately go to the fridge and grab a beer. I didn't feel the need to fight back and prove my point. I just decided that life is too short to waste precious time saying mean stuff and arguing over things that just really don't matter.
I don't know how long and if this new attitude will last, but it feels so good. I feel good. I feel light and content and happy. Ok, I'll stop going on and on about this. I'm sure some of you are thinking I'm a whack job! Maybe I am. But I don't care.
In other news, I'm so done with my old fertility clinic. The Dr left out a bit of information regarding some of our tests that I found to be important in Russ and I's decision making. It may affect anywhere from 5-10%, but it's the point that I paid $250 for a consult with this Dr who said everything was fine and we should have no problem getting pregnant on our own. However, he did not give all the info to us. I found out when I asked for a copy of our medical records. I spent all day emailing the nurse trying to get some answers. I SHOULD have been able to ask the Dr all these questions back in JUNE when he got the results, but HE decided it was of no importance to inform us. Well, he just lost $25,000, sicne I will NOT go back there for my IVF.I do have an appointment on Thursday the 10th at the new Fertility clinic. I'm excited. I'm going to inform them that due to my old Dr's screw up that I will want copies of all the notes and test results from all my appointments. I'm NOT going to be blindsided again.
Well, I have to go get in the shower and clean myself up. Hope you all have a great day!!
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