I Dream Of Baby.....

Better Today

2008-08-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling much better today.
Not feeling as sorry for myself and as emotional.

I signed up for Lamaze Classes today. So wierd. I can't believe I'm doing these things. My classes start on Oct 21st - Nov 18th. 6-8:30pm. 2 1/2 hours is LONG!! Especially when I go to bed at 9pm. I'm going to need to take a quick nap before I go. I also scheduled my breastfeeding class for Nov 25th 6-8:30. It's all becoming so real.

DH is so wonderful. I'm sure going to enjoy the last 3 months I have with him being like this. He's been so wonderful. I know it will all change once I'm not pregnant anymore. Not that he won't be wonderful anymore, but I won't be nearly as spoiled as I am now. I feel like Alanis is going through a growth spurt this week. My tummy gets crampy every night and my skin is feeling stretched. Plus, I can feel her more often, but in different areas.

I'm trying to eat better. Now that I've had a TON of Ice Cream cake. I'm going to really really try not to gain TOO much weight in my last 3 months. I just want to gain the reccomended amount. Not 8lbs every month. So i'm really going to put an effort into eating healthier. It would be easier accept I crave sugar like there is no tomorrow. I mean even if I eat a nice healthy dinner and I'm full, I can't go to bed without something sweet to top it off. I guess if I listen to the dr and have my sweets when I crave them, but in moderation, then maybe I'll be ok.

DH and I are going camping this weekend!! I'm so freaking excited!!! My dad is closing the shop on Friday so I get a 4-Day weekend at camp!! Woo Hoo!!

Mid Thirties

2008-08-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

That's me now! 34!
Happy flipping birthday to me.

I'm extremely thankful to be pregnant this year. I love my little girl.
My husband is awsome and I'm so thankful I have him.

Other then that, my birthday was a giant dissapointment.
I felt really let down and really unloved.
But hey, it's probably just hormones right!

2nd Day in a row................

2008-08-09T18:12:00.001-07:00

that I'm blogging!!! Been awhile since I did that eh!!

Yesterday I went to the TotTrade. It's a giant consignment sale they hold once a year in an arena. I got some GREAT stuff!!! Tons of clothes in sizes ranging from 0-9 mos. Mostly I got pajamas. I also got a Pack-n-play (in mint condition) for $25. I got a Bassinet in mint condition for $35. I also got a Leapster Play Table, a changing table pad, some floor puzzle piece things (see below links), and a bumbo. Here are the links for some pictures.

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Pack-n-Play.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Pack-n-Play2.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Leapster.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Bassinet.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Bumbo.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Playmat.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/clothes.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Bibs.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/pumpkin.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/YellowOutfit.jpg

I also went to target and bought my bookcase I wanted. I put it together today and put some decor above it.
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/BookShelf.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/08090818041.jpg
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/Words.jpg

It's been a busy couple days. Tomorrow I have to go to Lens Crafters and see if they can fix Russ's glasses. Hopefully they will do it for free since they are less then a year old.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted from my busy day!

I guess it's time for an update!!

2008-08-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

I know that I'm a slacker.
I have no defense to that. Just everytime I want to do a blog entry, I want to add pictures and on blogger.com, it's a pain in the ass to add pictures.
So I decided to add picture links instead. That's much quicker.

Since the last time I posted, we've come up with a name for our little girl. Her name will be Alanis. I'd put her full name (middle and last), but posting that stuff on the web scares the crap out of me. So, I'll just say her name is Alanis.

We've got most of her room done. We need to hang some stuff up and we still need a dresser and bookshelf.

Here are some picutres of it so far.

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1205.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1206.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1207.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1213.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1245b.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1241.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1239.jpg

Here are the letters that I made to hang above her crib. We just havene't hung them yet.

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/BabyGirlCannito002.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/BabyGirlCannito004.jpg

Here is her closet.............so far.

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k193/bcannito/100_1216.jpg

She's a tad spoiled.

Today we're going to a TotTrade in Charlotte. It's a GIANT consignment sale they have twice a year at an Arena. I can't wait to get some goodies!!!!

Lets see what else....................................

I'm feeling good. My feet hurt a lot when I walk around or stand too much, but other then that, I feel great. I have a doctors appointment on Monday. I can't believe I'm starting my 6th month tomorrow. 4 more months!!!

Russ is off to Hungary again tomorrow. Blech!

Ok, I have to get some stuff done. I'll post tomorrow about my loot from the TotTrade.

Have a great day!!

Girl!!!

2008-07-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

She's beautiful!!!
She's doing so well. Measuring right on track at 18w5d. All her measurments came out perfect. Brain, kidneys, stomache, umbilical cord, etc. all look great and are working well. Her heartbeat was 155.

Here are some pics!!

She was facing the placenta and refused to turn around. So we didn't get any face pictures or 4d pictures.

Here is a picture of her back side

Here is her head and a leg and a arm

Here is her girly parts

And here she is trying to do a somersault!

Isn't she great!!! I can't wait to meet her!!

A week in the life of...................

2008-07-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Me!

Nothing exciting really.
Work has been pretty slow, so it didn't take long to get all caught up there.
We even took a half day on Friday.

Wednesday, Russ and I went out for our 3 year anniversary. We went to an italian restaurant called Pinocchios. It's really good. It's a small place, only about 12 tables and you always need reservations because it's that good! They even have homemade Cannolis!!

Thursday, we went out to dinner again. This time it was with a guy from Russ's work. We went to O'Charleys. I got a filet mignon and a loaded baked potato. The potato was great, the steak was really under done. Blech! I sent it back, but all they did was microwave it. I didn't eat it.

I've been working on my Thank you notes. It's taking a really long time. I have 41 of them to do.
Plus, I"m not sealing them all yet since tomorrow I'll hopefully be finding out weather it's a boy or girl, then I can add that to the cards as a little surprise.

Oh, I got my new pregnancy pillow on Friday
http://store.babycenter.com/product/maternity/maternity+pillows/back+%27n+belly+contoured+pillow.do?asc=false
It's huge! And it's WONDERFUL!! The last two nights, I've slept so well!!
I've only been up to pee once in the night at around 4am. I feel so good when I get up. Refreshed. I think I'll be using this pillow forever!!! Even when I'm not pregnant.
Poor Russ though, he has hardly any room on the bed anymore. He says he's fine though, so who am I to argue.

Tomorrow at 10:15am, we're going to our ultrasound to find out if we're having a boy or girl. I sure hope the baby cooperates.

Well, back to working on the Thank You notes!!

I'm Back!

2008-07-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

My trip was so great! It was relaxing and I got to see all my favorite Peeps!!!

I hated the plane ride there. It was extremely rough and shakey and I just don't care for those types of plane trips. Also, I fogot HOW tight the seating is in coach. It's been awhile since i've flown and with this belly, it really sucked!! I definately couldn't fly when I was like 7 months. I'd be way more miserable. Kayla (my niece) went with me. It was her first plane ride and I was worried that she'd hate it and not get on our flight in ATlanta, but I was so wrong! She LOVED it! Here are some pics!

My shower was great! I got lots of good stuff!! So many people came. I wasn't expecting a lot to show up, but they did and it was great to see everyone. I wish I had more time to visit with them all though. I had to divide my time between 38 people and open gifts in 3 hours. It was tough.

I hung out with Erin and her boys on Monday and Thursday. That was great too. Her boys are such snuggle buns!! I wanted to take one home. Or two.

Friday Russ and I went to lunch with Melissa and Patty!! This is the ONLY picture I have of them. I'm soooo glad I remebered my camera!

Later that night we went to dinner with my inlaws. Here is a nice pic of me and Russ.

Here are some pics from when we went to Dansville. Russ is obsessed with sunsets and getting pictures during them. So here is one of me and then I took one of him.

Our trip home was nice. We upgraded our seats to first class (only cost $49) on the flight from Rochester to Atlanta. The flight was much smoother and I had a ton of room for me and my big belly. It was so nice. Our trip from Atlanta to Charlotte would have been coach. We would have gotten home around 8pm, but they overbooked the flight and asked for volunteers to take the later flight. Well Russ and I jumped on it since we could use the free plane tickets. They gave us each a free round trip ticket and went to book us on the 11pm flight and realized it was full too. So she offered us TWO round trip tickets EACH, plus a hotel room for the night and dinner. We said OK! She then booked us on the 9am flight in FIRST CLASS!!! Thank you! The hotel was gorgeous! It was 12 stories, the rooms had big fluffybathrobes, starbucks coffee, down comforter, and a flat screen tv. NICE!

Our flight the next morning was nice and smooth and with first class, nice and roomy!!

So, that's the highlights of my trip!!!

New 18 Week Belly Pic coming tomorrow!!!

16 Week Belly Picture

2008-06-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a view from the top!

It's getting big eh?

I'm off to NY this weekend! YAY!! I finally get to see my husband on Saturday. I miss him like crazy. It's been too long. I'm also excited to see my friends and my inlaws! It's going to be a good time.

I'm so tired. I've been going non stop for two days getting ready to leave for NY. Tomorrow is just as crammed. Right now, I just want to go to bed, but I'm waiting for my parents to come over and pick up some stuff.

Nothing else much new. I'm sure I'll have lots to post when I'm in NY. I'll be seeing so many people and having a baby shower, so I'll have lots more to write about. Tonight I'm just boring.
Just wanted to update you on my GIANT belly!!

Have a great day!!

14 Week OB Appointment

2008-06-17T05:32:00.000-07:00

I had my 2nd OB appointment today!! And it was great!!! It totally cheered me up, since I was so sad.

I only gained 3lbs since my last appointment 4 weeks ago. I swear I had gained like 20. I LOOK huge!

Heard the baby's heartbeat. It was nice and strong and fast, but I forgot to ask the nurse what it was. I don't know why she doesn't just tell me automattically. I mean doesn't EVERYONE want to know what there baby's heartbeat is? Maybe not. Maybe that's why she didn't tell me.

I talked to the Dr about bug spray. He said go ahead and use it. Try and use the lowest deet one though and don't use it every day. Use it as minimally as possible.

I also asked about the sleeping on my back thing and he reasured (sp?) me that my baby will be fine if I wake up on my back. He gave me a whole talk on how that whole back sleeping thing is a theory and not proven to be fact. Then gave me reasons why. He said that knowing how paranoid pregnant women are that he doesn't blame me for still being worried so he told me to put a pillow behind back and then if I woke up on my back it would be fine because i wouldn't be flat on my back. So I feel better about that.

He felt my uterus and was surprised at how high it was. It's about an inch below my belly button. He said usually the uterus gets to the belly button at 20 weeks and since I'm only 14 he's surprised it's so high. He didn't seem concerned about it. However, he said that's probably why you thought you gained so much weight, because you do look bigger then 14 weeks. So, I'm not the fatty that I thought I was and my baby has a beautiful heartbeat. So who really cares that I now have hairy boobs!!!

Here is my latest belly picture

I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. Just remember that:D

I miss my husband terribly. I cry every night. That might mostly be from the hormones, but I do miss him. He was only home for 6 days this month. SIX! So I've been with out him 11 days and I still have 12 more days before I see him again. He sends me the sweetest emails. I have not recieved emails this sweet since we started dating and he still lived in NY. He's so excited about this pregnancy. I knew he'd be happy when I finally got pregnant, but I figured he'd be happy for me and glad I was done being depressed. But he's genuinely happy and so excited about this baby. I think it's totally changed him. I know it's completely changed our relationship. For the better. Ever since I started the IVF. I think he had an appreciation of what I went through. All the shots and dr's appointements, and exams. And now that I'm pregnant and he's heard the baby's heartbeat, I think he's just amazed. He compliments my growing belly constantly. I always used to tell him I'm just getting fat, but he said nope. And now I beleive him since going to the dr yesterday:) I'm glad he's excited. I can't wait to see what a wonderful father he's going to be.

Well, I'm making myself all sad and teary again, so let me stop.

Hope your all doing well!!!

Melissa - CALL ME!!! I need to discuss my NY trip with you.

Later Gators!!

Weekend Recap!

2008-06-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

First off, I did the Drano test.
For those of you that don't know what that is, it's supposed to tell you whether your having a boy or girl. I don't know how accurate it really is, but it seems to be right for some girls I know.
I've always thought I'm having a boy. I had a dream that I had a boy. I also just have a feeling. So if it's like motherly instinct, then I'm having a boy.
Anyway, you use Drano Crystals and first morning urine. Combine them and if it comes out:

Bluish/Green - Girl
Brownish - Boy

Here are my results

Looks like another sign that it's a boy.

Russ got home Friday from his Ohio trip. Well technically, Saturday because he didn't get home until 3:30pm. Saturday I went shopping with my mom while he slept.
Sunday we went out to Breakfast together. Then he went golfing while I cleaned. When he got home, we hung out outside together and cooked pork loin on the grill. It was so yummy!!!
It was nice just hanging out outside.

Also, on Sunday, I noticed my dog Carter had injured his tail. It looked broken. He didn't seem to be in much pain. He still played and ate and drank. Still got excited and slept just fine.
But I took him to the vet to get checked out.
She said it's too swollen to tell if it's broken. But she did some touchy tests and determined that everything was still working. The tail was moving in all directions, he just wasn't lifiting it up. She thinks he either fractured it or just sprained it really bad. She gave him some anti-inflammatory medicine. I also had her check his ears. They are always itching and bugging him. We clean them out once a week with ear solution and Q-tips, but he still has some issues.
She said he has allergies. That's what the ear issue is. She said to wash his ears 2x a week and to help with the itching give him Benedryl.
He was so good at the vet. The vet even said she's never had a dog be so well behaved. He wasn't nervous or shakey. He kissed her after she gave him his rabies shot. He let her look in his ears and touch all over his tail. When she left the room to get his medicine, he went to the door and waited for her to come back. Wierd dog!

Russ leaves for Ohio again tomorrow. Blech!

The high temp today is 101 degrees!

Traveling Husband

2008-06-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

I hate my husbands job now!
All he does is travel. Last month it was Hungary for 2 weeks. It took him a week to get back to normal once he got home. Then he told me last week that he has to go to Ohio this week Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. He'll be home Friday at midnight. Next week, he goes to Ohio AGAIN on Tuesday. He'll be there Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. He'll be home Friday and leaves Saturday for CHINA!! Yes, you read that right CHINA!!
He found out YESTERDAY that he's going to China for 2 weeks.
So again, no husband for 2 weeks. We are going to Rochester to visit family and friends on June 28th-July 5th. We were supposed to fly together. Now we have to fly seperate because he'll fly there from China! I hate flying! I especially hate flying by myself!
I fixed that problem though. My mom is driving up to Rochester for my shower so, I decided to by my niece Kayla (she's 7) a one way ticket to Rochester so she can go with me. This is good for three reasons. First off, she's been BEGGING to get on a plane for 2 years. That's all she talks about anytime we tell her we're going on Vacation. So she's pysched!! Then she will drive home with my Mom, so my mom doesn't have to drive all by herself both ways, and thirdly, I'll have someone to fly with, so maybe I won't be such a nervous wreck. I can't look nervous in front of her. I think we'll have a good time.

Pregnancy wise, all is good.
I haven't felt great this week, but I've felt pretty good.
I've been crampy off and on, but nothing bad. I'm hoping it's just growing pains. I sure feel like I'm growing.

I went to get my hair cut the other day. The lady totally screwed it up. I was annoyed, but my hair grows so fast right now, I figured no biggy. I can't believe she screwed up. She's the one who gave me the original style and she's done my last 3 trims. So I don't know what the heck she was smoking this time, but she completely messed it up.

It's 94 here today. It's supposed to be in the 90's for the next 10 days. Ugh!
I hope this summer isn't like last summer. We had 11 weeks of 90+ degree weather in a row. It was awful. This summer I'm pregnant, so I REALLY don't want it to be that hot all summer. Seems like it's already starting though. I mean it's June 4th and the next 10 days are in the 90's. Blech!

Well, that's it for today.

So Much Better!!

2008-06-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

I no longer require naps everyday!! Woo Hoo!!!
I no longer have morning sickness!! Woo Hoo!!!
Middle of the night bathroom trips have been reduced!! Woo Hoo!!!

So NOW, I'm really going to try and keep up with my blog. Since I feel so much better. It's amazing how much you can get done when you don't need a two hour nap after work everyday.

My belly is getting BIG! Unfortuneatley, it's not all baby. It's probably very little baby. It's just fattness!! Ever since my morning sickness wore off, I ate like a pig. I'm so dissapointed in myself.
I've gained 8lbs. They say you should gain 3-5lbs in the first trimester. I'm over by about 3-5lbs. And it SHOWS! It's almost embarresing. I mean people ask to see my baby belly and I show them. They get all excited like it's a great thing. But it's not. I look 5 months pregnant and I'm only 3.
Russ said to stop worrying about it. We worked hard for this and ti's no big deal. He said I can lose weight afte the baby if I want but that I need to stop stressing about while pregnant. He's right. But it's hard. I'm going to start walking again now that I have extra time. I am also going to look for some pregnancy work out videos. I want to be a cute preggo girl damn it!!!

Russ is traveling again the next two weeks. Luckily it's only to Ohio and only for 3 days a week. So it won't be bad.

We're leaving for NY at the end of the month. I can't wait!!!! I'm so excited to see my friends and my inlaws. Also, I'm getting my first baby shower. How fun is THAT going to be!!

Well, I'm off to clean my down stairs and finish up some laundry. It feels so good to be able to clean again!!!

Keep checking my blog because I'm going to start updating more!!! I promise this time!!!

Oh, I'm a big slacker!!!

2008-05-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

I am so behind on posts.
I just have not been motivated to do much of anything lately. It takes everything I have to get out of bed.
However, I think it's getting better. Woo Hoo!!

So, what's been going on with me lately.....................................

Well, Russ got home from Hungary on Saturday. We spent all day together on Sunday however, it was not much fun because he had major jet lag. He wouldn't admit that until around 9pm, but man he was MISERABLE!!! I got all dolled up on Sunday too since we were going to breakfast and stuff. So I wore my best boob shirt and some cute shorts and a pair of dress sandles with heals. I looked HOT! Did my stupid ass husband say anything??? NOPE! Not really a good idea when you have a pregnant wife and you've been out of the country for 2 weeks. See my mind just went a wandering off wondering WHY he didn't care that my boobs are bigger and hanging out of my shirt?? Did he find someone else? Did I get really fat and not notice?? Why hasn't he commented??? So halfway through breakfast I let him have it. Nicely, but made my point. He had no excuse, he just said "I knew something was bothering you". Then the rest of the day, he kept trying to feel by boobs. I was like "ummm...........too late now ass!!!!"
Anyway, I got over it. And his jet lag was gone by Tuesday, so he's getting back to normal.

I had my first OB appointment on Monday. All went well. I did not get another ultra sound, but I did get to hear the baby's heartbeat. Man that's a great sound.

I booked our plane tickets to NY for the 4th of July. We were planning on driving, but when I figured the cost of gas, food, and our hotel halfway there, it was going to cost $500. I got two plane tickets for $533, so that was an easy decision to make. I think Russ would have gone nuts if he had to stop every hour so I could pee:D

My sister brought over about 200 books to me yesterday. They are baby and toddler books. I'm so glad my sister and niece are book nerds. I'm not ever going to have buy any books. Russ is going to build a little book shelf for them:D

Well, that's it for now. I have to get some work done.

I dreamed of my baby!!

2008-05-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

I had an extremely vivid dream of my baby last night!!
I dreamed of contractions and birth and after I was holding the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen!! Yes, I dreamed I'm having a boy. Do you think that's a sign??

I also dreamed he breastfed like a champ. It's weird, in my dream I could actually feel the sensation. Not that I know what breastfeeding feels like, but in my dream, it felt real.

My morning sickness is all but gone. I hope thats ok. My sister said she had morning sickness and it ended at 9 weeks. Which is about when mine did, so I'm assuming I'm ok. I've really tried hard to not think of the negative possiblities. It's worked for the most part. Sometimes I worry but I remind myself that it's out of my control and I need to just enjoy this pregnancy and be happy.

Russ comes home in FIVE days!!! Woo Hoo!!!
I've so missed him. I'm ready for him to be home.

Mothers Day

2008-05-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

Today started out by going to Church. It was tough getting out of bed, but it was well worth it.

After church, I did a little cleaning and then I went to the Mothers Day brunch @ the Elks Lodge with my parents and sister. I was actually planning a cook out for my mom, but she wanted to to do the brunch. The brunch was really good. I normally don't care for the meals at the Elks Lodge, but this was pretty good. It was all made by volunteers. There was bacon, scrambled eggs, waffels, hash brown bake, sausage bake casserole, french toast, and all sorts of desserts and drinks.

Here would be the BAD thing that happened at brunch. I wanted a water. They had water, juice, tea, etc. They also had vodka to mix with OJ, champange for mamosas, and bloody marys. Well, the OJ, Juice, tea, etc, was lined up on the table. So I grabbed a water. I asked two people, this is plain water right. They all said yes. So I go back to the table with my water and plate full of food. After eating some food, I took a big gulp of water...............................well, it wasn't WATER. It was Vodka on the rocks. What fucking moron puts Vodka on the rocks with the water. I spit it out. However, I did swallow some. I almost threw up. I was so pissed. I have not even taken a Tylenol since finding out I was pregnant. Even though i had terrible headaches. I have not had caffeine at all. Even though I could occasionally, I chose not too. And NOW I freaking drank straight vodka because of some fucking moron. I was so upset. I know it probably won't do anything, but still. WTF???

Anyway, the rest of the bruch was really good. I had a nice time with my mom and dad and the other ladies at the lodge.

Russ sent me a potted mini rose bush with a card that said "Happy Mothers Day. I wish I was there with you. Love you and Miss you". It was so sweet. He sent me the mini roses because the other day while at walmart, I wanted one, but we had already checked out and I didn't want to stand in line again. So I thought it was pretty cool that he chose to send me that. After a couple days, I'm going to plant it outside.

My mom and sister got me Mothers Day cards too. I didn't know they made "Mother-To-Be" mothers day cards. It was kind of cool. I think next years Mothers Day is going to be fantastik.

In other news, I gained a pound. This is not bad considering what I've eaten this weekend. I need to start eating healthier. I was doing so well before the morning sickness kicked in and then my diet went to hell. Tomorrow I'm going to get back on track.

I got some really cool gifts in the mail in the last few days.

This came from my friend Sandi in KC. The hats and blanket are from when she worked at Carters and she designed them herself. She's extremely talented. Now she works at Hallmark designing cards. How cool of a job is that? Anyway, she also made the cover for this boppy.

This next gift is from another Talented friend of mine. Emily in TX. She makes these clay babies and she's really good at it. Well, she sent me this clay fetus. It's a 10 week fetus, so it's what baby looks like right about it now. I think it's so cool. I love it. I'm going to find a really nice collectors box for it. Isn't she talented? Can you see the detail? It's crazy!!!

And this one is from my mother in law and sister in law. It's a pregnancy charm bracelet. It comes with 9 charms, one for each month your pregnant. The last one is a little photo frame for a picture of you baby.

I love all my presents!!! Thank you to everyone. They are wonderful!!

Oh, I got my OB appointment finally. It's on the 19th @ 9:30. Yay!!

Well, that's it for today.

***************************************************************

MESSAGE FOR JEN:
I did not ban you from FF. I delted your account along with 2 others because I did not think you were going there. You never posted and your back on EB, so I figured you were not reading that forum anymore. So it wasn't a personal thing and if your interested in going back on there, then let me know. No one said anything about you. I did not get involved in the drama on EB for a reason, I certaintly wasn't going to let drama spill on to our site.
Just wanted you to know since you assumed the worst and refuse to read my response to your email.

Names off the List that my Hubby likes

2008-05-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

Girl Name:
Chloe
Elise
Laney
Morgan
Olivia
Peyton

Boy Names:
Avery
Brady
Conner

So as you can see, we're bound to have a boy because we are having a hard time coming up with boy names that we both like.
Oh well!!

Baby Names

2008-05-06T15:27:00.001-07:00

So, I went through an entire book of names last night.
I picked ALL the girl names and boy names that I liked.
I wrote them all down so I can email them to Russ in Hungary and he can send back the ones he'd consider and maybe add new ones.

So, here is the list:

GIRL NAMES:
Bella
Caitlin / Kaitlyn
Chloe
Ella
Elise
Izzy
Laney
Madeline
Macy
Morgan
Olivia
Sophie

BOY NAMES:
Avery
Brady
Conner
Cooper
Ian
Isaac
Logan
Nicholas
Nolan
Riley

What do you think??

Quick Update!!

2008-05-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time.

I've been so busy.

I'm barely online much anymore.

Russ and I spent a wonderful weekend together. We went to dinner and a movie. We planted flowers and just hung out!! It was so nice. Too bad he's off to hungary now:(

I did have my ultrasound today.

The baby looks great!! Measuring 8 weeks 4 days and the baby's heart rate was 169!

Here is a pic..................

It's not the greatest pic because our baby had it's back to us. So all you can see is the the back of it's head and back. Nothing too exciting.

However, I DID get to see him/her kick! That was so cool. Russ missed it:( I so wish he would have seen it.

After the ultrasound, I dropped my hubby off at the airport and he flew off to Hungary.

He'll be back on the 17th. I just can't wait until he calls me. I want to know that he made it safe and sound. He should be in around 3am.

I'll post more tomorrow night.

I'm off to bed.

Nighty Night!!!

Ugh!

2008-04-29T08:38:00.001-07:00

I can't get rid of these sinus headaches. I don't know if it's allergies or hormones. I can't take anything for them. I just go home from work and lay in my bed next to the humidiphier. That's the only thing that helps. Oh, and I suck on preggo pop drops so I don't throw up because that makes my headache worse.
I can handle the morning sickness. I asked for that. But I can't do these headaches everyday. I can't get anything done at the house. My upstairs needs to be cleaned and vacuumed and I just can't do it with a headache and nauseua.

Yesterday I called my OB office because my gynocologist does not do babies, so I needed to know who I would be seeing so I could give the info to my RE to forward my records to them.
Well I explained to the nurse about being Dr. Hall's patients and he referred to me to a fertility clinic and going through IVF and now I'm pregnant and I will be released back to there office next week if all is well. Then I asked who my Dr would be. She said they have 3 OB's and a midwife and I would see them all. My first appt. would be two hours long, but the rest would be much shorter. I asked which would be my main dr and she said ALL OF THEM. So I guess I'll have 3 Ob's and a midwife. Then she asked me "Are you sure your really pregnant?"
WTF??? What does that mean? What part of fertility clinic and IVF seeing an RE that is transferring me back to you next week makes it sound like I'm NOT pregnant. And who the fuck makes an appt with an OB if your NOT pregnant. Seriously!
So I said " Well, I've had an ultrasound, saw the baby, heard the heartbeat, and had 3 betas done. I go for my 8 week ultrasound on Monday and if all is well, I get sent back to your office".
So she said "Well, why dont you just call back then and make the appointment so you'll know for sure".
Umm................ok, thanks bitch!
Why would you EVER ask a women that? Are you really pregnant. And call back when you know for sure. ESPECIALLY a women who's coming from a Fertility clinic.
I so wish I had her name, because I would send in a complaint. I just think that was so rude.

Oh, and the crappiest news ever????
Russ is leaving for Hungry right after my ultrasound on Monday. He'll be gone for 2-3 weeks.
This sucks. Especially with how sick I am. AND I'm still on my shots which means I'll have to drive to my sisiters EVERY night to get my shot.
This just sucks. I want to cry.
I don't want him to go. I wish I had a say in it. He doesnt' want to go either, but he has no choice.

Well, that's my crappy day today. Yuck. I just want to go back to bed!

Blog Slacking!

2008-04-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

I was so good at posting every day and now I'm a big slacker.
Sorry about that.

The truth is, I"m fighting major nauseua everyday. I'm happy about it because it confirms my pregnancy, however, it keeps me from doing even the simplest things including updating my blog.

Nothing much has been going on really.
Russ has a friend in town. He comes every April and him and Russ spend 5 days golfing from sun up to sun down. I kid you not! They start at 8am and come home around 9.
They really have a good time.

I figured out what was causing the itchy welts on my butt cheeks! I thought it was the shot, however, I realized that it was definatley a skin reaction, not an under the skin reaction. So I decided to stop putting a bandaid on after the shot and guess what??? THAT WAS THE PROBLEM!!! I was having a reaction to bandaids. Weird! But hey, it's not the medicine and that was the biggest thing. I had no intention of going back to the suppositories.

My sister, niece and I are going to the mall in a little bit so I can go get some preggo pops. Maybe that will help me feel somewhat normal again and I can be better at updating my blog.

That's all for now.

Back to the Shots!!

2008-04-24T06:37:00.001-07:00

So I've decided that I'd rather have a progesterone shot in my ass every day rather then doing 2 suppositories.
Suppositories SUCK!!!
They are already eating up my insides and I've only been on them 2 days.
Plus, what a freaking mess!!! All Day! A big mess!!
Ugh.........hate them!!!
So, I called in a refill for the Progesterone in ethly olete and some new needles.
I'll start back on those tonight.
I already warned Russ. He seems ok with it. I'm sure he's a tad dissapointed, but I don't care.
I know he understands and that's all that matters.

Ultrasound Update!!

2008-04-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

6w2d Thats how far along I am.

Ignore all the rest of my preggo dates. They are based on what the internet gave me. My new EDD is 12/13/08 according to the dr. I had my U/S today. I was so incredibly nervous. I thought I was going to throw up. I'm so thankful Russ was there. The nurse asked what we were expecting to see twins or what and I said I figured one. Just my own instinct. Well, as soon as he put the wand in there you could clearly see it was only one. He immediately said, "well it's just one and oh! there is the heart beat. I can see it already" He pointed it out to us. Then he went on to point out the yolk sac and everything. He was really thourough with his descriptions and I was glad, becuase I wanted Russ to understand everything. Then we HEARD the heartbeat. It was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. It was 123. Woo Hoo!!! The Dr said I was measuring 6w2d which was right on schedule according to my transfer. He also said the heart rate was right on. When the Dr and Nurse left the room, I immediately looked at Russ and said "I'm so relieved". We went on to discuss with each other that we were both nervous about having twins. However, neither one us would dare say anything until the U/S. I would have been happy with twins too, but I just would have been a nervous wreck the whole time.

We met with the Dr after that and he asked if I wanted to continue with the progesterone shots or switch to the progesterone suppositories. Well, this was a hard one. I've heard that the suppositories can be very irritating in you woo hoo area and also, they cause spotting. On the other hand, my ass cheeks are killing me from the shots. I have huge knots in both cheeks. They are so bruised that when I roll over at night, it wakes me up. So I asked if we could try the suppositories and if they are too irritating if I can switch back to the shots. He said yes. So that's what we're going to do. At least it will give my butt a break for a bit. Oh, then I asked if I could vacuum now. He said YES!! I know it seems silly, but I have not been able to vacuum in 4 weeks and I have brand new Pink Dyson Vacuum that I have to watch Russ use. Now I can use it!!

We still can't have an sex. I'm going on like 7 weeks of no sex. Russ and I have NEVER gone that long. Not even when we lived in two different states!!! However, now that I'll be stuffing progesterone up my woo hoo, I probably won't want to have sex anyway. I'll take my sexual frustrations out on my carpets with my vacuum!!!

Here's a pic of our Bambino!!! My bambino is on the left and the yolk sac is on the right.

Next U/S is on May 5th. If all is ok then, I'll get transferred back to my OB.

Morning Sickness!

2008-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

I have it!!
I'm glad too. I was so worried the last couple days with NO symptoms and my ultrasound not being until Monday.
However, my morning sickness started yesterday and has continuted through today.
I don't actually throw up. I am nauseous on and off all day long. I gag and dry heave in the mornings after my shower. I feel like throwing up but don't actually throw up.
I love it!!!! Well, I love that it's confirmation of my pregnancy. I don't really love feeling nauseous. You know what I'm saying.

I found something besides popsicles that I can eat for dinner.
Cheese and Crackers!!
I realize this is a tad on the fatty side and maybe not totally healthy, but it DOES cover calcium with the cheese and the crackers are whole wheat (another requirement according to What to Expect When Expecting). So although it may not be the best thing I can eat for dinner. It is something and it's not all bad. I can usually get down some veggies or fruit too.

I had a dream last night that I had twin boys. They were so cute.
I wonder if that means anything???

I have lots of stuff to do this weekend, so hopefully it will fly right by and Monday morning and 9am will be here before I know it!! Then I'll know for sure.............one baby or two!!

Have a great day!!

Wow! Two Blog posts in one day!!

2008-04-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to point out that I added a Poll to the right side of my page.
Feel free to take a guess at the number of babies in my belly!!
Have fun!

YUMMY!!!!

2008-04-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

THESE ARE THE BEST THINGS EVER!!!!!
I just ate 3 of them. I have no appetite at night, but I'm so thirsty and water and milk does not cut it. However, these sweet little gems do. They are so damn tasty!!!
I forsee having a freezer full of them.

Russ just heated up one of the stuffed peppers and made last night and I almost threw up. It smells horrible. I just ate one last night. Well half of one since my evening appetite is gone. But regardless I ate half of one and it tasted great. Now the thought one makes me want to vomit.

I was really worried today because I felt like some of my symptoms were gone this morning. However, they returned around 3pm. I got extremely tired. I came home after work and napped for almost 2 hours!!
Now I'm struggling to stay up until 9:30 so I can watch 2 and a half men with Russ.

Nightime pee'ing has become quite regular now. I wake up every night at 1am to pee and then about 5:30-6:00 to pee. It's odd to me because I'm so used to sleeping straight through the night and about 3 days before my BFP, that ended. Even without the pee'ing I don't sleep well. I toss and turn. Not sure why. Maybe because I dream so much. I don't know.
I can go to the bathroom and back without opening my eyes. Thats pretty good eh??

Well, I suppose I need to get ready to watch my show so I can go to bed. Have a great night!!

Sunday

2008-04-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

I went to church today!!!
This may not seem big to any of you, but I have not went to church (other then for a wedding or baptism) since I was kid. I've always said that once I had children, I'd start going to church again because I wanted my child to make their own choice about church/religion. Not to mention, I live in the bible belt and my child will be a complete outcast if he/she doesn't belong to a church.
So, while praying for a BFP a couple weeks ago, I promised God that I would start going to church as soon as I got my BFP. So, I'm keeping my promise.
It wasn't as bad as I thought. I figured I'd go there and not know anything and stand out like a sore thumb, but I could pretty much follow along. I went with my sister too, so she helped me along. It felt pretty good to go. Even if I don't understand it all yet, I will by the time my child starts to ask questions.

I did some shopping after church and then came home and did some cleaning. I took my nap, but only slept for about 45 minutes because one of my Aunts called to congratulate me.
I'm going to try really hard to stay up and watch Desperate Housewives, but I really don't see it happening. I'm thinking I'll have to watch it tomorrow after work.

I also realized that I have no evening appetite.
I can eat breakfast, lunch, and snack, but when it comes to dinner, blech!
I crave certain food for dinner. Last night I wanted beef stroganoff, so I made it. Couldn't eat it. Well, I had a couple bites, but for some reason, I can't eat after 4pm.
Tonight I'm making stuffed peppers. They are almost ready and I feel so full, I have no urge to eat them.
I guess it's beats morning sickness right??

Ultrasound in ONE WEEK!! YAY!!!
Oye.........this week is going to drag by so slow!!!

Nothing Exciting

2008-04-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

Friday:
I struggled to get out of bed. I think because I did not have my nap on Thursday. It makes such a difference. I've been told it's going to get worse too. I feel so lazy. ugh.
So after work, I came home and took a nap before I went to the play with my mom.
We have season tickets to the little theater in Salisbury. Fridays show was "Hot Mikado" . It was like a musical. It was really good. The songs were great and the play itself was hysterical. My sister, mom, and I laughed our butts off.
The play didn't end until 9:30. By the time I got home, it was almost 10pm. I tried to stay up and check my forums and email, but it actually hurt to try and keep my eyes open, so I went to bed.
I slept until 9:30pm this morning!! I have not slept in a long time. It felt good.

Saturday:
I was supposed to go to a baptism with Russ for his boss's son. However, it was like an hour away and I had so much to do. Russ said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I jumped on the chance to back out. I felt kind of bad, but he didn't go with me to my friends baptism, so I guess we're even. Plus, I had a ton to do.
I was also supposed to go to my friend Sarahs and finish helping her set up her Quickbooks, but her son got pink eye so she told me to stay away. I got some laundry done and cleaned the kitchen.
Then I made beef stroganoff for dinner. I craved it all day and when it was done, I could barely eat it. I think because I had milk before hand. Milk really fills you up. I had no idea. I bet that's why people lose weight when they drink milk.

Nothing much with preggo symptoms today. My normal tiredness and some sharp pains in the boobs, but that's about it.
When do you think time starts flying by?? It hasn't yet. It's going by so slow. Maybe after my ultrasound when I know everything is ok time will pick up.

Well, I'm off to bed.
Sorry this was a REALLY boring entry.
Just not much excitement going on.

Beta# 3 Results

2008-04-10T17:23:00.000-07:00

2730!
Right on target.
My ultrasound is scheduled for April 21, 2008.
11 Days away!!! That is going to be torture!!

Confusing Day

2008-04-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's really hard to be so happy for me and watch others be sad.
I have so many TTC friends going through so much sadness and dissapointment.
It doesn't seem fair. I feel really bad today.

My cousins wife, who went through IVF this cycle too, just got a negative beta today. I just feel awful about it. We were supposed to be pregnant together.
When we started cycling together we talked about how cool it would be to get pregnant at the same time. The whole time I was thinking, that would be too good to be true. I figured I'd be the one not getting pregnant and she'd get preggo no problem. So when I got my BFP, I thought, YAY!! We're going to be pregnant together. I never even thought for a second it wouldn't work for her. I can't imagine how devastated her and my cousin feel.
And I just feel really bad now.
I realize I've been trying for 3 years and I've been through hell and back and I know that I desearve this, but it's bitter sweet. It's hard to celebrate and be so happy for me while others are suffering. It's just not fair.

In other depressing news...........................
Russ's company is having him lead a big project. He'll be the leader of a group of people setting up a new line. Sounds great right??? Well the new line is being set up in HUNGRY!
So, my husband (starting in May) will be in hungry every 2 weeks. So I'll have a temporary husbnad for 6 months to a year. Home 2 weeks, gone 2 weeks, home 2 weeks, gone 2 weeks, etc. That just SUCKS!!
AND! What if I'm pregnant with twins and I have to be limited in my activities? Then it's really going to suck!! I already told him that if I'm on any weight restrictions that he'll have to buy me several cases of water and bags of dog food before he leaves. Plus, what about the cat litter?? Who is going to scoop that? I can't. I'm going to have to pay my sister or someone. Not to mention, I'm going to be lonely as hell!! This sucks!
I am thankful that we moved back to Salisbury now. At least I'll be close to my friends and family.

Well, that's it for today. Nothing fun and upbeat! Really, it's Blah!

Tomorrow is my 3rd and final beta. I'm praying for another good number. Hopefully I'll be able to schedule my U/S too.

Beta #2 Results

2008-04-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

Well, my second beta came in at 1064!
This is pretty much exactly where it should have been for 72 hours.
I feel so much better now.
I was worried yesterday.

I didn't have any crazy dreams last night. However, that could be because I barely slept since I was afraid to dream.
Today my back was killing me and I had cramps all day. I'm not sure if it was from sitting all day or what. I really don't sit well in my office chair. I slouch.

I've been losing about 1/2 pound a day since I got my BFP. I don't know why. I'm eating plenty. My sister said she lost weight for her whole 1st tri. It's weird. I'd think I'd gain with all this bloat I have going on.

I have one more beta on Thursday and if all is well they will schedule my Ultra sound. Probably it will be next week. I think I'll be six weeks then. Then I can put everyones mind to rest since your all wondering whether it's one or two babies in there.
I'm 99% sure it's only one, but I'll take either. If I have one I'm happy and if I have Two I'm happy.

I got another 20 day supply of progesterone shots today. Oh yay!!
I actually have lumps in my ass from these shots. Like little marbles. Ugh!! It doesnt' hurt as much as it used too, but still.

Well, that's it for now.
Later!!

Ugh!! Stupid Dreams!!

2008-04-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that during my first ultrasound they found out I was pregnant with 6 babies. AND................they were connected at the head in groups of 3.
Then the Dr went on to tell me that I'd never be able have my own childrend because I had this disorder that would make this always happen. So I slid the table and cried hysterically.
Ugh............it was awful.
What kind of freaking dream is that? Is this what I have to look forward too when I go to bed.
I don't even want to fall asleep.

The other night I dreamed I had a miscarriage.

I've been nervous all day about that too. I'm completely freaked out about tomorrows beta. What if it doesn't double? In all acutality, it should more then double.
I'm so scared it will be lower. I have not had any spotting or anything, but my symptoms are not getting worse. My boobs are not any more sore. My super nose is pretty much gone. I brushed my teeth without gagging this mornig. I've still had cramping on an off.
I don't know why I'm freaking out. I just need to get tomorrows results.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE OVER 900!!!

LOVE my Husband!!

2008-04-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

I know I complain about him some times when he's so insensitive, but today............he was freaking awsome!!!

I have not been able to vacuum or do any major cleaning since my retreival per the dr, so my house has just been collecting dirt and dust for 2 weeks. BARF!!
Now for those of you who know me............this makes me NUTS!! Especially since we have 2 dogs and two cats.
Anyway, I went to my friends house to help her set up her home business on Quickbooks, when I got home.............................Russ had cleaned my whole downstairs!! Kitchen, Living Room, Dining Room, Den, and bathroom. And when I say cleaned.................I mean CLEANED!! He took all the cushins off couch and vacuumed them. He dusted and scrubbed everything. I was so impressed. This is the first time he's cleaned that I haven't felt the need to go behind him and re clean some stuff. He did great!! And I REALLY appreciate it because I HATE having a dirty house.

After he cleaned, he went to Lowes and Walmart to get some stuff and when he got home he had bought me a card. It was a congrats on pregnancy card and he wrote some really sweet stuff in it. I cried. Don't know if that was hormones or if it was just really that sweet!! I think it was just really that sweet.
He's been so wonderful ever since the transfer and now that I'm pregnant, it just continues.
Plus, I think I can actually see HIM glowing.

Beta Results are in...........

2008-04-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

409

The "Norm" for 4 weeks is 15-476, so I'm good.
Now the long wait to Mondays beta to see if they double.

****************************************************

Also wanted to thank everyone for their comments on my last post.
I had NO idea so many people read my blog.
Looks like I have a bunch of new blogs to read:)

4 Weeks 3 Days Pregnant

2008-04-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

I know your all waiting for the DH story, so here it is!! I went to the Dollar Store and got some Balloons. They didnt' have plain solid colors so I couldnt' do pink and blue. I did some mylar balloons. A congrats one, a couple smilies, and couple different colored hearts. I also bought him a bottle of wine and a bib that said "I Love My Daddy". I put the pics of our embryos in a frame. Tooka Digi test and put that along with the other two test I took on the counter. I also put my new book "What to Expect when Expecting" and a baby name book on the counter for him to see as soon as he walked in. Here is what it looked like:

I called him to ask what time he was coming home because sometimes he works until 7pm. I had to go watch my neice and I wanted to be there when he saw it. So he said he was leaving around 5pm. I told him to hurry because I "Bought" him a surprise. Around 4:30, I went to check the display I made and the "Pregnant" had dissapeared off the digi. I went and read the directions and it said it only stays on there for an HOUR! I so should have read the directions BEFORE I POAS. So I called Russ back and told him to call me when he was in the car on his way home so I could get his "surprise" ready. Since I'd have to pee on the other digi and I didn't want it to dissapear. Well, I heard the garage open around 6:15. I was so excited I met him at the door and said "Are you ready for your surprise?" So he came in saw it, looked at me, looked back at the stuff, went closer and said "Are you?" I said "YUP"!! and he was like "Really? This is for real?" I said "Yup! We are Really Pregnant. It took 3 years honey, but we finally did it". He started shakeing and crying and hugging me. Then I cried. Especially since my husband does NOT cry. He doesnt' cry when he's sad, or at funerals or at Extreme Makeover home edition. I don't think he's cried since he was a kid. Then he just kept hugging me. He asked who knew and I said Pretty much everyone in the world beside my parents and your family. I wanted to save someone for you to tell I asked if he was mad that I didn't call him and explained why and he said NO! I loved my surprise. Then he told me he just figured I bought something for his new truck. Like that was going to happen!! Then he called his sister and his mom and dad. He was so excited. Couldn't stop smiling!!! His mom was so excited she said "Oh, I can't wait to tell work i'll need a few weeks off in November or December!!" It was so nice to give them GOOD NEWS about this TTC thing.

Also, my friend Sara gave me a bunch of stuff yesterday:

One of the best things in there is her Doppler!! Obviously I'll have to give that one back but I'm so excited I don't have to buy one. And it's a good one too!!

Then my old assistant Shellie sent me this nice little plant and balloons.

I was awoken by terrible cramps last night. I was so scared. I went to the bathroom and luckily no blood. I had the cramps for maybe 5-10 minutes and they went way and I fell back asleep. I was so scared though that I ended up dreaming I had a miscarriage. Ugh....that sucked!! I woke up today and POAS again. Just to make sure yesterday was not a dream. I took a pic of me with it for those that reaquested it.

I realized too that once you POAS and get a positive, THAT is when all your symptoms REALLY start. This morning I was gagging the whole time I brushed my teeth. I had to brush my teeth over the toilet because I thought for sure I was going to vomit. Oh, and I was starving while in the shower. I had to go eat a nutri grain bar before I could even get dressed. That's very different since usually I don't eat until 10am. Then this morning I went and did my beta. Now I just await the results. I hope I get a high number. Especially after the cramps. It's going to be a long weekend waiting for my second set of results. Stressful, but I'll just remain positive.

In news that is NOT about me.........My Friend Erin had her babies!!!
She was only 31 weeks. The boys (Maddox & Marcus) were born about 4lbs each.
They have feeding tubes and oxygen and stuff, but they are doing great!!!
Erin sounds good too. I still can not get over that she's a mom!!
Life is so crazy sometimes!!

Congrats Erin and Steve!!!!
Love you guys!

Priceless!

2008-04-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

Shared Risk Program: $23,000.00

Pre Testing for IVF: $3,730.00

Medicine: $1,669.70

Finally being able to post this picture................PRICELESS!!!

I really had no intention of POAS (Peeing on a stick) today. But my friend Erin went to the hospital last night. She's 31 weeks pregnant with twins and her water broke last night.

I talked to her a couple times. When I hung up with her at 10:00pm she said "Barb, Do me a favor. POAS tomorrow so you can get your BFP on the same day my boys are born".

Well, how do you say no to that!!

Then I had a dream while I slept. I dreamt that I got a BFP on those exact sames tests that I had in my drawer.

So I got up this morning. Convinced I was NOT pregnant because my boobs are not really sore anymore, but I knew I had to POAS for Erin and just so I can stop wondering.

I actually peed in a cup because I really suck at actually hitting the stick while trying to pee directly on it. So I pee'd in the cup, dipped the test in, set it on the counter and went down stairs to let the dogs out. Came right back up saying to myself "this is going to be negative, be prepared". Well, I was so wrong!! It was positive. And not just a little. I didn't even have to squint. I mean it was REALLY positive!!

I just started shaking and crying and saying OMG OMG OMG, while I walked in circles in my bathroom. I kept looking at it in disbelief. Then I pulled out a Dollar Store test and did that one and that was positive too, so I knew the first one wasn't a fluke.

I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

3 Freaking years of hell and this moment was worth every minute of it!!!

I'm just so confused

2008-04-01T13:50:00.001-07:00

I don't know what to feel.
Part of me "thinks" I'm pregnant right now.
The other part of me is saying "your mind and body are playing tricks on you. You're not pregnant. Stop thinking your pregnant or your going to be absolutely devastated on Friday".
I don't know which part to listen to.
I WANT to be positive. I've worked so hard on being more positive about life. But I'm so scared that I'll be positive and then the let down will be worse. Like if I just think that I'm NOT pregnant, maybe it won't hurt so bad if I get a negative test.

My symptoms so far:
Mild cramping on and off all day since 3 days post tranfer
Sore boobs started a few days ago and get more sore every day.
Sore Itchy Nips
A very small spotting incident
Increase in acne on chest (gross I know)
Some muscle pull pains in my uterus area

So nothing too much. And other then the spotting, everything else can be explained away by the progesterone shots.

Well, that's it. I need to find something to do to keep my mind busy.

Going Crazy!!!

2008-03-31T07:19:00.001-07:00

Time is standing still!
I can't believe it's only Monday.
It's torture not knowing.

Family Time

2008-03-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to the ER Ball (Exalted Ruler ) at the Elks lodge.

I had nothing to wear, so I went to the mall after work hopeing to find something cheap but nice. I don't dress up that often, so I didn't want to spend a ton of money. Well, I found a GREAT dress marked down from $70 to $19.99. The reason it was marked down was because it was supposed to have an ugly broach on it and it was missing. there was a little string haning in it's spot. I tried it on and like it. So I bought and cut off the little string. You could not even tell that the broach was missing. It was a hideous broach anyway.

Russ didn't go with me because his dad was in town and they wanted to hang at the house. I totally understood that. When I came downstairs all dolled up though.........he almost changed his mind. His eyes bugged out of his head and seed "Wow Honey, you look pretty hot!!" Then he made me kiss him good bye twice so he could look at my boobs when I bent over! LOL!!

My dad called me on the way and asked me to pick up a gallon of milk and a 12pack of coke for the lodge. So here I am walking through Harris Teeter in heals and sex dress buying coke and milk. One of the girls that worked there said "Wow! You look really nice". I took that as a HUGE compliment since she was all of like 19 and girls that age don't usually compliment us OLD chics!!

I also got numerous compliments from the old men at the lodge;)

Seems like I'm bragging all about myself hunh? Well I AM!!! I don't ever get that many compliments. I felt damn good last night!! I was a hotty!!!

Want to see some pictures??? Ok!! There is only one of me. My mom has more, but she's going on a cruise, so I won't have them for another week.

This is my sister Julie and her new boyfriend James.

Me and my sister!

Here is my whole family!!!

Me, Dad, Mom, and Sister.

We clean up pretty well!!

What do you think of my $20 dress???

I didn't get home until 11pm!! I was whooped!!! I am usually in bed by 9:30.

*******************************************************************

In other news....................I had another dream last night. NOT a sex dream though.

My dream started at my house. I had people over, like a little party. Not sure what for, I just know there were about 6-8 people at my house.

Anyway, I went to the bathroom and for some reason I looked at my belly and I saw a really dark blue vein on my stomache, so I was looking at it in the mirror and all of suddend it turned into a dot of bright light so I was starring at this light circle and all of sudden it got big and then I could see inside my uterus and I saw a bean! I saw my little baby bean!!! Then once I saw it, I got this RUSH of tingles throughout that area. From like one side to the other. Quick, tingles just rushed through my uterus. It felt so good. Then I knew I was pregnant. I sat on the floor and cried. Then I went back out to party. I didn't tell anyone about what happened because I didn't want them to think I was crazy and I didn't want to jinx it. But in my dream, I knew I was pregnant with one baby! I felt it. It felt amazing!!

I get butterflys in my stomache now when I think about it.

****************************************************************************

Russ and his Dad and Mario (his dad's friend that is visititg with him) are going to the Richard Childress Musesum today. I will not be going. I'll leave them to have a boys day. I don't know what I'll do since I'm limited still in what I can do. I really can't clean. Maybe I'll go shopping!

Later!!

Bed Rest Sucks!

2008-03-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

Bed Rest was boring!!!!
TV today really sucks during the day. I'm kind of glad I work!

Nothing much to report on the EPS. To be honest, I wouldn't know anyways. The day of my ET, I was nauseuas almost to the point of throwing up. However, I had no embies in me at that point. My nips have been Extremely sore and my boobs had many blue lines in them ever since I started my stims. And now I'm on the progesterone which causes all sorts of signs. So i'm never going to really know if it's an EPS or a progesterone symptom. I had some Cramping on wednesday and thursday. Nothing much or different then any other cycle though. I was a little dizzy this morning, but I've been on the couch for 3 days, so that's to be expected.

Here is something interesting................ I was told NO SEX and NO ORGASMS until after my beta. Well, I had a Sex DREAM with a very powerful Orgasm last night. Probably not good since I'm not supposed to do that, but how the hell do you control dreams and sleep?? Hope I didn't ruin anything going on in there. I mean it was good, but not THAT good. I'll be better at updating my journal for you girls!! Sorry to keep you hanging!!

So glad to be OFF the couch and back to work. However, I walked in an my dad said we were only working unitl noon.
However that's ok because I have to go find a dress for tonight. It's the ER Ball (Exalted Ruler Ball for the Elks lodge). My Dad is the ER. He's been it for 2 years and now he's all done. So this is a party to celebrate him being done I guess. Anyway, it's kind of fancy. Hence the word "Ball".
So I have to go find something to wear.
Then I'll go do some last minute touch ups at the house before my Father-In-Law gets in.

Well, that's it for now.

Bed Rest Day #2

2008-03-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing much exciting most of the day.

My sister brought me breakfast and lunch. And ate with me. That was nice.

I've only gotten off the couch to pee and I usually grab a drink then too.

I watched the entire 10th season of Friends on DVD.

Things got more exciting at around 5pm.

Russ has been wanting a new truck. Normally, I would be pissed and throw a fit because he PROMISED he would keep his current truck until it was paid off. The reason is, the last 3 vehicles he's had, he's been upside down on with the trade. So our agreement when he bought his last truck was as per above.

However, a lot has changed since then. He's making $35,000 MORE a year now then he was when we made that agreement. He works extremley hard long hours. He agreed to move to Salisbury so I'd be closer to work, and now he drives 19 miles one way to work. So ya know what, he really does deserve a new truck if he wants one. Also, he's buying a Brand New truck. He's buying a used truck. A BIGGER truck that will fit a carseat (or two). And it's manly! Way more manly then his current truck.

Anyway, I told him to get it if he wanted it. I figured he'd need a co-signer (me!) since his credit is still not great. So he brought the paperwork here (him and the sales guy) so I could sign everything since I could not go out. Anyway, I'm the PRIMARY! I mean it doesn't really matter. It's his money that I use when I write the check.

Also, I had a brilliant idea.

I called him well he was negotiating and said, "Honey, if you get this truck and they pay off your truck by next friday (when the payment is due) and your new payment isnt' due for a month, can I buy my Dyson vaccuum cleaner I've always wanted with the money?" He laughed and said "Of couse. Like I could say no to that. I'm getting a new truck and your getting something to keep our house clean".

So.......................I got me a Dyson!! Not just ANY Dyson either................a PINK Dyson. PINK!!!!!

Isn't it so pretty!! OMG! I'm going to vaccuum EVERY DAY!!!

Oh and since it was cheaper then the car payment we get to skip, I got some accessories.......See Below..........

The purple one is a duster that hooks right up to the cleaner and this other head attachement is so you can get under couches and beds. OMG! I can't wait to get it!!! I'm so excited!!!

Ok, That's it for now. Need to get my Shot ready.

Later!!

Transfer Update (3/25)

2008-03-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

March 24th Transfer was cancelled.

Rescheduled for March 25th.

They decided on a cycle day 6 transfer because I so many good embryos and if they could grow them out one more day, they could get all the information they needed to pick the best of the best Embryos.

March 25th: Woke up @ 8am.

Took my shower.

Did my Progesterone Suppository (barf!) and then we headed out.The ride to Charlotte was much nicer this time since everyone was at work already. Traffic was HALF of what it normally is. I wanted to listen to music on the way, but DH was on the phone with his damn boss the whole ride. I was so annoyed. At 9:30, we were halfway there and I had to take my Valium and start drinking my water (needed a full bladder). I've never taken Valium before and had no idea what to expect. Well, 10 minutes later I was like............hmmmm, this stuff is cool!!! I can't explain it, I was just floaty and happy. I couldn't walk all that well because it was like I was floating. When we got into the Clinic, I sat and told Russ he had to check us in because I was too high! I had to go up and get some bloodwork. The nurses up there found it funny that I was so "happy" and floaty!! The one nurse said "that stuff kicks in pretty quick on an empty stomache eh?" I was like YUP!! I like it!! Well, we went back down and I got undressed. All but my LUCKY SHIRT. Its a shirt I made my Friend a couple years ago for HER transfer and it had a + pregnancy test on it and said "THINK POSITIVE". Well, she saved it and gave it to me on last week so I could wear it to my transfer. I figure it was lucky siince she has two beautiful boys from her transfer.

Anyway, on with my story. I was feeling good. Went back into the OR room and the Embryologest cofirmed I was who I was and that he had the right babies for the transfer. Then Dr Crain came in and chatted. Then they started. There was a big moniter on the wall so I could watch. The nurse pointed out where I should look. She said watch this area and you'll see a white line come in. That's the cathedar. The white dot under the cathedar is where your embryos will be going. Here is a pic so you can all see what I"m talking about

Can you see the white line??

After the transfer was done, they gave me pictures of my kids.

Aren't they adorable!!! I think they look like me!!

Then I had to go back to my room and lay down for 1/2 hour. Then we left.

I was starving, so we stopped at McDonalds and I chowed. Just what I need when I'm going to be laying in bed for 2-3 days. Add an 1" or 2 to each thigh I guess!

Now I'm home relaxing. I have the perfect set up here. I have my laptop table so I can be online all day. I have my tray table for my drinks, phone, etc. Then I have a basket full of goodies next to me including..............books, movies, snacks, a laser pointer so I can play with the cats for entertainment, lollipops, camera, and scissors to cut the fringe on my blankets. I'm all set!!

Well, That's all for today. I dont know if anything exciting can happen on bed rest, but I'll keep you posted. It will probably be some movie reviews:D

Please pray that my cute little babies stick!!

PLEASE STICK BABIES. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!

DELAYED!!

2008-03-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I was supposed to have my transfer today at 12:00pm.
However, I got a call @ 9:40 cancelling the transfer. Actually, she left a message @ 9:40, unfortuneatley, I did not check it until we were almost at Reach at 10:45am. So, that kind of sucked!!
Plus, I had to do a progesterone suppository (rectally) this morning when I got up and now I have to do ANOTHER one tomorrow. Barf!!
On a good note, I've finally become Un Constipated! That's is awful!! I don't think I've ever been constipated before and I really don't care to ever be it again!

The reason for the delay was they wanted to let the embryos grow one more day. Here is the email I got from her:

Hey Barb,

I left you a message on your cell phone, they want to take your embryos out one more day and do the transfer tomorrow. This is a good thing, not to worry. Basically, you have enough to do that and it just continues to give them information about which embryos are the best ones. I'll let you know later your time, it will probably be about the same time, around lunch time.

Yeah!

Thanks,
Stephanie

So, I guess its a good thing. I just wish I knew earlier!! Like 8am would have been much better.

Ok, so well I was typing this, I got THIS email

Barb,

They did it to me again!

They have switched your transfer to 10:30 from 12:30. I really hope this doesn't pose a huge problem. And I am so sorry. But you can see how much say so I have in the matter. You'll need to be there at 10:00 instead of 12:00. Take your Valium at 9:30 am. I promise...it will not be moved again. Confirm with me that you got this email.

Thanks,
Steph

So tomorrow at 10:30, I will go pick up my kids!!!!

That's all for now!!

Update!

2008-03-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

I heard from the nurse on Saturday.
She said I have 10-13 embryos and I'll be doing a 5 day transfer.
So, Monday @ 7:30am, my babies will be tranferred. Oh I hope they stick.
Although this whole process (aside of the money) was not bad, I really don't want to go through it again.

I thought for sure I was having that OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrom), but I made sure to to drink 10-12 drinks a day including 4-5 Gatorade. I stayed off my feet for the most part and too my meds. I THINK I'm in the clear.

My moms brothers and sisters are in town this weekend. I haven't seen them in a long time. I was happy to see all but one!!! My Aunt Susan is beyond annoying. She's a bitch! She completely takes over my moms house and messes it. Never helps clean it. Then, her daughter (who is mentally retarded) got pregnant 3 years ago. My Aunt wanted her kid, so she manipulated Teresa into letter her adopt her. So here she is 60 years old with a 3 year old. She expected us all to watch her. Also, she's one of those people that constantly says "At MY house" , " MY kids", MY church", "When I cook", ect. She's just a pain in the padded ass!!!
I went there yesterday around 5. Mind you I was at home not feeling well all day. All my other relatives asked when I got there "How are you feeling?" and they also asked all about the IVF. They are all excited for me. Not my Aunt Susan. All she talked about was her kids. "Oh John had his 2nd son today" and "oh look at this precious picture of Davids little girl". SHUT UP BITCH!!! It wouln't be so bad if she ever asked about me or how I was, but she didn't. I mean my 92 year old Great Aunt asked me as soon as she got to my moms house!!!!
Then when Stupid Susan was sitting on her ass, she said "Barbie, go aside on the deck and see if it's getting cold enough where I need to put Mia in warmer clothes" Mia is her grandaughter/daughter. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I went outside because my mom was there cooking on the grill. I said to my mom....................."I love you so much that I'm not going to tell off your sister" Then I told her what she said and she just rolled her eyes.
It's not like she's annoying just me. My mom and dad are ready to kill her too.
She's like the worlds worst house guest EVER!!!

Today we are going to Easter Brunch with everyone. I was looking forward to it, but now I'm not so sure. Not because of my aunt, because all this medicine is "Stopping me up". I've been stopped up for many days now. Metimucil is NOT working and I'm not sure that I can put anything else in me before something comes OUT!! KWIM??

Well, now that I've told you my embarressing butt issue. I'm going to sign off now!!

20 Embryos!!!

2008-03-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

That's how many embryos we got. HOLY CRAP! That is a lot!!!
According to the nurse they did ICSI on 10 eggs. Out of those 10 eggs, 6 became embryos.
Then they did natural for the other 33 eggs and 14 of those took. So a total of 20 embryos.
I have 20 babies at that moment!!
Now I'm not sure how many will make it to day 5, but with so many, I have really good chances for 2 great ones to transfer and have a few left over to freeze.

The nurse who called me expressed their concern again about Hyperstimulation. She told me to make sure that I got 10-12 glasses of water and/or Gatorade. At least 5 gatorade. However, she said not to OVER drink either. So I had to ask what she considered a glass 8oz or 10oz? She said 8oz. So basically, I need like 96oz's of water/Gatorade. I'm working on it now and I can't stop peeing!! She also said I need to wiegh myself every morning and measure my belly. If I gain 2lbs and or gain 2" 's , then I need to call them ASAP. I'm praying this does not happen because if it does, I won't be able to do the transfer on Monday. That would make me really sad.
Please keep your fingers crossed that I do not Hyperstimulate.

Russ left town today. Unexeptantly for work today. He is going to be gone until Saturday. Then he's leaving again Monday after my transfer and won't be back until Friday!! Luckily, my Sister is going to come stay with me Monday and Tuesday so I won't be totally alone while on bed rest.
It just sucks! But I can't complain since they gave him all that dang money. Obviously they are making him earn it.

So tonight I'll be all by myself with my dogs and cats, drinking 96oz of water and pee'ing every 15 minutes. Fun eh???

Alright, that's it for now. The next report will probably be on Saturday.
Don't forget to keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

Egg Retreival Day (3/19)

2008-03-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

My Retreival was today. Got up at 6am and showered. It only took me 20 minutes to get ready because I could not where any make up, lotion, or jewelry. So getting ready was quick. We had to go to the pharmacy before my appt. to pick up some medicine I need for Monday. It was only a mile away from the clinic. We got there at 8:30am. They were supposed to be open at 8:30, but they didn' topen until 8:40 which ticked me off. Actually, everything in the morning ticked me off because I was not allowed to have anything to drink, so NO COFFEE. I was so cranky to Russ! Poor guy. Anyway, we got the meds and then headed to the clinic.

I filled out some paperwork and they called us right in. The nurses were really nice. I think one of them was pretty new though. She's the one that did my IV and she was really bad. It hurt so bad that I almost cried. She did it really slow, I think that was the problem. Then she didnt get the tube hooked up quick enough, so my blood was EVERYWHERE!!! All over my hand, my gown, the sheets on the bed, the floor. Ugh..........it was pretty bad. The other nurse however was really good. They took my blood preassure. It was 110/68. That is actually pretty high for me, so I knew I was nervous. Russ hung out for a bit with me then they came and got him for his "Sample". The anesthesiologist (sp?) came and talked to me. He was extremely nice. I heard him talking to the dr outside my curtain and he's been with them doing these for 14 years. Ever since my clinic was there. So that made me feel really good too. After that , the dr came in and chatted with me. He wasn't my dr, but he was the one doing the retreival and he was really nice.

At 10am, the Anetsthesia guy came in and got me. He walked me to the OR. I layed on the table and like 3 nurses were moving my legs and putting blankets on me and all sorts. The Aneth. guy was chatting with me. Asked me where I was from etc. Then I knew that he put the sleepy stuff in my IV because my hand started to ache. He asked if I was getting tired. I wasn't really and that kind of freaked me out. i thought maybe it wasn't working. Anyway, then I remember the Dr coming in. He said this is just the speculum and it was really warm. I've never ever had a heated speculum before. That was cool. That ws the last thing I remember.

Next thing I know I woke up in my little room. The nurse asked if I was in any pain. I wasnt really. I was a little sore, but nothing compared to what I expected. They went and got Russ and he came in. I was supposed to be in recovery for 45 minutes, but I ended up there for 1 1/2 hours because I had 43 eggs and my dr was worried about hyperstimulation. I had to do an extra bottle of meds through the IV and then wait for another big bag of stuff to be empty.

They took my blood preassure about 10 more times. The highest it was after the retreival was 85/52. That's more the normal for me. I was so thirsty. I was drinking water, but it wasn't helping. I had the worst cotton mouth ever. All I wanted was an ICEE. I told Russ when we left we needed to find a burger king so I could get a burger and an ICEE. I took a couple Tylenol at the hospital and was feeling pretty good until I walked to the car and sat. Then it hurt a bit more. Not cramping. Just sore lik I pulled all my muscles down there.

We got to BK and I got my burger and drink. I drank and drank. Then I went to eat my burger. It was yummy until I went to swallow it. My mouth was still so dry that I could not swallow my burger. I had to wash it down with my Icee.

We stopped at the pharmacy and dropped my presecription the dr gave me to reduce my chances of hyperstimulation. I got home and then had to return a bunch of phone calls. I've tried to get some sleep, but I can't. I'm exhausted,but just cant sleep. My throat is terribly dry. I had Russ pick me up some throat losengers. Russ has been takeing very good care of me. He's never been this accomidating before. I think seeing them put that IV in and bleeding all over the place really made him feel bad. I took my anti-biotic and my new drug today when I got home. Tonight I have to take more antibiotic and 2 prednisone plus my vitamins. Friday I start my progesterone in oil shots. OUCH!! Ah, who am I kidding. Compared to that IV today, no shot could ever hurt!! I think I covered it all for today. It was pretty exciting. Now I can relax and wait for my fertilitzation report!

HOLY COW!!!

2008-03-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

My Egg Retreival is Wednesday!!!!
Wasn't expecting it to be Wednesday at all! Maybe Thursday, but def NOT wednesday.

I went to my Dr's appointment and had my Ultrasound and blood work.
I had 14 measurable follicles on my right overy and 18 measurable on my left.
Dr Wang, (not my dr) thought I might need one more day of meds and another ultrasound. He also said my retrieval would probably be Thursday.
He said he'd know more after my bloodwork and talking to Dr Crain.

Well, my nurse emailed me saying I needed to so Ovidrel shot tonight at 8pm and come in for my retreival on WEDNESDAY at 1oam.
Well, her emails were much more lengthy with many other directions including picking up 4 prescriptions, but basically I'm doing the retreival on Wednesday and the transfer of the Embryos on Easter Sunday.
Lets hope my "Basket" gets some good EGGS!!!

On to other news..................
I went to Walgreens to get my meds and the pharmacist warned me that the antibiotic will have an adverse affect on my birth control (that I picked up last month) and I should consider using another form of birth control. LMAO!!
Very ironic. I mean serioulsy...................ALL the years I was on birth control trying NOT to get pregnant and all the antibiotics I was on NOT ONE pharmacist every spoke those words to me. The sticker was on the bottle, but they never pointed it out. So I find it hysterical (and VERY sad) that they said it this time!!
I mean I'm thinking that the IVF W/ICSI is going to make it more ineffective then the antibiotic. Just a thought.

Tomorrow I go for blood work in the morning. NO SHOTS tomorrow AT ALL!! NONE! NOT ONE!! Woo Hoo!!!!
Injection free day!!!

Ok. I'm done now. New shows on tonight, so I have to go watch!!

Sunday

2008-03-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 7:20am to my alarm. So did NOT want to get up. But I had to.
I took a shower, did my hair, grabbed my coffee and headed out the door for my long drive to Charlotte.
By the time I got gas and got on the expressway it was 8:18am. I pulled into Reach at 9:13. I was leaving Reach at 9:17. So, it took me an hour to get there and it took approximately 4 minutes to go in, catch the elevator, get my medicine, catch the elevator down, get back into my car and turn it on. 4 MINUTES. Then I started back on my hour drive home. The new medicine is called Ganirelax. It's replacing the Lupron.

Speaking of the Lupron, I'm now convinced that it is the Lupron that made me eat like a fat pig! My uncontrollable eating started when I started my Lupron 10 unit doses. I noticed that lately I have not been eating like a fatty. I've actually went back to eating normal. It started a couple days AFTER I dropped my Lupron down to 5 units. So, I've concluded that the Lupron made me eat like a fat pig. So good riddens to it!! I took the Ganirelix this morning and I have NO appetite. I made my stuffed peppers tonight and I could barely eat them. I forced myself to eat lunch so I wouldn't get a headache later. So I've went from "Hungry Hungry Hippo" to not wanting to eat anything at all. Both are bad.

Russ was so excited that I decided to make my Stuffed peppers tonight. He loves them!! He told me tonight that it is his Favorite me off all time. I asked if he liked it better then all the yummy dishes he makes and he said ABSOLUTELY!! So, all the cooking my husband does and his favorite dinner is my signature dish. Ahh..........that makes me feel great!!

Here's a picture of my delicious dinner

They are SOOO yummy!! My mom is even stopping by to pic one up for her lunch tomorrow.

Russ went golfing today. Well he was golfing, he ran over to the woods to pee. Well, on his way, he stepped on tree root and twisted his ankle. I didn't think it was any big deal when he told me, but when he got home I almost passed out! The side of his angle looks like he has a baseball under his skin. It's huge!! He won't put ice on it. Also, he did it around the 12th hole and continued to finish golfing through 18 holes. Dumb men!!

While Russ was golfing, I had a date with my neice Kayla. We went to see the movie Horton Hears a Who. It was so funny!!! Seriously, GREAT MOVIE even for adults!!

I can't remember all the funny lines, but here is one that just cracks me up.

"In my world, there are nothing but horses. They eat rainbows and poop butterflys"

I was laughing my butt off through the whole movie.

After the movie we went to Mr.Gatti's. It's a pizza/past buffet. The food is pretty bad. Kids love it, adults not so much. However, they do have a great salad bar. After we ate, we went to the game room and played games. I won the jackpot on one of the games and the machine spit out 293 tickets!!!! HOLY CRAP! Too bad it wasn't a slot machine!! We had a ton of fun.

I finished the blanket I made for my Russ's Aunt Janet. Took a picture of that too. I'm loving my camera lately!!

She was diagnosed with breast cancer back in October. She had a mastectomy a few weeks ago.
I was going to send her flowers, but I saw this material at Joann Fabrics and thought this would be so much better.

Well, It's 9pm. Time to go read my book and go to bed.

I have another Ultrasound and blood draw at 8:15am. I'm hoping they will have a day for my retreival. Fingers crossed!!

Night All!!

Saturday

2008-03-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I woke up VERY early. 6:30am to get ready for this DR appt.
I wanted to be there at 8am, we got there about 8:15am.
I brought my book because last time I waited a bit for my ultrasound. Russ brought his computer.
As soon as I got there, they sent me upstairs for my bloodwork. When I got there, there were like 10 people waiting to get blood drawn. I was like OMG! It took forever. I left my book downstairs with Russ because usually the blood work is the quick part. So there I was waiting with NO book. I could have went back down and got it, but I didn't want to lose my spot. I was already number 11.
Finally got done with the blood work. Went down stairs for my ultrasound. Started reading my book, 2 minutes later they call me in.
Dr Wang (not my dr) did the exam. He was giving the sizes of my follicles. There were a LOT and they definatley grew from a couple days ago. However, when he was done, he said "Well, there looking good, but not ready yet. We'll check it out again on Monday". So, I left.
Hour drive home.

Later on..........................The nurse called me. This is the Charlotte nurse. She's so damn funny. I like her a lot. Almost wish she was my regular nurse. She's young too. MAYBE 22. If that. Anyway, she called and told me I had to come back to Charlotte (hour away) on Sunday because I needed to pick up some different medicine. According to her, I making some major eggs. Dr Crain (my dr) is afraid I'm getting over stimulated. So, I have to reduce my Follistim and then go get this other medicine to help counter act my egg producing meds. That pretty much puts a major cramp in my Sunday. I so don't wnat to drive down there. But obvioulsy, I will.

We bowled this afternoon. It was our last week to bowl. We kicked ass! I bowl with my parents and Russ. Russ is an Awsome bowler. His average is 205. Mine is 138. Today My LOWEST game was a 159. So obvioulsy, I kicked some ass. My high game......................178. NICE!!
I know. I'm a geek.

Well, I need to nap now.

Same Dose

2008-03-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, they did not change my dosage of my follistim. I'm still doing the same amounts for Thursday and Friday. I have another Ultrasound and bloodwork on Saturday. Unfortuneately, that means we have to drive to charlotte (48 miles away). The drive doesn't bother me, it's the fact that I have to get up at 6:30AM on a Saturday. Ugh...........that sucks!! BUT..........it's all going to be worth it when I get that sparkling BFP!!! Right?

My overies are starting to get really sore. My headache is back but my shoulder is feeling much better.

I celebrated Russ's gian raise last night by going out and buying us a new coffee maker!! I like the one we had, but it was black and just did not match our beautifully re designed kitchen.

So here is the one I got...........

Isn't it GREAT??? It fits right under my cupboard!! No more coffee maker on the counter. That is so great. Especially since I can not stand stuff on my counter. Even appliance.

I'm still gaining weight like crazy! Can't stop eating. However, I do walk two miles a day now. I hope thats helping because for some reason no matter how hard I try, I can NOT stop eating!!
I feel like a hungry hungry hippo!

I'm a Junior Achievment Volunteer.

I've been one for 3 years now. I love it!!

I usually always do 3rd grade. However this year I changed it up a bit. I'm doing a 3rd grade class AND a 4th grade class. For the record.............I am NOT smarter then a 4th grader. I actually had to ask for Russ's help to figure out my lesson plan for todays 4th grade class. Nice eh? So pethetic I am. Thank god I married a smarty pants!

Anyway, my class was very good today. Kids love the activities we do. After I was done, another 4th grade teacher wanted to know how to sign up. I told her if she wanted it done on Fridays at 10:15, that I'd do it. She was thrilled. Now I have to order another kit. So my first class is from 9:30-10:15 my second class (across the hall) will be 10:20 - 11:05. And I'm hoping my 3rd grade class will be 11:15-12:00. IF that all works out, I'll only have to go to the school one day. It's about 15 miles away, so saving the gas would be wonderful!!

We'll see.

I love to do it though, so I dont' mind taking on 3 classes. The kids are great and they really enjoy it.

MY FRIEND MELISSA!

WHERE ARE YOU GIRL????

PLEASE CHECK IN WITH ME WHEN YOU CAN!!

LOVE YA!!

He's SO Lucky!!

2008-03-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

Well, Russ left me an apology this morning.
Good thing too because I was about to release all my raging hormones on him.
I'm still annoyed with the way he acted, but I do think I got through to him. I just think he's been so overwhelmed with all of this job stuff that he's forgotten what I'm actually going through lately. So, I think he understands. I think. Let's hope it lasts.

Also, Russ too the the counter offer for his job. So, he's making some serious dough now!!! He's actually making more then now by himself then we made together when we bought our first house. Crazy!!! He's increased his income by $35,000 in less then 2 years.

I had another appointmetn today. Had blood work and an ultrasound. The bloodwork was painful. I really love my IVF nurse, but she gets rougher each time she takes my blood. I don't know what it was today, it didnt' hurt when she put the needle in, but it hurt the whole freaking time she was taking the blood. Ouchie!!

My ultrasound went well. The Dr turned the monitor so I could see my follicles. It was pretty cool!!! The ones on the right were bigger then the left. He said I have plenty of them. He said they are still a little small which is expected at this point and I'll have another ultrasound this weekend. I'm assuming they will up my Follistim dose today too.

Ok, well I have to do some work.

My Husband......

2008-03-12T17:29:00.001-07:00

(A) Got an EXCELLENT counter offer from his current job to get him to stay

(B) Is a Giant JERK

(C) Is a Selfish and Insensitive Ass

(D) All of The Above

If you answered D, then you are correct!

I'm not talking to him.

I hope him and all his fucking money keeps him happy!!

I'm REALLY happy that we're doing IVF to have a baby because I don't think I EVER want to sleep with him again!!

I'm sure your all thinking he did something horrible. He didn't really.
Just treated me like shit tonight. Yelled at me for NO reason what-so-ever. Just turned into a big fucking jerk!

He has absolutely no sympathy for the fact that I shoot up with 3 injections of hormones a day that give me a constant headache, neckache, and hot flashes. He doesn't ask about my appointments or how I'm feeling because he's so wrapped up in getting job offers and that's all he gives a flying crap about.
When I tell him how I feel and that I'm hurt and that I need a little support now and prefer not to be treated like the trash outside, I get this response "I'm not talking about this now".
So he's in the other room enjoying the discovery channel while I sit here and cry. Does he care??? NO!!! Has he come in to see if I'm ok???? NO!!
Is he a BIG FAT JERK???? Ummm...............I'd say YES!!!!

Why?

2008-03-12T08:08:00.001-07:00

I'm so sad.
A very good friend of mine had another miscarriage. It's so not fair. She's such a wonderful person. Genuine and kind hearted. She's so desearving of a baby. Probably more desearving then even me. I dont' understand why this happened to her.
I"m absolutely heart broken for her. There is nothing I can do or say to help her.
I'm so tired of watching good people suffer. So tired of trying to have faith in a God that just sends heartache to good people and rewards undesearving people. A God who has not listened to ANY of the prayers from the girls on our baby forum. We don't ask for much. We're good women and I dont understand why God won't listen to us.

How do you continue to believe? How do you keep the faith?
Because I'm finding it really difficult lately.

*******************************************************

In other news..............
My blood work yesterday came back fine. I'm continuing on my same doses and shots for two days. Then I go back to the Dr tomorrow for an Ultrasound and more blood work.
The last two and a half days, I've had a really dull headache. Also, my shoulder hurts and I'm so tired. I'm sure it's from the meds. I feel really yucky today. Worse then I have which scares me because I'm only half way there. I'm sure my meds will increase tomorrow.

My tentative egg retrieval is next week. Most likely Thursday or Friday.

I've now decided that Russ will do all my shots. I woke up two mornings in a row with HUGE bruises after I did my shots. When he does them, you can't even see the red dot. I tried to be independent. I wanted to do it myself. But I suck at it and I need to let go.

*************************************************************************
Russ currently has 3 job offers and now his current company is ready to counter offer. So he's trying to decide what to do. One job he's already counted out. But he was really struggling deciding between the other two and now his current job is throwing him stuff. He's getting kind of stressed. I told him it could be worse. He could be unemployed and not getting ANY offers. I mean having 4 people throwing money at you isn't a bad deal!
I just hope something happens this week. It's starting to stress me out too!!

Well, that's it. I've summed it all up.

I'm sad.
I'm Sick.
I'm a little stressed.

Ugh!!!!

2008-03-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've gained 5lbs since I started the birth control and Lupron.
I have now hit my maximum wieght EVER! I'm so dicouraged.
I was actually eating really healthy for awhile. But after about the 2nd week of Birth control pills and started the Lupron, I couldn't stop eating. It was like PMS EVERY DAY! Seriously, I'm not surprised I gained the weight. I'm just so dissapointed. I wanted to lose 5-8 lbs BEFORE the IVF and now I need to lose like 10lbs and I can't even really diet. This sucks.
I did stop at the store on the way into work and bought some those Peppermint lifesavors. The bag full. Now when I get the urge to eat a Ho-Ho or a bag of chips, I eat a 15 calorie mint instead.
It's not nearly as satifying as a Ho-Ho, but I can NOT gain anymore weight. I'm disgusted with myself.

The sad part is, it's probably going to get worse since I've added hormonal injections. Ugh......I don't know what to do. I need to stop eating. Well not stop, but stop eating EVERY single 15 minutes!!

On to other news.
At work, my dad gets a lot of stupid sales calls because he's an Owner of a company. Well, I weed them out. Since he works in the shop, he doesn't have time to talk to people that are trying to sell him shit he doesn't want anyway. So I ask the typical questions, whose calling, what's it regarding, etc. Then I'll ask to take a message and then they hang up on me. I HATE sales people. Serioulsy, these ones that call here are such ass hats.
Well today, the QUEEN OF ASS HATS CALLED!
Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Good Morning, Arch Tech this is Barb

Asshat: Is Robert still there?

(first off my dad goes by Bob, NOT Robert)

Me: May I ask whose calling

Asshat: Denise

Me: And your calling from????

Asshat: Livingtone College

(obviusly, she wants a donation)

Me: May I take a message for him, he's in the shop right now working

Asshat: Really? Because you just asked me questions like he was standing right there!

Me: Well, he's not. He's in the shop. That's where he works. IN THE SHOP.

Asshat: When will he be done in the shop?

Me: I don't know. He works in the shop ALL DAY. Again, that's where he works. IN THE SHOP!! Can I take a message for him so he can call you back?

(here's where it gets really good)

Asshat: Who is this?

Me: The office manager. My name is BARB. I stated that when I answered the phone.

Asshat: Well I'll just come down there in person and straighten this out. I'll speak with Robert in person and not deal with you.

Me: Well before you come, you should probably figure out the name he actually uses!! Good Luck when you get here!!

Click!!

I'm still waiting or her to come. The college is only about 3 miles away. It's been over an hour.
Stupid Bee-otch! People should just NOT screw with me on Mondays. Much less when I'm pumping myself full of hormones. I hope she DOES show up. I

That's it for now!

Later!

I Started........

2008-03-09T08:39:00.001-07:00

my stimulation meds.
I had 3 injections yesterday and two antibiotics.
Same protocal for tonight and tomorrow.
Then more bloodwork on Tuesday.
This is all very exciting and scary!

Nothing much else going on here.

I bowled yesterday then came home and started working on another blanket. It's a Breast Cancer awareness blanket for Russ's aunt. I think it's going to turn out pretty nice.
I'll post pictures when I'm done with it.

I need to start some baby blankets too. I have at least 3 to make by the end of the month.

Russ will probably get 2 job offers tomorrow. Both will be about $6,000 - $10,000 more then he's making now. One has really good health insurance. The other one one I don't know yet. We havent seen them. So we'll wait and see.

Well, I can't think of anything else at the moment to write about.
Maybe something exciting will happen and I can do another post later.

Welcome to my Roller Coaster Ride

2008-03-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

So, I cried all day.
Stopped at the store and bought a 6-pack of beer so I could get drunk.
Came home and checked my email and there was an email from my nurse.
Here is what it said...........

Hey Barb,

Everything looks great. Here's what we're doing. Take 5 units of Lupron tonight. Tomorrow, start antibiotics twice daily until finished. You have Doxycycline for 7 days and Russ has Cipro for 10 days. Your instructions are the same for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday as follows: no meds in the am. In the evening, you need to take your 5 units of Lupron, 150 units of Follistim, and 10 units of low dose hcg. Return Tuesday morning, 3-11-08, for blood work only. Come in about 8:15 and I'll get your blood drawn before I need to start ultrasounds with Dr. Whelan. I'll call you that afternoon and let you know what's next. Oh, and try to give your meds about the same time every night. Let me know if you have any questions. I'll be here for about another ½ hour. If not, I'll see you Tuesday.

Thanks,
Stephanie

So, I called her because I was so confused. I asked about the cyst and she said she talked to the Dr and he said if my estrogen levels came back good then continue with my meds. The cyst is only a problem if it changes hormone levels.

So I went from Way up.................. to Way Down...................to Way up. Just like a roller coaster.
It's kind of making me nauseus.

Stay Tuned!

IVF Update

2008-03-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

I had my appointment this morning for my Ultrasound and blood work.
I have a giant cyst on my right overy. Most likely, I will not be doing IVF this month.
I have to wait to hear from them after they get my blood work results to make any decisions.

I'm completely devastaed. I have no faith in this anymore.
I did everything right this month. EVERYTHING!
I was the healthiest I've ever been.
Every time I start to have some hope, some major set back happens.
I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't have it in me to keep going through this.
I don't understand why I keep getting more crap. Have I not been through enough already.
I mean lets look at what I've been through.........
-3 years of TTC
-multiple fertility tests
-Numerous negative pregnancy tests
-Surgery
-2 months of Lupron
-$30,000 in medical bills in 2008 ($4500 over the other two years)
-Fertility meds
-Multiple Ultrasounds
-watching people getting their SECOND BFP's while waiting for mine
-watching every person in hollywood get pregnant
-watching all these trashy people abuse and kill their childre that they dont want
-and now a big fat cyst!
When the fuck is it enough!

Getting Closer

2008-03-05T15:38:00.000-08:00

I took my last birth control pill last night.

I've been on the Lupron for more then a week now.

I got my stimulation meds today.

Now all I need is my progesterone injectable and I'll have all my meds to complete my IVF.

Friday, I go to get my ultrasound and blood work to see if and when I start my stimulation drugs. I should also have a tentative egg retreival and embryo transfter date then too.

It's going by pretty fast. I think because I'm dreading growing a whole bunch of eggs and then have a gigantic needle put through my vaginal wall in order to retreive them.

How Scary does THAT look????

Seriously, this is why time is flying by because the thought of that is scary!!

Look at the "Aspiration Needle" to the left. Do you see HOW LONG it is.

Ugh...............

I will be under general anesthesia, but still. OMG!

Well that should give me nightmares. Lets stop talking about it!

I've cooked dinner for the last 6 days!

Can you believe it. I've made some really good dinners too.

I made a Ham & Swiss Casserole which was AWSOME!!!

I also made my famous Stuffed Peppers.

My other dinners were nothing great, but I did cook. I really think Russ has taken a liking to my cooking too because he has not even offered to cook once!

I'm kind of getting sick of cooking everyday. I mean I don't mind because I know he's busy, but I'm going to get burnt out. I mean I went from cooking NEVER to cooking everyday. I think your supposed to work your way slowly into new household responsibilities. Right?

Well, speaking of......................dinner is ready so I must go eat!

Hope you all have a great night!

I've been Meme'd

2008-03-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

I have been meme'd. Jen has meme'd me. What does Meme'd mean anyway???

So here you go. The meme is that you need to turn to page 123 of any book, and then quote the 5th sentence on the page either in a post of your own or in my comments. Then you get to tag 5 people as well.

Here is mine:

"I didn't pop into the pub after and brag about it over a pint."

So I now tag...................

Erin M.

Laura

Erin P.

Sandi

Melissa

HAVE FUN!!

Saturday was Much better!

2008-03-02T06:29:00.001-08:00

Well, Saturday was a HUGE improvement over Friday.
I got a good nights sleep and felt well rested. I went to Walmart at 9am to get my new tires. I needed two of them. I fugured it would cost about $130. Nope. $172! Ouch. Of course while waiting for my tires, I spent $66 more dollars in the store. All stuff we needed though. We'd have to buy it eventually and we'd probably pay more somewhere else because I HATE going to walmart unless I absolutely have to. I then returned to the inspection place and they were so busy I would have had to wait forever, so I decided to go back on Monday.

We had some yummy New York Strip steaks for dinner. We have not had steak in so long. But they were on sale and I really wanted a steak. So steak, potatoes, and broccoli! Girl Scout cookies for dessert.

Then we watched the movie Michael Clayton. Blah! It wasn't that great. It was really slow and the ending was not worth the wait. You knew how it would end because it was a typical movie but sometimes they make the end at least a little exciting and edge worthy. Not this one. It was boring. I was not impressed. George Clooney wasn't anything special either. I rate it it 1 out 4 stars. So not worth the $5 rental.

I had Russ give me my shot last night. I realized although I CAN do it, I do it really badly. Friday night I did mine and I forgot to pinch the skin first. When I put the needle it, it hurt and out of reaction, I pulled it right back out. Not only did I have to stab myself again, but I was bleeding like crazy in my spot that I had just stabbed myself. The next day, it was black and blue with a red blood blister dot on there. Ugh. I suck! So last night I had Russ do it and he did a perfect job!
You could not even see the slightest red dot. Yay!
So for now on, I will let him do them if he's home and I'll only do them when I absolutely have to.

I'm going to a Home Builders show today with my mom, sister, and this lady Linda. I don't really want to go since it's going to be 70 degrees out. But I never get to spend any time with my mom, and she really wants me to go. So I'll bite the bullet and spend god knows how many hours walking around this show.
I just hope I get home at a decent hour. I'm supposed to make Russ stuffed peppers tonight. Those are a little time consuming.

Well, I'm off to take a shower and get ready to do. Hope you all have a great day!

Hope you all have a great day!!

Is this the medicine or are you really upset??

2008-02-29T14:41:00.001-08:00

This is the question my husband asked me tonight. Why?
Because I'm upset. I had a really crappy day. Full of being denied for various things such as a line of credit to my checking account and my van inspection. Neither are a big deal I realize. I took more money out my 401K, so I don't need the line of credit any longer, but I'm upset about being denied for it. I was denied because my husband has destroyed his credit and as hard as I've worked on fixing it, it's not good enough yet. The van is no big deal either really. I just need two new tires. Normally, no biggy. However, considering I'm scraping every fucking penny I can right now to pay for this IVF so I can have something that SO many people get for free, $100 for new tires is yet another set back in my charmed financial life.
I'm just sick of the set backs. I'm sick of taking two steps forward and having something knock me on my ass again.
I'm pissed that my mom has not offered one penny to help us out. I know they are not loaded, but they could afford to give us something. My mom pays $200 a month towards my nieces cathlic school, yet after hearing about our struggle for money, she's offered us nothing.
My dad told me to take a loan from Arch Tech. He'd give me money even if he was broke. He'd take a loan out for me if needed. Again, I don't need the money anymore, but I'm so happy at least HE offered it to me.

I so badly wanted to come home and talk to someone. I know that I can't talk to my husband. He just doesn't ever understand anything that I'm upset about. EVER. Of course I don't NEED him to understand. I need him to hug me and tell me it's ok. BUT nope. He says "Well, I'm going to go in the other room and let you calm down". WTF?? Seriously? He can NEVER comfort me.
Then when I say "I don't NEED to be left along" he said "Is the the Medicine or are you upset about something else. BEcause I don't get it and I don't know what you want me to do."
Nice. Do nothing you fucking schmuck! Do NOTHING! That will make it better!

I miss my friend. I miss talking to her on the phone. I miss the relationship I used to have with her. I don't why certain things in life have to change. I understand change. I just don't get this one. I never thought anything would change our friendship. But life did. Life changed it. I doubt it will ever be what it was. And that hurts so much.

So now, I have to blog my frustrating days because my husband doesnt get it. Doesn't even try to. I don't know who else to talk to.

I am thankful for my online friends. I've met some great people online. It's the one positive thing about my fertility issues. I've met some truely wonderful women. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

This has just been a really shitty day. I'm probably just going to go to bed.
Maybe it is the medicine. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm sick and tired of getting the really shitty cards dealt to me. Like the infertility card wasn't bad enough, keep throwing more shitty cards to me. Obviously you think I can handle it. Guess we'll wait and see.

Lupron Side Effect?????

2008-02-28T17:18:00.000-08:00

Does Lupron make you more domesticated? Just wondering because I have cooked dinner THREE nights in a row!
Those of you who know me, know that my husband does all the cooking. I very rarely cook.
However, Lately I've had all this motivation in the kitchen!
Tonight I made the best dinner. It was so easy, yet so delicious. Russ said aside of my stuffed green peppers, this is the best meal I've ever cooked. AND.....................it's the easiest clean up ever! 'm going to post the recipe for this dinner at the end of my blog entry today.
Melissa - You and Patty will LOVE this. Make sure you try and let me know what you think!

On to other news................I DID IT!!!
I gave myself my Lupron shot today!! I'm such a big girl.
It didn't hurt at all. Like a little prick of the skin.

A week from tomorrow I may be starting my stimulation drugs. Can you believe it? Time is flying by. Everyone said it would, but I didn't believe any of them.\

Well, that's it for today.
Here is the YUMMY recipe I promised you..............

Foil-Pack Chicken and Artichoke Dinner
"Baked in a foil-pack, this Mediterranean-inspired chicken and rice dish is ready to eat in less than an hour."

INGREDIENTS:
3 cups instant white rice,
uncooked
3 cups warm water
6 small boneless skinless
chicken breast halves, 1/2 inch
thick
1 (13.75 ounce) can artichoke
hearts, drained, quartered
2 cups chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup KRAFT Zesty Italian
Dressing
1/4 cup pesto

DIRECTIONS:
1.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Mix rice and water; spoon evenly onto center of each of six large sheets of heavy-duty foil. Top each with 1 chicken breast. Cover evenly with the artichokes and tomatoes, then drizzle evenly with the combined dressing and pesto.
2.
Bring up foil sides. Double fold top and both ends to seal each packet, leaving room for heat circulation inside. Place packets in single layer in 15x10x1-inch baking pan.
3.
Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until chicken is cooked through (170 degrees F). Remove packets from oven; let stand 5 minutes. Place one packet on each of six dinner plates. Cut slits in foil with sharp knife to release steam before opening.

I wimped out!

2008-02-28T06:15:00.000-08:00

I could NOT give myself the shot last night.
I made Russ do it.
He was nervous about it too. Did it a little too slow. I had to say "Ow! Too Slow Too Slow!!!"
Then I felt bad. He didn't take personally though. I would have done the same thing probably.
He's really nervous about doing the Progesterone shots. Those are the ones with the 1 1/2" needle and where you can actually hit nerves and such. He told me again last night that he's kind of scared to do it. I told him that I could have my sister do it. She's only 2 miles away, it's no biggy. But he said NOPE. I want to do my part in this. You have to get all the shots, I can at least do this for you. I'll get used it.
So sweet isn't he??
I'm going to try again to do my own shot again tonight. I really have to be able to do this myself since Russ works so much. Eventually, I'll be having like 3-5 shots a day at different times and Russ may not always be around. Between working all those crazy hours and golf, I'm sure there will be times he won't be there when I need a shot. So I NEED to figure this out.
I need to stop being a wimp. I am women..............hear me ROAR!!!

Appointment Today

2008-02-27T09:43:00.000-08:00

I had my appointment today for my Injection class, Trial Transfter, and Hystosonogram. Oh, and I had to have more bloodwork because the hospitial forgot to run my Hep B and Hep C tests with my last blood draw. Bastards!

Anyway, we left the house at 7am today and drove to Charolotte. The drive sucked! Charlotte is so freaking crowded during rush hour. Way too many people and way too little road!
I'm so glad Russ drove because I would have been a nervous wreck!

We got there at 8:30 and I went to the lab and had my blood work done. Then Russ and I had the injection class. It was really lame. We didn't get to practice or anything. Just listened. Well, actually, there was this funny a partial body (basically, a butt with stumps), and the guys did get to practice the Progesterone shots on those. Those shots are the Intermuscular shots and are pretty painful I guess and hard to do. So she did let them practice on the butt. Russ did well.

Then I had my other stuff. The trial transfer was a piece of cake!! I didn't feel a thing. Actually I didn't even know he'd done it. Good thing we did the trial too because my cervix is crooked or somehting. He needed to put in a special plastic piece to help guide the cathedar. Still didn't feel a thing so that was great.
Then he asked if I wanted to empty my bladder (needed to be full for the trial transfer) and I said no, just do the hystersonogram. So he did. That one SUCKED!!
Same type deal however, they shoot dye in your uterus and it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch!!!

The Dr also informed me that we do NOT need to do ICSI which REALLY pisses me off. We already paid for ICSI based on HIS notes in my file.
He said now that he would reccomend a "partial" ICSI. Maybe do a few with ICSI and then see how the rest do naturally. So now I have to call and find out the price difference and see if we can get a refund from integramed. We paid an extra $2500 for the ICSI. If we can get half that back, that'd be great! We'll see what they say.

Now I"m home because I'm tired. I slept like crap last night and I have a headache, so I decided not to go into work. I'm going to make some calls and take a nap.

Oh, and I started my Lupron shots last night. All is good with that!

Kind of left ya hanging eh?

2008-02-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

I forgot to update yesterday and tell you that I talked to my nurse who talked to the pharmacy and everything got all straightned out. My Lupron "Should" be today at noon. I will not hold my breath. I will not even believe it until I see them on my front porch. They are supposed to be delivered by noon, so I'll run home at lunch and check it out.

In other news..........I think my husband is AWSOME!! I know I comment alot on his "engineer" tendencies and how they annoy me. However, sometimes they come in REALLY handy.
Like last week, he made me a template for my blankets I make. He made it out of Plexi glass and its AWSOME!! So much easier to use then a cardboard template.

THEN................last night I was cutting some material with my electric scissors he bought me years ago and the blades are getting so dull that it was taking forever and screwing up my fabric, etc. Well he said just sharpent them. Well, I couldn't see how they could be sharpened. They are not normal scissors. I can't really explain them. Anyway, he took them, took the whole thing apart so he could get to the blades, sharpended them and put them back together. They work GREAT!!! I was so damn impressed! I could never have put them back together right. There were like 20 pcs. Anyway, sometimes is "brainy" self really pays off in my favor.

Well, that's it for now. I'll update later if and when I get my shot!

WHY ME????

2008-02-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why everything crappy happens to me. I realize that my current issue compared to what some people deal with, is nothing. But to me it's just frustrating!!!
I thought I was finally set with my Lupron shipment. I was wrong.
I got home today and my package was at the door. YAY!! Well, I opened it up and NOT SO YAY!
They sent me the WRONG Lupron. I need the 2-week kit (which I explained to at least 6 people there this past week) and they sent me the ONE month shot. So I paid $80 for a perscription that I can NOT use.
Anyway, I called. At first I was just irritated. But while sitting on hold, I realized that this for sure could delay my IVF by 6-8 more weeks. Well, I immediately burst in to tears. By the time the lady got back on the phone I was a mess. So I cried and told her that I had to have the right stuff by Tuesday. She said my nurse never specified what Lupron I needed. HELLO?? Why would you send anything then? Why would you NOT call my nurse and get the info. I was hysterical. Anyway, she promised me that she'd get confirmation of exactly what I needed on Monday and overnight so I'd have it on Tuesday.
I'm not holding my breath. This mail order place screws everything up and I have a feeling that this will end up delaying my IVF. Right now, I'll try and stay positive. But it's really hard.
I also got our antibiotics. Those were right. Guess it's hard to screw those up.

It's 7:30pm and Russ is still not home. He's worked until 6:30 or 7pm every night this week. He also worked last Saturday and Sunday. It sucks. He comes home so miserable that he doesnt' even hang out with me. Just hibernates in the other living room.
I'm so freaking alone. And I'm getting angry at him. Which I realize is not fair, but I can't help it. The worst part is, I keep thinking...............what if he's not working? What if he's out with someone? I'd never know.
It's ridiculous to think these things. I have no reason to think he'd cheat on me. But between working late and his lack of sex drive, I can't help but wonder.
For those of you who know Russ I"m sure your thinking yah right? But really, ya never know.
Maybe my Baby Wanting Basket Case of a Women Self has driven him away. Would I ever really know?
Shit I had a guy cheat on my for years and it was obvious to everyone but me! I look back now and can see it but I always had excuses for him when we were dateing.
I don't know. This is stupid. I'm sure he's not cheating on me. I think. I don't know.
I think I'm going crazy.

Well, I've got to go find my brain. I know it's somewhere here.

Things are moving right along

2008-02-20T10:04:00.001-08:00

Well, One week from today, I'll be doing my trial transfer and hystersonogram. Also, Russ and I will get our Injection training so we'll know how to give me the shots!
I take my first shot on Tuesday. One day earlier then my class, so my sister is going to do it.

I've ordered all my meds that I know of so far. My bill so far is $1,626.00. I'm hopeing everything else I need will be covered by insurance for $40-$80 co pays. It's about $700 more then I was hoping, but what can I do. I need it right.

I also found out that I have to pay for my Anesthesia in advance. That's $800.00

So basically, I wired $23,000.00 to integramed today.
I mailed $1,558 to the clinic for some past tests.
I've spent $950 in appointments already this month.
I have to have $1,626.00 on March 4th for meds.
I have to have $1,998.00 on March 7th for the Anesthesia, Trial Transfer, and Hystosonogram.
So, my grand total from January 1st - March 7th is.......................(((drum roll please)))........................... $29,132.00

Oh, and I almost forgot, if I have embryos left over that can be frozen, that will cost another $1,100!!

I've already stressed about it and I'm over it. I know that when I have my baby or babies, I'll forget ALL of those numbers. It WILL be worth it. I WILL get me a baby!
I'm not thinking about money anymore.

Nothing else much new here.

PLEASE tell my husband................

2008-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

that bills do NOT go away if you ignore them!
Collection agencies do NOT forget about a bill that you owe.

My husband has owed $97 to Sprints since 2003. Before we got together. They sent letters and collection agents sent letters and he threw them out. It showed up on our credit report in July when we bought our house and Russ said it wasn't his. Must be a mistake.
So anyway, tonight, they called the house (pretty scary that they have this number when my husband doesn't even know our home phone number and it's in MY name) but anyway, I gave him the phone and I heard him say "What is it? I'll check on it an call you back, what's your number" . I know he wasnt' writing the number down since he was in the living room with NO pen. Anyway, after he hung up, he told me it was Sprint again. So, I'm like well why not just deal with it. He's like I dont' have an account from 2006 so it's not mine. So why not tell them that? I mean seriously. It does NOT JUST GO AWAY!!!!
Anyway, I called them back (number on caller ID), I asked all the details they had. They said the account was from 2001-2003 and he never paid the last bill. I spent 15 minutes on the phone having this nice chat with the collection lady. Getting all the details we needed and talking about how ridiculous it was to send a $97 to a collection agency 3 years AFTER the bill was due and to still be collecting on it 2 more years after that.
She said didn't you get all our letters? I was like um...................probably. But my husband thinks if he ignores stuff, it just goes away, hence why I called you back. So anyway, I have their address and I'm sending them $97 since my husband is a pain in the freaking ass!

I'm getting so sick and tired of fixing every freaking flaw on his credit report. I've taken care of EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM on there so far. His judgments...............I CALLED and got as much info as I could so we could get all of this shit straightend out. He just freaking ignores everything and then blames the companies when it show's up on our credit report. No ASS HAT! It's YOUR FAULT! And if you truely don't owe the money then take care of it THEN! That way, you have ALL the info and proof you need. You don't ignore them for years and expect to win! You're not hurting them................you're hurting OUR credit! So just take care of it already!!!
Ughhhh...........I want to slap him!
The worst part is. He's annoyed with me right now because I called back and got the info.
Are you kidding me????? I'm FiXING IT!

I have to go to bed before I slap someone.

Weekend Recap

2008-02-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

Friday:

I got the OK to start the Birth control pills. My perscripstions are "pending" with the insurance company. Hopefully, they will be under $1,000.
We went to dinner at Ichibans with some people Russ works with. One guy was from their corporate office and they wanted to take him out. The other couple was a couple I've met before. I don't really care much for them. They both cheat on each other on regular basis. They have 2 kids that I think they treat like crap. She told me at dinner that her son got in trouble that day for talking to the other kids about sex. The teacher said he was giving every detail of how it was done. I asked how old her son was figuring he was like 10 or so, but nope he is in FIRST GRADE! Holy crap! That's pretty young to have that much detail about sex. Something is way wrong there. She also said that he consistently trys to kiss her with an open mouth and says "come on mom, let's go have sex"
That's just freaking crazy. I told her she needs to get him some counseling and figure out why he's doing this. She claims they have no idea where he's getting this from. Maybe not, but she sure as hell needs to figure it out.

Saturday:

Woke up at 9:30 and started laundry. Then I was playing on the computer. Just relaxing like I do every Saturday morning. Russ called me at 10:30 and told me he invited two guys from corporate over for dinner. WHAT? Are you kidding me?? Nope. He wasn't kidding. So I had to hurry up and clean my house BEFORE bowling at 1:30. I was so not happy! The sad part is, he asks me EVERYTHING before doing it, but he didn't ask about this. I was so annoyed. I did not want to spend my morning cleaning, that was for tomorrow.
The other thing is when I bowl, I have some drinks. So usually I have a slight buzz when I get home. I got home at 4:45 and the guys showed up at 5pm. Ugh! I was so not in the mood.
They were very nice, but they were here until 8pm. And they all just talked about business.
It was SO freaking boring!

Sunday:

This day is not over yet. Actually, it's jsut starting. I have to go clean my moms house today. I don't feel like it. I still have to finish all of our laudnry since Russ had company yesterday.
We also got invited to our neighbors house for the Daytona 500 race. He's having a party. We said we'd be there, but I SO DO NOT FEEL like going. I just want to relax. I don't want to do anything else today. It's going to take everything I have just to get up and clean my moms.

Oh, we got our check from our 401K yesterday too. It was $2,500 less then we thought. That SUCKS! I have no idea how we're going to make it through this. Also, we have to pay our balance off at REACH ($1,558) BEFORE we start IVF. So that pretty much takes the rest of the moeny from our check. Somehow, we have to come up with money for meds, $1200 for the trial transfer/hystersongogram on 2/27. Then $800 for anesthesia the day of the retreival and $1,100 to free any extra embryos if we have any. Crap! I have no idea HOW we are coming up with that money.

Well, I need to go change the laundry over.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Appointment Update - Part 1

2008-02-15T10:30:00.000-08:00

I went to my appointment today.
Gave about 9 vials of blood. I seriously should have eaten breakfast before I went. I was extremely light headed on the way home.
Then I had my ultrasound. (Barf!) I hate Cycle Day 3 ultra sounds. But the dr was very nice. We talked about our valentines day events. That kept my mind off the fact that I had my period AND a camera wand up my hoo haw. Anyway, I survived.

Then the nurse gave me my schedule.
If all the blood work comes back good, then this will be the start of my schedule

2/15/08 - Start Birth control
02/26/08 - Start Lupron Injections
03/04/08 - Last day of birth control
03/07/08 - Back in for an ultrasound/blood work
- Decrease Lupron
- Start stimulation drugs (if all is well)

She sent my prescriptions off to the pharmacy. Can't wait to see how much THAT will cost.
I'm figuring around $1,500. I sure as heck hope it's not more then that.

This appointment today cost me $700. YES! You read that right.........$700.

Here is the break down:

Patient Appt: $72
Ultrasoudn: $200
Blood Tests total: $428
(estrogen, fsh, lh, prgesterone, and tsh)

I also had blood taken for the infection panels (HIV, hep, etc), but hopefully insurance will cover those. If not, then I'll get billed from the hospital.

Now I'm just waiting on the OK to start the birth control pills tonight.

I'll let ya know what I hear.

She's Here..........Still Not Happy:(

2008-02-14T07:46:00.001-08:00

Well, my period showed up last night. You'd think I'd be on top of the world since I was waiting for it. But I just got so sad. I cried for over an hour and I wasn't even sure why I was crying.
I figured it out though.

I remember when we first started trying to conceive. I was talking to a friend on the phone and saying how we'd try on our own and the most I'd do is fertility drugs but we'd NEVER do IVF or IUI. I was adiment (sp?) that we would not go that far nor spend all that money on having a baby.
Almost 3 years later, look where I'm at. Getting ready to hand $23,000 for IVF and we have to have $4600 in the bank for the meds, and tests not covered in our plan. $27,600!! Amazing how 3 years can change things.

Anyway, I guess part of me really never thought I'd be at this point. I never truely believed we'd be doing IVF. I'm scared and I'm angry.
I was really hoping that I'd miraculously be pregnant this month. That we'd save all that money and that we COULD make a baby naturally. But nope. I was crushed when my period showed.

Now, we will spend all that money. I will have to do injections that will totally screw with my hormones. I will have to go through MORE painful procedures. And there really is still no Guarantee that I will be able to get pregnant. This is my last chance for a baby.
That's so scary to me. I'm so scared my body will not let me get pregnant. I'm scared that my husband will hate the "Hormonal" me. What if we fight all the time while on these drugs. What if it doesn't work? I don't think I could handle that. I think I would die of a broken heart.

My head is spinning. I want to throw up. I'm not sure I can do this.

This Sucks!

2008-02-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

I'm so sick of waiting!
I still have not gotten my period. It sucks! When I don't want her to show up, she's early. I can't do anything with the IVF until then.

This past week has been unbearable. Hearing or seeing ANYTHING pregnancy related makes me cry. And NO, I'm not pregnant because I already took a test it was WAY negative. I thought maybe by some fucking miracle, I might be able to save $30,000 and get pregnant naturally like the rest of the world. But NOPE.

I feel like crap. I'm sick of being sad and feeling broken. I'm sick that I have to pay $30,000 to have something that most of the world gets for free! I'm sick of getting bill after bill that I OWE to the hospitals and clinics for all the fertility testing. It's not fair. I hate this. I hate life right now. I have no motivation to do anything. Nothing. I go home and do nothing. Just sit there and wait for my period. So much for my therapy eh? Maybe I need to go back. Fuck!!

Oh well. Done with this pitty party. Sorry to be such a downer.

Weekend Recap

2008-02-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

I was going to start updating this blog every day whether I had anything to say or not. Obviously, that has not happened. Part of the reason is, I'm struggling at dealing with the whole infertility thing again. Not really that part of it, but the financial part of this IVF. Then seeing people getting pregnant for free. It's costing me $30,000+ and other people nothing! I can't even imagine. I can't believe I'm going through this.
But, I am. That's it. Nothing I can do about. It is what it is right.
Whatever, can't talk about it. Too upsetting.
Here's my weekend reacap.

Friday

I'd like to say I did something exciting, but I didn't. Cleaned my mom's house after work. I got home around 7:30pm. It took everything I had to stay up until 9pm so I could watch Friday Night Lights. Russ still wasn't feeling great, so he was alseep on the couch when I got home. He woke up and ate and then basically went to bed. Poor guy. I feel so bad for him. He's never been this sick in the 5 years I've known him. Anyway, that was Friday. Exciting eh?

Saturday

Woke up at 8:15am because my Husband is SO LOUD!!! He opens the door loud, closes the door loud. walks loud. It pisses me off! I am SO QUIET when he's asleep. Not him! He's freaking loud.

Anyway, I got up and started laundry, he went to work. We had bowling at 1:30. It sucked! I bowled my worst all season! What really sucks is last week, I bowled my BEST all season. How do you go from one extreme to the next. I was so upset. I almost cried. Like my eyes were actually watering. I know it sounds silly, but hey, I'm PMS'ing, I've cried over less. Anyway, after bowling, we went home, I finished laundry and was fell asleep at 8pm in my recliner! Russ woke me up at 11pm to go upstairs. I must have been serioulsy tired. Probably all that drama of bowling! Or PMS? Either way, I was knocked out!

Sunday

Woke up at 8:30. On my own this time. Russ didn't wake me up. Probably something to do with falling asleep at 8pm.

I started cleaning. Cleaned the whole house floor boards and all by 12:30pm. It was wierd since I usually don't get motivated until 12:30pm.

After I cleaned I went to Walmart (crazy thing to do on the weekend), I had to get a baby gift for my great nephew. He was born last week. I decided to make him a blanket too. I found the cutest material. I went home and started on it and actually finished it last night. It's by far my favorite blanket I've ever made. Here's a picture of it.

Well, that's it for now.

Still waiting on AF to show so I can start this IVF stuff. It's making me crazy. I just need an appointment and I can't have that until she shows up!!

I just want to make a baby blanket for me!

Childhood Flash Back!

2008-02-06T07:27:00.000-08:00

I opened my bottle of baby aspirin and had a major childhood flashback!
Let me explain...................

Picture it..............Rochester, NY 1978. I was an adorable 4 year old!
I remember sitting on the front steps of our little cape cod. My sister (7 years old) sat next to me.
I had a bottle of baby aspirin in my hand. Here is what I remember of the conversation

Me: Look what I found
Julie: So, it's medicine
Me: Yah, but it taste like those little candies in the clear wrapper (referring to smarties)
Julie: It's medicine, not candy. You can't eat it.
Me: Yes I can.

I then proceeded to eat the entire bottle. It was a small bottle. I don't know how many I ate. They were good though. Anyway, my lovely sister sat and LET ME eat the whole thing. THEN she went and told my mom.
So, I got rushed to the hospital, stomache pumped, IV's and such.
I still didn't understand what was going on. My mom asked why i ate them and I told her "They tasted like candy". What was she thinking, that at 4 years old I was trying to commit suicide? Of course I ate them all because they tasted good!

Anyway, today I opened the bottle of baby aspirin ( I have to take it everyday for IVF) and I got a whiff of that orangey good flavor and I wanted to EAT THEM!
Since I've already OD'd on them, I decided NOT to chew and just swallow it whole. Hate to get addicted.

Great Super Bowl!

2008-02-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

I think last nights Super Bowl was by far the BEST Super Bowl I've seen in YEARS!!
I'm far from a Giants fan, however, I hate the Patriots even more. So I was rooting for the Giants. They so came through for me.

We had about 9 people over for the game last night. It was fun. We had major snacks. Not so good for the diet, but I guess cheating every once in awhile wouldn't kill me right?
I was going to make Chili for the game, but it was 68 degrees yesterday, so we decided to cook out on the grill! We had chicken, sausage, and brats. Yum!

Yesterday morning I went to a Batism for my Friend Sarahs twins. I LOVED her church! I don't normally go to church. Haven't been in I have NO idea how long. I've wanted to go to church so when we have children I can introduce them to it.
I was raised Cathlic, but again, have not been in probably 14 years. The church I went to yesterday was Christian. I think I'm going to go to the Cathlic Church here with my sister and see if I like it. If not, I'm seriously considering going to Sarahs church.
It's a small church and the pastor is extremely entertaining. Also, they give you a bulletin (like an itinerary) at the begining that tells you all the stuff to say in response to the pastor. It also lists all the hymns and actually gives you the page and book color. There is NO way to look like an idiot at that church. I think that's my favorite part. I didn't feel so out of place.
Russ has no preferance for churches, so I think he'd be open to trying this one.
I'm going to talk to him tonight about it.

I started walking tonight. Walked my neighborhood, it's about a mile. I got my new MP3 player today and so I started my exercise program. I'd like to lose 10lbs before I start my IVF stimulation drugs in 6 weeks. I need to be able to do it healthy though. I dont' want to mess up anything with the IVF.

Well, I've dragged on long enough.

Hope everyone is doing well!

IVF Consult Day!!

2008-01-24T15:43:00.001-08:00

Had my IVF consult today.
The lady just went over the whole process from start to end. Took about 1 1/2 hours. Kind of boring since I pretty much know the whole process from my friend Sarah and everyone on here that's been through it.
Anyway, I asked about when i'd hear about being accepted into the Shared Risk Program and she said I should have heard by now. So when I left I was of course FREAKING OUT!! All I could think of was what IF I don't get accepted? What if we take out all that money and we don't get accepted? My mind was racing all the way out of the hospital. When I got in the car, I pulled out my phone to call Russ and I had a message. So I checked it and it was the lady from the Shared Risk Program and she said....................................................................Congrats, you've been accpted to the program. Please call me so we can work out the details.
WOO HOO!!!

So, now I have the MONEY, I've been accepted into the program, and I have a PLAN!! Holy shit! It's really happening!!

I have to wait for my next period (approximately 2 1/2 weeks) and then I start Birth Control and Lupron shots. Then I'll get another period and then..........................................STIMULATION DRUGS!!!
So, I'm officially calling AF to hurry up and get her ass here!! Don't be late Bee-atch!!

Emotional Day

2008-01-23T18:07:00.001-08:00

This was a very emotional day. I don’t know why. Well, I do know why, but I don’t know why it’s affected me so much. I got very teary eyed when I heard of another BFP. It’s her 2nd BFP since I’ve been TTC. I’m so happy for her. I don’t wish Infertility on anyone, so I’m glad that it’s so easy on some. However, it makes my heart ache. I immediately got a knot in my stomach and my eyes watered uncontrollably. I hate being like that. I hate feeling bitter. Especially since I’ve worked so hard at NOT being bitter. I guess I still have some work to do I suppose.

Then I had tears over the whole financial aspect. Getting the loan has not been nearly as easy to get as I thought it would be. I am struggling with the financial aspect. . Can't seem to get all the money I need in one spot. So, looks like we'll be dipping into the 401K. I don't want to, but I'm running out of options. We'd be fine if DH and I didn't screw up our credit. We're fixing it, but it's just not quite good enough yet. I hate that we have this “issue” on top of everything else. I mean, seriously, is it not bad enough that I have to PAY for a baby! Now I have to struggle to PAY for it.
Why is it so easy and natural for so many.

At 4pm, I had my meeting with my RE (reproductive endocrinologist)

The meeting went well. The Dr said we have an excellent chance of getting pregnant via IVF. He felt so strongly about it that he was completely discouraging my idea of having two embryos transferred instead of one. I told him I’d make the decision when I heard about the quality of the embryos.

The really good news is I don't have to re do ANY tests!! I was so worried about that. I do have to do the HIV, Hepatitis blood test, but that's covered, and it’s just blood work, so I can deal with that! Russ is all set too. No new tests for him. I don't need to go on Lurpon. That's good (aside of the fact that I have an $80 Lupron shot in my kitchen that I no longer need). When I get my next period, I am supposed to call on CD2 and make an appt to go in on CD3. They'll check me out, do the blood work and then I start the pill for 21 days. After 2 weeks on the pill, I'll start the daily Lupron. So far, that's all I got. I will have more info tomorrow at my IVF consultation. That's it for today.

I’ll update tomorrow after my IVF consult with the Martha!

New IVF Update!

2008-01-17T14:09:00.001-08:00

Well, there was a slight change of plans in the whole IVF plan.

I got my Lupron shot on Tuesday, just in time. My sister was coming over later to give me my shot. When I checked the mail, I also got the contract for the shared risk program through NCCRM (the new place we were going to) and I didn’t like it.
Basically, all 3 IVF’s and all frozen embryo transfers had to be done in ONE YEAR. This made me nervous because I don’t like time lines. Also, there were some other issues that I won’t get into, but it made me very uncomfortable. So I talked to Russ and got some opinions from people who have been through IVF and decided NOT to go through with the IVF program at NCCRM. Although it was much cheaper, it was a bigger gamble and I just didn’t want to risk that kind of money. I did not do the Lupron shot. It’s still sitting on my counter.

So, On Wednesday, I emailed REACH (the original fertility clinic) and called the finance office.
Next week on Wednesday, I will go meet with Dr. Crain to discuss the IVF and what I will need to do to get started. On Thursday, I’ll meet with an IVF Consultant for their shared risk program. In the meantime, REACH is gathering all my information and applying for the shared risk program for me. Hopefully, I will be accepted. There is really no reason why I wouldn’t be accepted, but it’s kind of stressful to think about it.

Today, I had to start looking into the financials. We need $25,000 to get started. So, after our original plan of going through our bank didn’t seem to work out (we could probably only get about $16,000 in a Home owners line of credit. So, I emailed my mortgage broker Chet and he asked what I needed it for. I explained it to him and he said he’s pretty sure he can get me the money we need. So now it’s a waiting game.
Hopefully we’ll be able to get the money at a good interest rate. I really don’t want to be paying outrageous amounts of interest on $25,000.

I’m trying really hard not to stress about anything. I need to stay calm and just take it one day and one issue at a time.

Well, that’s it for today. I’ll keep you posted!

UPDATE on IVF Appt!

2008-01-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

The appointment went well. Actually, we almost left because they left us waiting for so long. However, the Dr more then made up for it when he saw us. He was extremely informative and very funny!!

After going over our records and asking us some questions, he said we are perfect canidates for IVF and their Shared Risk Program. He figures the reason we havent gotten pregnant yet was because of my endo. He said even with having all my endo removed, chances are we will not conceive naturally. He said endo is very destructive and causes problems that we are not aware of. Anyway, he sounds very positive about it.

Tomorrow the financial lady will call me and we'll go over all the financial. Then we'll go to greensboro to meet with another lady who will give us the IVF education. Indcluding shot classes, etc. When AF shows up (in the next day or two) I have to go back on Lupron (ugh!!!), but just for one month. Then birth control for 2 weeks. In those 6 weeks, we'll get any lab work and testing done that is required for the IVF (i.e. Hepetitius, HIV, etc). Then before I start my injectables, I'll have to have a saline ultra sound and if all is good, let the SHOTS begin!! So, I'm thinking Mid to end of March will be our first IVF.

I'm excited to know we're getting started, but I hate the thought of the Lupron again. He said I have to do the Lupron becuase of my previous endo. I'm excited about the plan. I have an IVF PLAN!!!! I'll be MORE excited once I know exactly what tests we need and once our financials are approved.

Wish me Luck!!

She Quit!!

2008-01-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

My assistant quit!!!

YAY! Now I don't have to fire her. She was really bad. Couldn't remember crap. Always on personal calls, always late. Always wanting time off. It was crazy. The problem was that she was a member of the Elks lodge and a friend of my parents. Well not really a friend, but they see her around a lot. So even though they said I should fire her, I felt bad. So I just put up with it. Well she's getting a divorce and needed a full time job so she quit!!!She tried to give me a notice, but I told her don't worry about it. She's only working tomorrow to help me clear some things up and then I'm on my own.I'm not hiring anyone else. I'll just do the job myself. If I stay organized and caught up, it will be a piece of cake. I may have to work a few Saturdays, but that's ok. Also, not sure if I'll ever get a vacation again.

I had my last Thereapy appointment last night. It was great. I always leave there feeling so good. She was supposed to Hypnotize (sp?) me and record it to listen too when I get stressed. However, we started talking about Russ. He's been a real bear lately and so we talked about how to deal with his moods. She gave me some really good techniques to use. According to her, I have a very imaginative mind and I can use it to my advantage. The techniques she showed me are easy and we practiced some of them. She said I could use them anytime for any problem really. I told her that I thought the program was a little wierd when she first told me about it, but I thanked her for getting me out of my funk and teaching me how to use my mind!!

My IVF consult is in TWO DAYS!!! I can't wait to have a plan. Realistically, I figure we won't actually do the IVF for a 2-3 months. By the time we do all the tests we'll have to do to be accepted into the shared risk program and then if I have to go on the pill or anything, who knows. But that's ok. I'm taking it one appt at a time. Right now I'm concentrating on Thursday and getting our time line started.Tonight Russ and I are watching Johnny Dangerously! I love that movie. I haven't seen it in years, but I love it. I thought of it the other day and ordered it off Amazon.com and I got it today so we are watching it tonight. I also ordered 4 more books. The next 4 in the J.D. Robb series. I'm waiting for them to get here. I really need them since there is NOTHING on TV. I know they shipped, so hopefully they'll be here this week. Well, I guess thats enough of an update for now.

More tomorrow!!!

Have a great night!!

Wierd Dreams

2008-01-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the strangest dream. Usually, I don't even remeber my dreams. The ones I do remember are ALWAYS about a tornado or a plane dropping out the sky and exploding 100ft from me (these started after 9/11).
Anyway, last night I had this very long dream and it did NOT involve a tornado or an exploding plane.It started out that we were at our new fertility clinic. We were waiting in the lobby to see the dr. The dr came out and asked if she could see me in her office. So I went in there and she did a breast exam on me and "hmmmm that's what I thought". She said you have some lumps and we'll need to do a biopsy. Well, in my dream, i wasn't freaked out about it being cancer. I told her that my mom used to get cysts all the time and I'm sure that's all it was. Well, she looked concerned and said I'll get you the test results as soon as possible. Well, then in my dream Russ and I were just waiting and waiting for the results. In my head was making myself believe that they were just cysts, but I was kind of scared of what if it wasn't. What if it was cancer.Anyway, the Dr went to some other office and forgot about us. So Russ and I drove to the other office and waited longer, then I woke up. So I have no idea if I had cancer or cysts. This was so odd. I never dream things like this.
I do think I know where it comes from tho. Ever since I've been on this Femara (which by the way is a breast cancer medicine) my boobs have been extremely sore during the 2ww and they feel really wierd. Like if I press on them, they don't feel right. They feel hard and lumpy. However, a day or two before AF shows, they go right back to normal. So I think this is where the dream came from. Freaked me out though. I don't like dreaming of stuff like that. It seemed so real.

On to other news. I got all the Christmas decorations down outside and inside. Well, alll but the snowflakes hanging from the roof. Russ will have to do those. I don't like ladders. After I got all the decorations down, I spent 4 hours cleaning my house from top to bottom. Scrubbing EVERYTHING.Feels so good to have my house back. And no Major decorating until OCTOBER!!!! Woo Hoo!!!Well, need to get ready to watch Desperate Housewives!! Have a good night!

Back to Normal...........Sort of

2008-01-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday and I'm doing laundry and getting ready to go bowling. Ahhhhh............life is getting back to normal. Tomorrow I'll clean and watch football. It feels good to not have to go anywhere or do anything special. Just life back to normal. Yay!

The part that's not back to normal (and I pray never is) is my attitude. I decided after my 2nd appointment at the Therapist that I was NOT going to wish my life away anymore. No more charting and obsessing about getting pregnant. I don't even know where the last 3 years of my life has went. I barely remember a thing about it.So, after that appointment I decided no more rushing or obsessing. Then, after the new year, I decided I was going to enjoy everyday. Truely enjoy it. I went back to work Wednesday. And Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were HELL! But I smiled the whole day. I just reminded myself that I woke up breathing today, I have a job, I have a lot of love in my life, I have a great house, etc, etc, etc. This is really NOT like me at all! But I LOVE the new me. I love feeling good. Russ and I got in a fight the other day, well he got all angry and yelling over nothing, and I simply siad, "I will not deal with you this way". I went upstairs and read my book for 3 hours. Felt great. I didn't let that ordeal ruin my night. I didn't immediately go to the fridge and grab a beer. I didn't feel the need to fight back and prove my point. I just decided that life is too short to waste precious time saying mean stuff and arguing over things that just really don't matter.
I don't know how long and if this new attitude will last, but it feels so good. I feel good. I feel light and content and happy. Ok, I'll stop going on and on about this. I'm sure some of you are thinking I'm a whack job! Maybe I am. But I don't care.

In other news, I'm so done with my old fertility clinic. The Dr left out a bit of information regarding some of our tests that I found to be important in Russ and I's decision making. It may affect anywhere from 5-10%, but it's the point that I paid $250 for a consult with this Dr who said everything was fine and we should have no problem getting pregnant on our own. However, he did not give all the info to us. I found out when I asked for a copy of our medical records. I spent all day emailing the nurse trying to get some answers. I SHOULD have been able to ask the Dr all these questions back in JUNE when he got the results, but HE decided it was of no importance to inform us. Well, he just lost $25,000, sicne I will NOT go back there for my IVF.I do have an appointment on Thursday the 10th at the new Fertility clinic. I'm excited. I'm going to inform them that due to my old Dr's screw up that I will want copies of all the notes and test results from all my appointments. I'm NOT going to be blindsided again.

Well, I have to go get in the shower and clean myself up. Hope you all have a great day!!

Sad

2007-11-13T05:17:00.000-08:00

Went to the Dr for a Beta test yesterday. It was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. I was a mess. Thank gooodness I didn't find out until after work. I really thought I could handle it. I thought for sure, I'd be sad but fine. I was wrong. I was a basket case. Poor Russ. He was so excited about this cycle. He really thought I was pregnant and not only did he have to deal with the dissapointment, but he had to deal with me (his basket case wife).
We were planning on trying for 6 more months and then moving on to IVF, however, Russ suggested last night that we try for 3 months instead. He doesn't me to have to go through this much longer. I'll be starting my 30th month this week. 30 Months of trying to make a baby. Sounds ridiculuos doesn't it. When do you give up. When do you decide that God just doesn't think you should be parents. I would be excited to start IVF, but at the same point, that's it. The end of the road. What if THAT doesn't work? Then that's it. We'd be done with trying to make a baby of our own. That's kind of scary.

This month we probably won't be able to do a monitered cycle since I'll be in NY on CD3. I don't believe they will moniter my cycle without a CD3 ultrasound. So, we'll really be trying all on our own this month. I'll have to start temping because I need to know when I ovulate. That's important to me. I'll start taking my vitamin b6 again and hope that speeds up my ovulation day. I've been praying for a long time, and that just doesn't seem to work, so not sure I'll include praying in my plan this month.

I so badly want to STOP thinking about Trying to Conceive. I dont want to think about ovulation. I don't want to feel every pinch or pain in my lower body and wonder, what was that?, I've never felt that before, Maybe I'm pregnant. I don't know how to remove those thoughts. They've been a part of my life so long, I don't know how to remove them from my head. That's the suckiest part.

Well, sorry for this depressing blog entry.

This sums it up today

2007-11-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine posted this on our forum today, and it really hit home for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

I thank god everyday for the online friends I've made during this struggle. It's a very lonely feeling going through this and having people who understand (because they've been there) makes every day seem a little more tolerable.

A little bit busy!

2007-10-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend was very Busy!

Russ is in NY hunting, and my parents and sister are out of town at an Elks Lodge Convention (geeks!). Anyway, that meant I got Kayla (my niece) for the weekend. I had no idea a six year old could wear my ass out, but she did! Not her really, just everything we did. I made a lot of plans for us.

Friday Night:

We went to walmart to get some games to play later and some pumpkins to paint. Then we went to see my friend Sarah and her twins. Kayla just adored them. Cole was a little fussy and Bryce was his normal calm happy self. I asked if Kayla wanted to help me steal Cole, she no, lets take Bryce, he's quieter. LOL! She's a smart girl!

After we left Sarah's, we went to Mr. Ghatti's (a pizza buffet aimed at kids). The food is usually horrible, but it was pretty good this time. It only cost $3 because I had a coupon for a free adult buffett and Kayla is only 6, so she ate for $3. Nice! They have a big game room in the back, so of course I dropped $10 there. But hey, $3 for dinner, I had no problem giving her $10 for games!

After dinner we went home and painted pumpkins and played Connect 4. She kicked my ASS! Like 6 times! I won once. I've never been good at that stupid game!

Saturday:

We got up, watched a movie and then I cleaned the kitchen while she played Webkins on the computer. After that we went to Lunch at McDonalds. Not nearly as cheap as our Mr. Ghatti's, but not bad. Then we went to the Halloween festivle in Salisbury. They have a bunch of games kids can play and they get candy each time. Then you walk around Down Town Salisbury and all the little shops hand out candy. She got a ton of candy. She doesnt' even eat candy! Then she played in the bouncy room. Here are some pics............

After our fun day out, we got home and had dinner. Then we played Uno Attack! I kicked HER butt on that. We had fun though. We got addicted to it and played for about 1 1/2 hours.

Then she took a bath and we went to bed.

Sunday:

Got up and took Kayla back to her moms and headed to Reach for my bloodwork and Ultra sound. My largest follicle was 13mm. Not nearly big enough. They need to be 22-24mm. The dr thought maybe I alread ovulated, however, I informed him that I don't normally ovulate until CD18-24, so he said looks like that's when it's going to happen again. So, now I'm waiting for them to call me to give me my next step. They have to check my bloodwork and then I"m assuming they'll send me for another ultra sound this week sometime.

So, it was basically a big waste of time.

Now I'm home doing laundry and waiting for Russ to come home. His plane gets in around 8:30pm and then he has about an hour drive home. So, I won't see him until late:(

Well, that's it for now!

I'll try to update more often. It's just been so busy, I haven't had much time.

SO EXCITING!!

2007-10-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

So, I went to my appointment this morning! Got the blood work done and the Internal Ultra sound. The Dr said my insides look FABULOUS!! And my blood work came back good. Which means tonight I get to start taking my Letrozole. OMG!! I'm taking Fertility meds. I've only wanted to do that for like a YEAR!!

So, I'll take this for the next 5 days. Then on Sunday, October 28th, I go back for more blood work and another Ultra Sound. Then they will probably tell me the size of my follicles and tell me when to do my trigger shot (the shot that pops the egg out!) and then I'll start progesterone creme. OMG! Seriously??? I HAVE A PLAN!!!! A PLAN!!! Did you hear me??? A FREAKING PLAN!!!! I am SO going to get pregnant!!!

Phew, I need to calm down. I'm crazy with excitement.

Ok, so Russ and I had a date night of a different kind! We decided to carve pumpkins together. It was really fun. I tried to take pictures, but my camera battery was dead:(

However, I did get some pics of the pumpkins when we finished. I took them with my camera phone, so they are not the greatest. But here they are.

This is Russ's Pumpkin:

Here is my Pumpkin:

Well, I'm off to watch Friday Night Lights!!!

Hope you all have a good night!!!

Love & Baby Dust!!

Halloween Decor

2007-10-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a Day!!

2007-10-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and guess who showed up....................AF!!! Woo Hoo! I was so excited I was doing a happy dance in the shower!! Plus, I had NO cramps or anything. I thought this is great! Got to work around 8am and at 8:30, my lower back started killing me. Then around 9am, the cramps started. It hurt so bad I wanted to throw up. So, once my assistant came in at 10am, I went home. Took 3 tylenol put a heating pad on my belly and laid down for an hour or so. Felt good around 12, so I went back to work. Then I just got so tired. Like I could fall asleep right there. Around 4pm the cramps came back, so I'm home lying on my couch. I don't care though. I'll take the pain!!

I emailed my RE nurse and told her my good news!! She called me in a prescription to walgreens for Femara. Then she ordered my Ovidrel and Crinone through her specialty pharmacy (cheaper, My insurance does not cover the Ovidrel). On Friday, I go for my bloodwork and Ultra sound. If everything looks good, I can start the Femara. Then I guess I'll get more ultrasounds to check out my follicles and then do a trigger shot when they get big. Then I'll use the crinone (progesterone creme). Wow! Yesterday I felt like I was stuck and not going anywhere with this getting pregnant thing and now I'm like holy crap, now I'm moving right along!!! It's crazy.

Well, I'm getting all crampy again. I need to lay down. Maybe I'll post more later.

Where IS she?? Seriously??

2007-10-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, where is AF??? Why is she hiding?? I can feel her coming. I know she's right around the corner, but she just refuses to make an appearance. It's like she's watching me and laughing at me. Doing a happy dance about my suffering . She's just very evil. VERY evil!!

However, then once she shows up, I have all new fears. Like what if I go on this Letrozol and Ovidrel and I don't ever get pregnant. What if after 6 months of trying Russ won't let us do the IVF like he promised. Or worse, what if we do IVF 6 times and it doesn't work. I know it's crazy to worry about all this stuff now, but I have to be honest, I don't see myself ever getting pregnant. It makes me so sad sometimes. Then I have to be my own cheerleader and cheer myself up. Sometimes I go online and search for uplifting pregnancy stories. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes it worse. I can't talk to Russ about this because he doesn't get it. He just says "We're doing everything we are supposed to be doing. You'll get pregnant. You just need to stop being so negative". I'm not trying to be negative. I'm trying to stay somewhat realistic. What if it never happens? I hate not knowing. I hate things in life that I have no control over. It stresses me out. Ok, I need to stop talking about this now. It's kind of depressing.

So the Elks Lodge had a community garage sale the other day. I brought all the stuff I packed up when we moved that I wanted to get rid of. I made $115. Not bad for 3 hours worth of work eh? Then I went shopping for a new pair of fall boots. Well, I ended up spending all $115 PLUS the $25 I had in my wallet. However, I got..................2 pair of boots, 5 long sleeve v-neck shirts, a pair of Levis, 2 sweaters, a belt (reversable) and a pair of slippers. Nice eh? The most amazing part.........................I did NOT buy ANY pink!!! That's a first in years. I bought all browns and off whites. Fall colors. I was all excited to get to wear some stuff this week but the temps went back to the upper 80's. Damn!

Well I need to get some work done. I just hadn't posted in awhile and wanted to check in.

(Oh......Russ is going to be so mad I posted his picture on here;)

LOL!!!

Tastefully Simple

2007-10-08T16:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to one of these parties??? OMG! They are GREAT!!!
First off, there is NO speeches. The consultant barely even speaks. The whole time, all she does is pass food around for you to try. And all you do is eat and chat.

The food is great. It's basically dips, breads, soups, and seasonings. And everything takes 2 or less ingredients. They have a Beer Bread that all you do is pour a can of beer in it and bake it!!! It's so good. It's sweet. They also have a potatoe soup and a rice soup both are DELICIOUS. Then, one thing that I thought I would NEVER like, Black Bean Salsa, I loved it!! She poured it over cream cheese and passed it around with crackers. OMG! it wsas great!!!

I spent $76!!! AND I booked party so I could get MORE!!

I think my favorite part of it was the fact that there were no speeches, no selling. The food sold itself so no need for the consultant to speak. It was so relaxing. It was just like a social get together with snacks!!

Anyway, I just wanted to pass that on. This is NOT like Candle parties and pampered chef parties so if you ever get an invite....................GO!! You won't regret it. Trust Me!!

5 YEARS!

2007-10-04T17:39:00.001-07:00

Today was my 5 year Anniversary at Arch Tech. (My Dad's Company). Wow! Doesn't seem like I've been in NC that long. I love it here though. And I love working for my dad. It was a little hard the first couple years, but we've come along way.

Today when I came in there was a card on my Keyboard. It was a card from my Dad thanking me for 5 years. He wrote a really sweet message in it. Then he gave me a $300 bonus and another week of vacation. So now I have 4 weeks of paid vacation. I don't even use my 3 weeks now because Russ only has two weeks of vacation. However, I think I'm going to start taking some long weekends to help use it up.

I'm still waiting on AF to show up. I've still got sore BB's and cramping on and off. I'm sure she'll be here in about a week. I'm just so anxiousl to start TTC again it's making me crazy!! I just wish she'd get here already!!

I saw a horrific accident today. A 21 year old guy ran a red light and smashed into a dump truck at about 55 MPH. I didn't see the actual accident. it happened in front of my bank and I was at the bank about 20 minutes after the accident. The truck was mutilated. You couldn't even tell it was a truck until they loaded it on the flat bed and I saw the tailgate (the only recognizable thing on the truck). It made me ill to see it. I felt so bad. It's amazing that a split second decision like that could end your life. I mean, I'm sure he was not thinking that he could die if he ran that red light. He was just thinking he didn't feel like stopping. It's so sad. I can't imagine what his family is going through. Not to mention how this will effect the Dump Truck driver. It wasn't his fault, but being involved in an accident that took a life could really mess you up.

Well, Greys Anatomy is starting!! I must go now! Have a Great Night!

Vacation Pics

2007-10-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

OK! Here are the pics! Now, let me tell you, this took forever to upload, so they are not in any paticular order. I did not feel like rearranging them. So, here they are!!!!

Here is Russ & Jeramy golfing. I realize it looks like Russ is about to drive a golf ball in Jeramy's ass, but really he was just doing a practice swing;)

Here is Russ posing with a Big Fish at the Marsh

Here is Russ and Jeramy playing Shuffleboard. My new FAVORITE game.

Here is me and Russ playing shuffleboard

Cute Seagull

Scenic Picture of the Marsh Walk

Russ & Jeramy Golfing

Hanging out before Dinner

Our Fridge the first night. We had no room for food,so we had to go OUT to dinner

Pretty Flower

Hungry Fish at the Boardwalk

Crabs some Lady and her Father Caught at the Marsh Walk

Hanging Out again before Dinner

Me and Russ at the Marsh Walk

Joe & Robin

Karen & Jeramy

Karen & Robin

Joe, Jeramy, and Russ

View from our Condo

I'm Off..................

2007-09-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

To Myrtle Beach

I probably will not be updateing for a week or so.

Before I left for my Vacation though , I just have some prayers to send out.

Melissa & Patty - I'm praying that you will get through the passing of Suzi. I pray that you two will be able to lean on each other and get each other through the loss of your beloved friend. I am so sorry that you both have to deal with the loss of such a wonderful friend and pray that you will find a way to turn this tragedy into something good. I love you both and I'm sending you both many hugs.

Jen - I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad and I pray that you start to feel better soon. I love you lots and I'm looking forward to chatting again when you're ready.

Mamajenn - I am amazed at your strength lately. I can't imagin losing a son. And the fact that you lost a son and you have to greive for him, yet stay strong for your son and daughter that your still carrying is just too impossible for me to imagine. Yet you're doing it. Not only are you doing that, but your taking care of your two daugters you already have. I pray for you and your unborn babies everyday. Your strength is incredible and I just want you to know that I pray for you and your family daily.

Sandi & Ben - Congrats on your BFP. I keep you in my prayers everyday. I just know that this is your sticky baby. I pray that you have a nice and easy 9 months and I'm looking forward to seeing what two artists can produce. Love and Prayers coming your way!

Love and Prayers to ALL no my friends.

I'm Sick...............

2007-09-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

I caught school cooties from my neice Kayla. I started coming down with it Thursday. The whole dry itchy throat. Then Friday, I was so out of it, I had to leave work at 11pm and I just came home and slept all day.
Today I still feel like crap. However, I was well enough to get all the laundry done and the kitchen clean. Tomorrow I'll have to do the rest of the house.

Speaking of my niece. Right now I take her to school every morning (hence how she passed her cooties to me) since my sister has to go to work at 6:45am. However, she just got a new job as director of a home health care agency and her hours will be 8-5 which means...................no more morning Kayla for me. This makes me sad. I love having her every morning. So as of October 15th, I'm all by myslef in the mornings.

Well, that's it for now. Time for more medicine and relaxation.

Lower Back Pain..........Hmmmmm........

2007-09-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

Could AF becoming?????
I would be ecstatic (sp?) They have told me it would be 6-8 weeks after my last shot and I'm on about 5 weeks. But my lower back hurts. Just like when AF comes. Could she be coming early??? How cool would that be!!!
Although, I was looking forward to my Myrtle Beach trip and not having any restrictions on drinking. But hey.........if she wants to come early, I'll take it!!!
I'm itching to get back in the game!!!

I don't Understand

2007-09-10T17:24:00.000-07:00

I thought my hot flashes were on their way out. This weekend I had hardly ANY. Then today, I've had one every hour ALL DAY! What is going on??? This is so frustrating. I want to be done with this already. I'm trying to stay focused on the positive. The reason I'm going through this is because I want a baby. But it's getting hard. I have no idea how people do this for 6 months. I'm doing it for 2 months and I don't think I could have done it for 6.

Speaking of trying to have a baby. I feel like I live on Wisteria lane. My neighbors are wonderful, but good lord, they know EVERYTHING about us. We meet a new neighbor every couple days. As soon as someone new sees me outside they come over and talk to me. I think this is great. However, EVERYONE of them, during conversation, says "So, I hear your working on trying to have kids". Um..................why is this the BIG news of the neighborhood? Maybe it's just because I have not lived in a real neighborhood since I was 18, but it just feels wierd that everyone knows this. I mean the person we bought the house from knew this info from Russ. Then he told ONE neighbor. Now there are 6 other neighbors that know. So my thought is they are standing around talking about the "NEW People" in the neighborhood. It doesn't really bother me. It's just weird. Now I feel like everyone will ask me from now on "So, any luck yet?" and I really really don't want that.
The other weird thing is.............My favorite neighbor April had the SAME fertility Dr that I have. It's so weird because we have plenty of fertility clinics here and the office I go to has 6 drs. So what are the chances that I live across the street from someone who had the same Dr 4 years ago. Strange. The other funny thing is..............it took her 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with her first and 2 years later she got pregnant while on the pill!

Russ and I have been getting along so great. This weekend was so wonderful. I almost felt like were dateing again. We talked and watched football together and ate dinner together. We had great "Loving" and we even MADE OUT! It was just a great weekend.
Then today......................................when he came in the door he came over and kissed me!! He never does that. He always kisses me goodbye, but he's never kissed me when he came home. My heart melted.

Well, This is like my 4th post in 3 days. I don't want to overwhelm you.

Have a Great Night!!

7 1/2 HOURS!!!

2007-09-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

That's how long I slept last night without a Hot Flash!! Holy Crap it felt great!!! I woke up so refreshed. I felt like a whole new women! I think my hot flashes may start getting fewer and farther between which is REALLY great. I'm so done with these things. I know it will all be worth it when I'm holding a baby though. I just need to be patient.

Speaking of babies! I went to see the twins again today. They are so cute! I even held them. They are so different. Not even just their physical looks, but their facial expressions and their movements. Cole hates his diaper being changed. He crys and wiggles. Bryce could care less. He just lays there and trys to stay awake. They are just adorable!
Here are some more pics.

This one is my favorite. Sarah's sister Karen and I were giving the boys some new Do's. We call this the "Alfalfa" (sp?) look:

Bryce is a very good sport.

Now I'm home. Making dinner. YES! I'm actually making the dinner. Not Russ. I know, it's surprising to me too. We are getting ready to watch.................................

VS.

I'll be watching this man

Mmmmm...................Love me some Tony Romo.

GO COWBOYS!!!!

Such a Great Night

2007-09-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Russ and I had such a GREAT night last night! We sat outside and talked or HOURS! We talked about all sorts of stuff. We have not just sat and talked in forever. It was so nice. Then of course we had great sex
We did not get to sleep until 3:00am!!

I had to go to work at 9am. I didn't want to go, but I'm so behind. The only way to get caught up is to go in on Saturday when I have no interruptions. I worked from 9am-4pm. It was a long Saturday.

I was supposed to go the hospital to see Sarah and the boys, but I just couldn't do it.
It was so hard yesterday. I know that it will get easier. I know that my turn will come. I know that it's ridiculous to feel so jealous. But I can't help it. It hurts. I'm going to go up tomorrow and hang out for awhile with her.

I came home and did some Laundry and Cleaned the house. Now i'm just chilling out! I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

Well, the dryer just buzzed. I need to go hang some clothes.

My Friend had Her Babies!!!

2007-09-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I updated. But I'm having a rough week and I don't have a lot of "Positive" stuff to write about, so I decided to NOT subject you to my negativity.
However, today my friend Sarah had her twins. They are beautiful. I was so excited to see them. However, the minute I walked out of her room, I was in tears. I'm so happy for her. But I ache like I've never ached before. I've heard about babies being born on EB , but to see real babies, up close and personal, it was just really hard.

Anyway, back to the positive. Here is the info on Sarahs twins.

Jonathan Cole:

Born @ 1:03pm today.

6lbs 15oz

19" Long

Going by the name Cole

James Bryce:

Born @ 1:04pm Today

7lbs 2oz

19 1/2" Long

Going by the name Bryce

And here are some pics of them together:

I realize they look nothing alike. However, Cole looks just like his Daddy and Bryce looks just like his Mommy!! And can that girl Grow some Babies or WHAT???? Those are some BIG boys for being twins!!!

Congrats Sarah and Jonathan!! Your Boys are Gorgeous!!!

Well that's it for me tonight.

More this weekend!!

Love & Baby Dust!!!

I just want to SLEEP already!!!

2007-08-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

These hot flashes are so bad now. I can not sleep. I'm up every freaking hour on the hour and I wake up completely exhausted. I have NO energy all day to do anything. There are so many things I want to still do around the house and I have no energy to do any of it.
My last shot was August 8th. So, hopefully by September 8th, the Lupron will no longer be effective and my body will start back to normal. I have no idea how long it will take to become normal, but I'm praying the hot flashes will at least subside by then.
I have a new respect for all women going through menopause.

Russ and I had our 2nd week of our new Wednesday tradition............We went to the bar and had $0.25 Wings and a tall beer. It's fun. We get a lot of planning for the house done when we do that. Last night we decided on painting the dining room this weekend and possibly even the bedroom.

I have a $150 in cash for my birthday and I decided that I'm going to get a Hair Cut, High Lights (BIG CHUNKY ONES) and my nails done. I'm going to completely spoil myself! Don't know what I'm doing as far as the hair cut, but I'll figure it out. I'll take pics with my new cameral whenever it is done.

My UTI is on it's way out. Thank goodness!! Between no sleep and peeing razor blades, it's been a crap ass week so far. Guess it can only get better right.

Well, I need to get some work done.

Have a GREAT Thursday!

WHY???

2007-08-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I have to have a Super Sensitive Urethra (sp?). I get UTI's so easily.

DH and I had a fun filled weekend of Sexy Time and now I'm paying for it. I woke up this morning and thought for sure I just pee'd out razor blades. It hurt so bad. I have no idea why I got one either. I drink the water before and after. I pee right after. Russ and I both shower before because it's so stinking hot down here that all we do is sweat all day. So, I KNOW we are not dirty. So WHY must I get these irritiating infections. I called the Dr right at 8am this morning. Got an appointment for 9:15. I thought this was GREAT. However, I got there and 9:15. Got called in at 9:30 and then sat in the little room waiting on my stupid dr for the next 35 minutes. I was NOT happy. There were not even any magazines in there. I would have rather waited in the "Waiting Room" where I can read magazines or people watch.
Anyway, she came in all bubbly and I wanted to slap the life out of her. I mean it's one thing to leave a patient waiting for that long, but why the fuck would you leave someone with a Urinary tract infection waiting. I mean you can't pee because you have to hold it for the CUP Speciman and you feel like your about to wet your pants. I just think that's fucked up. They could have given me a cup to pee in so I wasn't in so much freaking pain. Anyway, she gave me a prescription and I left! Drove straight to Walgreens so I could get my RX filled. I told them I'd wait for the RX because I NEEDED to get my first dose in. So, 15 minutes later, I hear my name get called back to the pharmacy. I go back and the lady says "Well, your insurance will cover the generic version of this, which would mean you'd pay $27. But I don't have the generic version here. If I fill the name brand, it will cost you $129. Well, I wasn't about to spend that. So, I had to go back to my office and call FIVE different pharmacy's trying to find one that carried Generic Cipro. Believe it or not, it was the OTHER walgreens across town. They had 10 pills left. I need 7. I said GREAT, I'll be right there.

So, finally at 12:30, I got to take my medicine and I'm feeling much much better now. But what a pain in the freaking ass!!

If I didn't like sex so freaking much, I'd just stop doing it and get artificially inseminated. Unfortuneately, I'm probably considered a borderline Nympho, so that would NEVER work.

Russ is cooking veal parm tonight. YUMMY! Then I'm going to watch the closer and head off to bed.

Night Night to All!!!