. She's just very evil. VERY evil!!However, then once she shows up, I have all new fears. Like what if I go on this Letrozol and Ovidrel and I don't ever get pregnant. What if after 6 months of trying Russ won't let us do the IVF like he promised. Or worse, what if we do IVF 6 times and it doesn't work. I know it's crazy to worry about all this stuff now, but I have to be honest, I don't see myself ever getting pregnant. It makes me so sad sometimes. Then I have to be my own cheerleader and cheer myself up. Sometimes I go online and search for uplifting pregnancy stories. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes it worse. I can't talk to Russ about this because he doesn't get it. He just says "We're doing everything we are supposed to be doing. You'll get pregnant. You just need to stop being so negative". I'm not trying to be negative. I'm trying to stay somewhat realistic. What if it never happens? I hate not knowing. I hate things in life that I have no control over. It stresses me out. Ok, I need to stop talking about this now. It's kind of depressing.
So the Elks Lodge had a community garage sale the other day. I brought all the stuff I packed up when we moved that I wanted to get rid of. I made $115. Not bad for 3 hours worth of work eh? Then I went shopping for a new pair of fall boots. Well, I ended up spending all $115 PLUS the $25 I had in my wallet. However, I got..................2 pair of boots, 5 long sleeve v-neck shirts, a pair of Levis, 2 sweaters, a belt (reversable) and a pair of slippers. Nice eh? The most amazing part.........................I did NOT buy ANY pink!!! That's a first in years. I bought all browns and off whites. Fall colors. I was all excited to get to wear some stuff this week but the temps went back to the upper 80's. Damn!
Well I need to get some work done. I just hadn't posted in awhile and wanted to check in.
(Oh......Russ is going to be so mad I posted his picture on here;)
LOL!!!
4 comments:
Barb, I had that feeling all the way through our ttc journey. There's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but you should know that once you see how your body can respond to the letrozole etc, you might feel more hopeful. I did.
mwah!
I have high hopes for you too. You know our brains are connected so it is time. We must go through this together.
Oh - and finally you updated! I'm starting to update more than you these days :-)
Love Ya!
Sorry Barb! I know how you feel! It scares me to think that maybe nothing will work. Maybe it will NEVER happen! I think about that often.
But in reality I know that it will happen for us. And yeah maybe we have to wait longer than most and maybe we suffer through more than we should but think about how great its gonna be when we finally get that BFP or better yet when we bring our babies home!
I just know that their is more in store for us! There has just got to be a happy ending to this hellish nightmare that we live everyday.
I just cant see it any other way.........it WILL happen!
I'm sorry Barb.
I know how it is to have no hope. :(
But I DO have hope for you. It will happen.
I wish it was sooner for you though.
xoxoxo
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